kaylan Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 For anyone who has ever seen the tv show Friends, Ross and Rachel were having issues because Rachel was working a lot and Ross wanted to see her more. Ross's annoyance increases more at the fact that Rachel ends up spending overtime hours with an attractive male coworker (Mark) who Ross thinks is into her. Anyways, they have several fights about these issues and in one fight Rachel says "maybe we need a break". Ross thought she meant a break from the argument so he suggests "getting some frozen yogurt" so they can calm down. Rachel then clarifies and says "No, a break from us..." Ross then proceeds to walk out of her apartment Later Ross calls her to try and talk about things, but he overhears Mark at her place and hangs up. The reason Mark had gone over was because he always had a crush on her, and Rachel had never known it and never had feelings for him. She thought he was trying to be a good friend...however it really messed things up with Ross when he overheard him on the phone. Ross assumed Rachel was sleeping with Mark and said "screw it" and went to a party and met a new girl and slept with her that night. However, the next morning Rachel calls Ross and wants to go over to his place to work things out. She tells him nothing was ever going on with Mark and that she was wrong for wanting a break. Rachel ends up finding out and this time she breaks up with Ross. She felt he cheated on her, but Ross thought she broke up with him when she suggested a break the first time. Also, Ross tried to keep her from finding out about the new girl when she tried to reconcile with him. All this being said, I feel the only thing Ross did wrong was try to hide what he did from Rachel. That makes him a douche...but I dont think he cheated, because generally when someone wants a break, then they arent "with you" anymore. It was bad that he went and got drunk and slept with some new chick the same night...but I can understand because the dude was super heartbroken, on the rebound, and already thought Rachel was hooking with Mark. Quick hookups are totally out of his character though and thats the only time he did something like that in the series. So what say you? What do you think the rules of a break are? What do you think about the Ross and Rachel situation? As I already said, I personally feel a "break" is a break up. I mean, what is a break? Taking time away from your partner as if you arent exactly together, means just that.
RealLife101 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Tl; dr A "break" is usually women language for, "I want to go out and see if I can do better. I reserve the right to come crawling back should I fail to cement a relationship with my target 'upgrade' guy".
USMCHokie Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 For me, this is simple. A "break" always inequivocably means a break up. Black and white. There are no rules, because there is no relationship.
norajane Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I think Ross believed they were done, so in his mind, he wasn't cheating. He wasn't intending to cheat, certainly. He believed she had moved on to another man already. I think Rachel has a right to feel hurt and disappointed that, even if they were broken up in Ross's mind, he'd run right out and f*ck someone else immediately. Breaks, unless carefully defined and agreed upon, should be treated like you've broken up in terms of expectations of fidelity. 1
writergal Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 "Take a break from us" is code for "break up." There is no time-off with relationships. You're either together, or you're not. There is no recess (time off) in relationships. Here's the scene. "Friends" - Best Scene and The Most Dramatic one - YouTube I have to side with Ross. Rachel was selfish because she said "take a break from us." So she technically broke up with Ross. Ross wasn't wrong to have a fling, since he thought she had dumped him. Rachel didn't take responsibility for breaking up with Ross and she should have. 1
january2011 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I asked for a break with my ex, two years into the relationship. We were arguing a lot (family stuff). I was stressed out and didn't know what to do. I wanted a break from us but didn't want to break up. I didn't have my eye on anyone else, I just wanted the arguments to stop. We took a two-week break. He decided to visit his ex. After the two weeks were over, he told me about it. I still took him back and we managed to keep the relationship going for eight more years. So, a "break" did not mean a "break up" in our case, not unless you're happy to refer to the eight additional years as an extended break up - which to me, would be a stretch. As to the rules of the break: set a time to review in-person, agree whether or not you are still "together" and agree if you're allowed to see other people during the break. While my ex and I agreed the time limit, we did not discuss whether not we were still together (like Rachel, I considered that we were) and whether we were allowed to see other people (I assumed wrongly that neither of us would do this so didn't even think it might be an issue). Similar to Rachel and Ross - they should have agreed the terms of the break, especially whether or not they could see other people. 1
fucpcg Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Sure they were broke apart. I've been broke apart from my ex for 1.5 years now, and still don't like touching other women. I certainly wasn't touching anyone after the breakup. When you love somebody, being split apart doesn't mean you want to go sleep with other people.
