Leigh 87 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Please read most of this and give your imput. I really need to put things into perspective. This is about a old flame visiting your boyfriend, and your boyfriend falling for her again, despite being in a very happy, loving realtionship with YOU. We are both very mucn in love, yet I still fear his ex visiting. First of all.........Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do not like m b f talking to his ex on facebook, and I am not happy about the fact she will be visitinbg Australia, my country, in about a year, and will obviously see us. He does not talk much with her at all - just a message every month or so...... And occasionally comments on her pics and likes her status's (and not all of them or anything over the top) It is the fact he still regards what she has to say on facebook, as something he s very much interested in; I can tell what she has to say, is something he looks out for; when she posts or puts up a pic, he feels a different feeling than what he feels for his " other friends". Not love or strong romantic feelings that he REALIZES, but he is vert interested in waht she has to say, in more than he is with other girls and people he knows. ok ok, I know it is not good to act jealous and make your boyfriend think ' your the annoying type of girlfriend who gets jealous". I get that- the thing is, I am not that... I let him fo to clubs and out drinking alone ( although he only does that on solo holidays). I never worried, because it was very clear he loved me, and was not able to be with other girls behind my back. I did not worry at all. Unfortunately, I have changed my tune. This relates back to his EX.......................... She lives in Spain, he lives in Australia, and they have nto seen each other for over two years. He took about a year or more to forget his feelings for her after they parted ways. They travelled together for about 3 - 4 months, being having to leave to their home countries. She is an amazing girl, and has " something" about her - she has a face that all guys tend to fall in love with easily....... I am not deluding myself here - she DOES truly have " something" about her", she has a face that is very easy for most guys to fall in love with.... she has huge angelic blue eyes, with a small cut enose, on a round face with a high forhead ...I do not even like my bf interacting on facebook with her! I have chatted to her before, and she assures me " I just had fun with _____ while we travelled, I never saw a future with him or regarded him as my boyfriend, we were very good friends swith benifits, and am very happy he finally has a girlfriend and am very h appy for you". This girl has integrity, I can tell she has good morels, and is NOT the type to purposely steal other girls boyfriends. Another point, is that My bf DOES believe he is over her, and is in love with me. He says he barly knows her anymore, and is in love with me; that he loves me far more than he had time to love her ( after only 3 months of travelling together. he was ot able to develop the depth oflove for her that he now has for me). That I am the first girl he has really loved, well beyond that of his ex. That he really is over his feelings, but he will always feel for her because they went through a lot together ( they got kidnapped and had a lot of adventures in central america) The upsetting thing is - she is going to make her way to Australia eventually, in about a year. She is an avid traveller, and Austalia is next on her hit list:( Is a few nights of talking a lot ho an old flame, enough to trigger strong feelings again? He had very strong feelings for her, and she is the only girl he has loved before me. No other girls in our area, in his demographic culture and intellectual level, compared to us - too boring, not remarkable, fun, or interesting enough to be around. He prefers girls who want to travel and see the world, and who have " different? personalities with obvious things about our personalities, that seperates them from other girls he knows and talks to. I am really wondering if even strong love can last, if a girl comes along who he gets slight feelinf for again? He will talk with her, love being around her and the conversation the have, and also be attracted to her a lot ( she is stunning). aren;t thsoe factors enough to trigger strong feelings? ............. we both keep getting closer and close, the more time we spend together, I can see our love as a evolving thing. By the time this girls comes to visit, can even vert profound and deap love me de railed? I am SO WORRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!; he will love talking to her, and talking to a girl repeatedly for severl nights could easily result in him re discovering his strong feelings he has for her.
Algermas Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 If you don't trust your boyfriend break up with him.
ScienceGal Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Am I correctly understanding that she is coming to visit a year from now? I wouldn't get all worked up about it now. Relax! Who knows where your relationship will be then, or if her plans change and she doesn't even visit.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 I do trust him. He has gone out partying, drinking, and clubbing without me, in a hot spot for gorgeous women. He is not able to cheat on me, because we are too attached. I have zero worry with him in this regard. This is about trust; it is about him innocently getting feelings for a girl, feelings he cannot help and feelings he does not PLAN on feeling. Science girl - I am not worried yet, I actually think we will have an incredibly solid relaitonship by the time she visits; by next year, I have a feeling he will have proposed. We have talked about getting married and I know his views and intentions with it. The thing is - even in the most solid of relationships, is it STILL possible that a guy can get feelings back towards an old flame? And, will the feelings be something he can manage? He would KNOW she would not want to be with him - she travels and lives over seas after all.. SO, maybe he will be able to acknowledge any "feelings" and realiz ethat while he is getting feelings from being arounsd her again - that he still wants his future to be with me, not her. In other words: it may be very posible to get feelings for another girl, while you are in love with a partner.... But at the same time, to still know your feelings for your partner are deaper, and more profound?
