Sirrunder2me Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Male 33 - Female 24 We had been dating for 22 months when suddenly she stopped all communication with me. This came out of nowhere and i certainly didn't see it coming. I thought things were going well, she was loving, dedicated, devoted, she worshiped me. I did get a reply to one of my emails in which she stated the following; 1. She knows it was stupid just to not message anymore but she guessed she was too scared to do anything else and that she thought i didn't care so that'd be it 2. That she has been unhappy for a while now 3. That she never felt needed, just felt used 4. I made her feel isolated and alone 5. She wanted a little attention, affection, she wanted to know i cared. That i say it now but she hasn't felt it in a long time. 6. And me simply letting go has only made her more sure of it (i didn't let go folks) 7. She says that she loved me but after feeling so unappreciated, unwanted, unimportant and undeserving it just ..... 8. She says i still do love you because its hurting to write all this but i honestly need these to be the last tears i cry over you. You made me cry myself to sleep far too often. 9. I felt trapped near the end 10. I need some freedom 11. Im sad that the dream is gone and it might have been so close but i think i gave up on it months ago. Then before she says goodbye she says "God I miss you" In the letter that i sent her before this reply i told her something i was keeping as a grand surprise for her. I was building a house for both of us. A house built based on a design that she played with for weeks. I wanted to surprise her and then move in together. This house was just two months from completion. I thought this was a romantic gesture. All she had to say about it was i should have told her, she wanted a relationship, but i kept too many things from her. So there you have it, SHE LEFT ME. I'm getting better but i cant get over her. I have never felt so much pain in my life, I never thought she would do this, she was so in love with me, or so i thought. She was everything I wanted in a woman. Now to the good part or should I say the confusing part. She left me for a coworker who is around my age or slightly older, Is married but just separated from his wife, and has 4 children who live with the mother. Has she lost her mind? I saw them arm in arms 3 days after the break up. So im pretty sure she was cheating on me during our relationship. I don't know anything about the guy, he probably is a great person and may just be the man she really needs. I just don't understand why the sudden change of mind. I have all the security she would need. Im retiring from the workforce in about 4 months, own my house and many other investment properties. Im set to live very comfortably. She has decided to live worse than she already does, no money and now sharing a life with someone's children, attention and payments? Guys please reply, It's important to me.
Appleness Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Sorry to hear Sirrunder, IMHO it could be GIGS but you did mention that she said she felt unappreciated and lonely quite a bit. For me, I felt those same things during the relationship with my current ex and that's why even though he broke up with me, I didn't exactly fight for it like last time. As women, we want to know that we are wanted and appreciated. The house is a gran romantic gesture but if you get home late every night or never tell her you love her then that's all she's going to remember: that you didn't do the little stuff. I'm sure it sounds silly to a man but that's just the way it is with us. And I agree with wilsonx, given her age being the prime GIGS age group, it can be a deadly combination. Give it some time, wait til she is more receptive and work on better communication. It's ok to surprise her but tell her that you have a surprise.Don't make her wonder why you're staying away or just always busy. Best of luck! 1
Author Sirrunder2me Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Hi there Appleness, Thank you for your insight. You are right, now that ive had time to reflect I did not give her enough attention or appreciation. My work always got in the way, in the sense of long hours 7 days a week. I know I can give her so much more that she can imagine and I want to, but she has left me now. I haven't heard from her since, its been two weeks. I miss her so much, cant stop thinking of her. I wish I could turn time. I always gave her an open channel for communication but she is a person who avoids confrontation at all costs. I blame myself for not picking up any of these signs. How am I supposed to know she cried herself to sleep many nights when we don't live together or I'm not told? She continued to show loveable signs. My question now is, She probably is happy now with the new guy, but what are my chances of getting her back? I want to fight for her, to win her because i believe she belongs with me but at the same time I love her too much to interfere with what she wants. Does that make sense?
wilsonx Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Makes perfect sense... She belongs to you... yet shes not with you. Shes gigsing out of her mind, she has no idea who she is, what she wants, who she wants, who she belongs with, and you can't tell/sell/convince her anything. The chances of getting her back the way you knew her? 0% 1
Author Sirrunder2me Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Gee it's hard to listen to that but i guess its the reality
Appleness Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Ok, not to give you false hope but seriously I think everyone eventually gets off the GIGS high. If you TRULY, madly, deeply, 110%, will catch a grenade for her, love her.... then you need to check yourself first. You never want to over-promise just to get back with her because she will hold you to those promises. Why? I know I would. Look, you sound like a good, capable guy. You build houses for her as in LITERALLY, you are looking to build a future with her. Slow down, she on her honeymoon period now and you can't compete with that. She has no bad feelings associated with this other guy yet. Give yourself some time. If she came back tomorrow, would you stop working on this house and quit your job just to be with her? Probably not, right? (For the love of God, please tell me you are nodding...) Give her time, give yourself time, more importantly give the new guy time. No one cam and was in your face pressure her when you first dated, right? And she STILL became unhappy over time, yes? Back off, think things over and keep busy. You'll get it sorted out in time.
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