ScienceGal Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 When dating someone, how do you feel about them being nude or seeing other people nude? Does it matter if they know the person (e.g. skinny dipping with friends) or if it's more impersonal and they're strictly the viewer (e.g. in a movie/porn). What are your boundaries for nudity?
Algermas Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I don't care at all, they can go hang at a nudist beach for all I care.
carhill Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I'm not a nudist so confine nudity with women to monogamous heterosexual relationships. I've met women with vastly different viewpoints, generally friend's wives, and have seen more than I'll ever care to want to. For me, with a new partner, hence, nudity would be a part of our sexual activity first, then later, if in an established relationship, a more casual activity, like skinny dipping in the pool or running the vacuum cleaner naked, etc, etc. I probably would take a dim view of a partner routinely flashing her naked body at men or frequenting nude beaches or other similar venues. Once in a great while is OK. That's my boundary 1
Author ScienceGal Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 I'm not sure if I am just having a bad day or if I am being prudish. But, today my boyfriend went on a "hashing" event. Pretty much running around the city with a group of people, singing, acting, drinking. It's a trivia/scavenger hunt type thing and the theme this time was they all dressed up like mimes. I opted not to go because apparently the "new people" are hazed and made to do various things (though I'm told not forced). He said there was a lot of women flashing their breasts and men showing their penises. Just seems, well, immature to me. He had a great time, not solely from the nudity aspect; in fact, he said he liked running around and singing. I just feel like a jerk for not being "ok" with it. I consider myself an adult and a professional and would never partake in such a public event. So.. I'm thinking about this, and the truth about why I am bothered by it. I really don't think it's the nudity, but the level of immaturity. 1
carhill Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 As an example, nudists can be very mature and professional people who believe in the beauty of the natural body and sharing that in a casual and public way. Their nudity is incidental to who they are. It is possible the activity you witnessed or heard about was 'immature'; people who otherwise act in mature manner can choose to 'let loose' and do immature things such as public flashing once in awhile for fun. Such acts don't have to rule them. OTOH if someone was routinely exposing themselves at house parties of friends, hmm... Something did occur to me after responding and that would be the question if I have ever been to publicly nude places, like a strip/tittie bar/club. Nope, not my cuppa. Lots of guys do go, many of them professionals and married. There ya go.
USMCHokie Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 This is a good question...I haven't yet been placed in a situation where it'd be an issue, but I probably wouldn't mind if she was exposing herself in a nude environment (skinny dipping, nude beach/pool party, etc). But if she was doing it to get attention, like random flashing in public, I might have issue...I don't know...
Author ScienceGal Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 I'm definitely trying to think this through. I really feel like my gut reaction was due to the public nature of it because I find it, as part of this certain event, immature. And, to know that he "had a blast" might not bode well for the future of our relationship. While we share similar humor in many respects, this is one that we differ on. I didn't ask if he showed his penis, I don't want to know. And really, I wouldn't be upset about other people seeing it, I would be turned off that he wanted to do it (again, due to me seeing it as immature). I understand the nudist aspect and take no issue with people who chose to share their bodies in that way. While it's not my lifestyle choice, it certainly doesn't affect me. Skinny dipping, I'm not sure about, and I am trying to understand why. Last night I actually found out that he had gone late night swimming a couple weeks back and at least one of the women (very close friend of his) went nude. He never told me, and when I looked at him during the conversation last night he said "I wore my clothes". I think this is more a boundary thing for me. It makes me uncomfortable thinking about him being there. I wouldn't be naked around my close male friends, it just doesn't seem right. This might end up tying into to other boundary issues/differences between us, but that's another story. I suppose I've concluded that I am ok with impersonal nudity for visual/sexual pleasure (movies, porn), but not with more personal interactions, as with the skinny dipping and the event my bf went to today. I am also not a fan of strip clubs, as they are on a fine line between impersonal (viewing from afar) and personal (lap dance). Not to mention the money aspect.