ScienceGal Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 In other words: it may be very posible to get feelings for another girl, while you are in love with a partner.... But at the same time, to still know your feelings for your partner are deaper, and more profound? Yes, it is completely possible. Sometimes people hold a special place in our hearts no matter what. But, in cases where the two don't see each other, this can also, at least partially, be based upon what the mind chooses to fill in. I miss my ex terribly sometimes, but that's because I am candy coating things and remembering a fairy tale that never was. I'm dreaming about what I wanted, not what I got. It's likely that seeing her will be nice, but the reality is that whatever they had didn't work. He's with you, so if you trust him, trust him 100%.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Yes, it is completely possible. Sometimes people hold a special place in our hearts no matter what. But, in cases where the two don't see each other, this can also, at least partially, be based upon what the mind chooses to fill in. I miss my ex terribly sometimes, but that's because I am candy coating things and remembering a fairy tale that never was. I'm dreaming about what I wanted, not what I got. It's likely that seeing her will be nice, but the reality is that whatever they had didn't work. He's with you, so if you trust him, trust him 100%. Thanks. She WILL hold a special place in his heart, because she is the first girl he started to fall in love with: she is the first girl that he met that blew him away; she is German, beautiful, and was so much cooler than the girls he grew up with, who are generic and boring to him. I trust him 100% - he is not a cheater, and would tell me if he ever felt urges to cheat, well before he acted on it. It is not about trust; it is about him meeting her again, and his feelings for her overcoming what WE both have together. .......The question I am getting at, is: is it likely that the feelings he feels for her, will supercede what we have built in the 2 years prior to her visiting? Essentially: he loves me, but if he starts to fall for her and develop feelings, what will happen? I know for a fact she would not get back with him, because she is not lie that - she has too much respect for me, and she just is not a girl who would do that - besides, she has too many option with men, without needing to get back with a man who lives on the other side of the world to him, and who has a girl who already loves him. There is LITTLE chance of her falling for him and wanting to get with him again - it is HIM I am worried about............. What will HE do with his feelings for her? I basically want to know if it is possible to HAVE feelings for an old flame, but without acting on them, and to still be in love and totally happy with your partner.
ScienceGal Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I basically want to know if it is possible to HAVE feelings for an old flame, but without acting on them, and to still be in love and totally happy with your partner. Yes. But I can't tell you what goes on in your bf's mind, or what will go on when she visits. You just have to trust, period.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Hmm now that I think about it, it IS unlikely that he will get so obsessed with her, and fall deaply in love, enough to compell him that his relationship with ME, would be lesser than being with HER. I can see him falling a little for her - she is the type that is very easily to fall in love with - sexy accent, stunning face, petite and feminine, very intellectual yet fun.... I can see him getting romantic feelings towwards her again, but not enough to leave me and give up what we have together. Not that she would be with him if he asked. ...So, at the most, he will feel strongly for her, but not enough to leave his remationship with me more. That is what I think will happen. There is no denying he thiks highly of her, and she is someone he WILL fall for, if they spend time together again... Luckily her and I have talked, we know what the deal is, and she assures me she is not interested in him, has various options and curently HAS a boyfriend, and just would never do that to me with him. She would not pick a taken man. She is so far from that type of girl. Yep, he will get feelings, but if I strive to be a good version of myself and move forward with me life, I have no doubt that our relationship will trump anything he feels for her. This thread is just me venting, I do feel better about it now, I just realize that he WILL have some sort of feelings for her, but I canot see them being greater than what we both have together.