Leigh 87 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Breaks are not the same for everyone. They mean different things for different people. Ross and Rachel did not communicate effectively enough, to establish that yes, they were both still in love, and therefore there should be no hooking up with other people, because this would hurt both people deaply. If both people need time apart, yet still have strong feelings for each other, and would both be heartbroken if the other person were to hook up - TALK about it. Make it clear that this is the situation, and respect the other persons feelings. I hate this buullsh*t here, from selfish people, who say " well, technically if it is a break or break up, you can do what ever the hell you want, you ow each other nothing. This is coming from people who do not care abiout other peoples feelings. After a break or break up, I am strongly AGAINST going and hooking up straight away, if the other person would be hurt!!! I think after a break OR break up, there should be a " grace" period, whereby both parties refrain from hooking up again, until they process the break up properly, and are i a better head space to deal with it. There is WAY more to it than " It's a break or break up. We are free to do as we please". In a lot of cases, one of both parties will NOT want the other person to go hooking up right away. .......Unless one of the people are a cheating dirtbag!!!!!! And that is the reason for the break up. Than anything goes, LOL! Come on though, normally both people still have strong feelings, and ghooking up right away will knowingly upset the other person... and it is always nice when people respect other peopl's feelings. 1
Author kaylan Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Sure they were broke apart. I've been broke apart from my ex for 1.5 years now, and still don't like touching other women. I certainly wasn't touching anyone after the breakup. When you love somebody, being split apart doesn't mean you want to go sleep with other people. I have to disagree with the last part. Just because you love them doesnt mean you cant sleep with someone else if they dumped you. Some folks just move on differently, so I can understand why someone on the rebound wont just sit around and mope with a torch burning for their ex. I can understand people moving on to someone else because they felt things were through. It doesnt mean the feelings arent there for the ex though, but why hold yourself back trying to hang on to something thats finished?
USMCHokie Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I hate this buullsh*t here, from selfish people, who say " well, technically if it is a break or break up, you can do what ever the hell you want, you ow each other nothing. This is coming from people who do not care abiout other peoples feelings. After a break or break up, I am strongly AGAINST going and hooking up straight away, if the other person would be hurt!!! I think after a break OR break up, there should be a " grace" period, whereby both parties refrain from hooking up again, until they process the break up properly, and are i a better head space to deal with it. There is WAY more to it than " It's a break or break up. We are free to do as we please". In a lot of cases, one of both parties will NOT want the other person to go hooking up right away. .......Unless one of the people are a cheating dirtbag!!!!!! And that is the reason for the break up. Than anything goes, LOL! Come on though, normally both people still have strong feelings, and ghooking up right away will knowingly upset the other person... and it is always nice when people respect other peopl's feelings. Disagree. If you break up and don't intend to speak to or see them again, why do you care about their "feelings"...? If you are going to be that butt-hurt by a breakup, then don't date to begin with. If you break up with me, what you want or don't want is completely irrelevant to me. I think it's more selfish for a person to expect the one they broke up with to stay celibate for the sake of their own "feelings"... It's practically saying, "well, I don't want to be with you anymore, but I don't want you to be with anyone else either...at least until I'm ready for you to see other people..." What a crock...
mortensorchid Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Firstly, that is a TV show. That is entertainment, not real life as much as we would like to think it is. It's ok if you want to model yourself physically after characters on a TV show (the haircut, clothes, etc.), but remember they have teams of writers behind them that are making their decissions rather than actual people. Jennifer Aniston, I bet, was not so happy when her husband left her for another woman and still isn't, right? So "on a break" means "break up". I had someone recently who said he wanted to take a step back because he was trying to get over someone else who he was with about six months before me. I said alright, and of course I never heard from him again and he has a new gf now who he lives with. Such is life. 1
Leigh 87 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Disagree. If you break up and don't intend to speak to or see them again, why do you care about their "feelings"...? If you are going to be that butt-hurt by a breakup, then don't date to begin with. If you break up with me, what you want or don't want is completely irrelevant to me. I think it's more selfish for a person to expect the one they broke up with to stay celibate for the sake of their own "feelings"... It's practically saying, "well, I don't want to be with you anymore, but I don't want you to be with anyone else either...at least until I'm ready for you to see other people..." What a crock... I am talking about when the two people still have strong feelings for one another. Sometimes, the two people still have strong romantic feelings about each other, but need to take time to think about what the want, or things may not work out despite the two people having very strong feelings for each other. If both people are very attached and have strong feelings, but the relationship does not work out, I think it is common courtesy to wait at least a month, before hooking up. ...Sometimes people are too close to break away straight away, and maintain contact for a month or so, because they are still very close and unable to cut it all off straight away. For instance, Ross and Rachel! Things were not working out, but they STILL had feelings for each other, and would be very upset if they were to hook up right away. Come on, it is common courtesy to think " well, we do not want to be together, but we are still not ready to entertain the idea of hooking up with others right away?" I have called for a break from my bf. because early on before we really fell in love, we tried a threesome out. Later on, after we fell in love ( which occured after the threesome), I questioned his ability to have been able to DO the threesome with me. So, I asked for a break. The thing is, we were very much in love, and not able to just " go hook up with others":sick: Rather, I was not sure if it would work out, so needed time to think about it. We were still very much about each other, so going and hooking up JUST because I called for a break, would totally come out of left field if he had done that - seeing as he still thought of " us" as together, and each others, despite not knowing what he future may hold. See, with a break, you should be clear with the nature of it.... it is about establishing with your partner HOW you feel, and IF it is appropriate to move on right away: in our case, neither of us were ready to move on. But geez. After a serious relationship, were both people are really in love and break up after a long, happy time together.......... I still do not think it is in the best taste to just screw someone else right away... It is incionsiderate! Just because you break up with a person you love, it does not mean all the feelings dissipate for both people, enough to feel " okay" about them screwing around right away. ..I would think less of someone, if they had been in a close relationship for some time, they broke up, both people were devastated, and yet one of them screwed around right away. It would underserming the previous relaitonship! I would not think what my boyfriend and I HAD was THAT significant to him, if he is just able to f*ck other chicks right away:sick::sick:
snug.bunny Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Hahaha! I love Ross Anyway to answer your question... Ross was overly jealous and insecure and was mistrustful of Rachel's working relationship with her co-worker Mark, because of his prior marriage when his wife left him for a lesbian. It pushed Rachel to a breaking point, hence, the break. Did Ross cheat? Technically, no. I get both sides but still doesn't change that fact that within the span of a few hours, he sleeps with another woman following what Rachel perceived to be an argument, and wanted to get back together with Rachel afterwards. In her view, he's a different person to her after he slept with the Xerox girl and she couldn't get passed it. At least, not for several years, they ended up together anyway at the end of the show. Thank goodness the local TV network has been playing reruns of the show non-stop, I love that show. 1
writergal Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) I asked for a break with my ex, two years into the relationship. We were arguing a lot (family stuff). I was stressed out and didn't know what to do. I wanted a break from us but didn't want to break up. I didn't have my eye on anyone else, I just wanted the arguments to stop. We took a two-week break. He decided to visit his ex. After the two weeks were over, he told me about it. I still took him back and we managed to keep the relationship going for eight more years. So, a "break" did not mean a "break up" in our case, not unless you're happy to refer to the eight additional years as an extended break up - which to me, would be a stretch. As to the rules of the break: set a time to review in-person, agree whether or not you are still "together" and agree if you're allowed to see other people during the break. While my ex and I agreed the time limit, we did not discuss whether not we were still together (like Rachel, I considered that we were) and whether we were allowed to see other people (I assumed wrongly that neither of us would do this so didn't even think it might be an issue). Similar to Rachel and Ross - they should have agreed the terms of the break, especially whether or not they could see other people. I'm really happy that you and your boyfriend were able to survive the two-week break, but I'm curious as to why you didn't follow your own rules that you suggest, especially since you admit that you wrongly assumed neither he or you would see other people during the two week break, and you also didn't confirm with each other before the break if you'd still be together as a couple after the break. I'm not taking a dig at you or your relationship, I'm honestly curious, and just want to make sure you don't misinterpret my intent, as I've been told I come across as though I'm taking digs at people, when that's not the case at all. Edited July 9, 2012 by writergal
january2011 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I'm curious as to why you didn't follow your own rules that you suggest The rules I suggest were formulated after that experience. I was young and naive when we had the break and it was my first serious relationship (we are talking 10+ years ago here!). Given that he would return to that ex-girlfriend 10+ years later and then marry her, with hindsight, I should have let him go after the break. That was my lesson to learn. On a bad day, I do feel some regret that I didn't do that. On a good day, I remember that we had some very good years and potentially our relationship could have led to marriage had I accepted his proposals - I said, "no," too many times and that's what contributed to the eventual break up. He actually wanted to get married towards the end, but I didn't. So he married his ex. Thus, my theory that it's more about timing that the right woman - at least it was in my case.
writergal Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 The rules I suggest were formulated after that experience. I was young and naive when we had the break and it was my first serious relationship (we are talking 10+ years ago here!). Given that he would return to that ex-girlfriend 10+ years later and then marry her, with hindsight, I should have let him go after the break. That was my lesson to learn. On a bad day, I do feel some regret that I didn't do that. On a good day, I remember that we had some very good years and potentially our relationship could have led to marriage had I accepted his proposals - I said, "no," too many times and that's what contributed to the eventual break up. He actually wanted to get married towards the end, but I didn't. So he married his ex. Thus, my theory that it's more about timing that the right woman - at least it was in my case. Ah, that makes sense. Thanks for sharing your personal story here January. You always have great insight to share. And I agree with your suggested rules when the issue of a break pops up in a relationship, because communication is hugely important as you said, in those types of situations.
zengirl Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I kind of think the greater issue is that someone would go out and sleep with someone the very next day, despite the breakup. That story is better done in Gilmore Girls when Rory (like Rachel) doesn't realize she and Logan are actually broken up (she just thought it was a break - a think about where things are going break) but Logan sleeps with an entire bridal party during his holiday. She accepts that he didn't consider it cheating fairly quickly, unlike Rachel who belabors that unnecessary part, but she also forces him to accept that SHE felt like it was a violation of their R for him to do that, regardless of the "letter of the law" of fidelity. I think if you care about someone and want any chance at reconnecting with them and had a spur of the moment fight-break like that, you'd be better off taking a bit of time (for that person and for any person you might get entangled with) before jumping into bed with someone new. But I suppose that reflects my basic principles of sex and relationships. Rachel was ridiculous in belaboring the fidelity part, because it's easy to see what Ross thought, and that wasn't what he did wrong anyway. It was the quickly sleeping with someone new out of anger and jealousy (always a bad action) and the lying about it that were wrong, not the fidelity issue.
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