fucpcg Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Megan Fox, Scarlett Johannson, Meagan Good, and Julie Benz could all come visit me on the same night, and I wouldn't cheat on my girlfriend. Why are you worried? I don't care who would come to visit my girlfriend either. I don't care if he showed up naked. I don't date women I can't trust, I don't date women that don't trust me. If you are making such a big deal out of this, then something else is wrong.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Megan Fox, Scarlett Johannson, Meagan Good, and Julie Benz could all come visit me on the same night, and I wouldn't cheat on my girlfriend. Why are you worried? I don't care who would come to visit my girlfriend either. I don't care if he showed up naked. I don't date women I can't trust, I don't date women that don't trust me. If you are making such a big deal out of this, then something else is wrong. It is not about that; it is about genuine feelings I know he will feel towards her. Romantic feelings, that have nothing to do with sexyness. If you met a remarkable women who was the first women you loved, you had to break up due to living arangments ( not out of choice), you met a new girl you fell in love with.... ... WOuldn;t you STILL feel some type of feelings for your old flame? My whole post is about the fact I KNOW he will still "feel" something for his ex........ yet probably not stronger than what we have. He has not had a whole bunch of women before - just hook ups, and casuall dating... He never thought any of those girls were awesome enough to bother with a relationship!
Sugarkane Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Have you been cheated on before? "The most amazing person ever" sounds s bit over the top. I find exes being friends weird, especially as I'm not friends with any of mine. Why does he keep in contact with her? It makes me anxious especially when in the breakup forums people are dumped for the ex.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Why didn't he cut contact and move on? THey travelled together for a few months, then went back to their home countries. She saw him as very good friends with benifits, and did not see a future with him. I am unsure if she loved him or not. He was very, very upset to leave her, but did. His mother than died a day or two after he got back from travelling. So his mind was elsewhere, and he desperately wanted that girl to be with him, but she was i her home country, living her life. The both missed each other very much at first. They did not just cut contact, because they had strong feelings for each other, liked each other very much as people, and simply lived in different countries. There was never a need for them to cut contact - the wanted to talk to each other when they left each other, to see if they got home okay, and to tell each other how much they missed each other. So he never had a reason to cut contact. He met me JUST after they lost contact. She was too busy to write to him, and he is not a desperate type, and he did not write messages unless she did too. And she stopped. He met me, and is very much in love with me now. I cannot se him LEAVING me for her, but if she stays for a few days, I DO know he will get feelings for her again. I don/'t think he will fall in love with her or like her more than he likes ME; but I know he will still have feelings for her. She is that sort of girl.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 NOrmally I do not like my bfs talking to their exes, but in my case he had no reason to cut her off, and it does not look strange. They just really like each other as people, and were not able to be together because of the logistics. He has moved on to me and is in love with me on a much deaper level than he was able to fall with her - we have been together longer, and are much closer than they ever were. But just because he loves me a great deal, it does not mean he will not re discover his feelings for her. I just doubt he will fall more deaply in love with her than he is with me.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 You can't control what your boyfriend feels. You need to get a handle on yourself. If you keep this up for a whole year, you will cause some serious trouble. If something bad happens in a year, so be it. Don't ruin what you have now over something that might not happen at all a year in the future.
ascendotum Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 You can't control what your boyfriend feels. You need to get a handle on yourself. If you keep this up for a whole year, you will cause some serious trouble. If something bad happens in a year, so be it. Don't ruin what you have now over something that might not happen at all a year in the future. Totally agree ^. Don't have this occupy your mind for the next 12 mths. You were fine with his ex and I thought looking forward to spending time with your bf showing her some of the local sights, until just recently when you have spiralled down in your confidence over your belly (I am guessing). Just get your confidence back and you'll be fine....like it all seemed to be not so long ago. If this senorita is as s*** hot as you say, then chances are she'll have a bf accompany her on her backpacking trip. There's a chance for sure that your bf will be reminisce over their adventures when he sees her again, but you cant help that, and you say you have a rock solid relationship to withstand it. Just continue being an awesome gf.
Sugarkane Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I kind of find The excuse to be friends pretty lame. Ate you really sure she doesn't have feelings? I don't know any friends if mine who are friends with exes.
irin Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 is this the same girl who had the perfect neat vagina? id be worried if i were you!
ascendotum Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I kind of find The excuse to be friends pretty lame. Ate you really sure she doesn't have feelings? I don't know any friends if mine who are friends with exes. How much damage can there be maintaining a penpal type relationship with an ex on the other side of the globe.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 is this the same girl who had the perfect neat vagina? id be worried if i were you! That was mean! But funny too.
venusianx13 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 You never truly know the depth of a person's love for you until it is tested. Hearing that may not be comforting, but it's the truth.
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