Desinova Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I don't care if she sees other people in the buff, the only thing that would bother me if she was going nude. Those goodies are just for me.
norajane Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I'd be concerned about him being so immature. If I were dating someone who liked hanging around people who flash their boobies for beads at Mardi Gras, or who was a person who flashed their boobies for beads at Mardi Gras, well, we wouldn't be a good match.
tigressA Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I'd be more concerned with the immaturity than the nudity, OP. I'd watch for other signs of it. Me, I generally have no problem with nudity, though I'm not the type to randomly strip down in front of friends or whatever. I've had nude photos taken, and if any guy I were to become involved with had an issue with that, we wouldn't be a good match.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I'm not sure if I am just having a bad day or if I am being prudish. But, today my boyfriend went on a "hashing" event. Pretty much running around the city with a group of people, singing, acting, drinking. It's a trivia/scavenger hunt type thing and the theme this time was they all dressed up like mimes. I opted not to go because apparently the "new people" are hazed and made to do various things (though I'm told not forced). He said there was a lot of women flashing their breasts and men showing their penises. Just seems, well, immature to me. He had a great time, not solely from the nudity aspect; in fact, he said he liked running around and singing. I just feel like a jerk for not being "ok" with it. I consider myself an adult and a professional and would never partake in such a public event. So.. I'm thinking about this, and the truth about why I am bothered by it. I really don't think it's the nudity, but the level of immaturity. Hate to say this ScienceGal, but the more you talk about this guy the bigger of a loser this guy sounds like...what do you see in this guy? he sounds like an immature/incompetent kid in just about every facet. It just makes me worry about how insecure of a girl you'd have to be to be with a guy like this. I get the feeling that there isn't anything this guy could do to push you away, sure you'll get irked by it, but at the end of the day the result is the same...just accept this guy for who he is If this is what you want out of your life and who you want to be with. So personally I think most people wouldn't want their SO attending something like this, not even because it has nudity but the whole event sounds douchey teenagerish type vibe going on for it, I mean what kind of people do you think go to these things? I hate to be judgmental or generalize it but just doesn't strike me as two mature people in a relationship feeling inclined to do either. Porn/movies = Imo should be ok with women...they are women on a screen and can't be touched...it's just porn to me and most men don't connect with it on any other level than just visual/sexual stimulation. Skinny dipping w friends = Not really my thing either, wouldn't do it. Skinny dipping w my gf/wife pfft of course. Flicking my penis around using it in a game of ping pong for laughs with my buds...not exactly my idea of male bonding. So for friends, I'd say it's inappropriate to show the goods to them, just for the sake of having some class...maybe it happened once or something when everyone was drunk but it would have to be one of those weird situations. Strip clubs = men go to strip clubs for lap dances the majority of the time and the women there are pretty generous with the letting men be hands on w them as it yields higher tips and these idiots feel special and get all giddy about it. Sexual favors as well though. And think you always have to respect the relationship while in one.
fetch Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Okay, I have not read the entire thread. However. For the love of all that is sane, kindly educate yourself about what Hashes are before you condemn them online! PLEASE, go to one before you decide you don't like them for the sake of your boyfriend/date/whatever. A lot of couples Hash together. In fact, couples that Hash together tend to stay together versus those who do not. They are a social running group of 3-15+ mile trails, depending on the kennel (group) with beer checks (1 to several, again depending on the kennel) along a trail laid in flour marks by "hares" the "hounds" are chasing. The goal, in theory, is to catch a hare though it is rare since beer checks last ~15 minutes while the beer is consumed. It is based on the game "paper chase" of trying to find true trail amongst false trails laid. It has been going since the 40s and there are kennels across the globe. You do not have to drink to Hash. You do not have to even *run* to Hash; I certainly don't. You absolutely do not have to participate in a boob or wang checks to Hash. There is NO hazing. No one is forced to do anything they are uncomfortable with. I've been to plenty of Hashes where no one of either sex does the body part flashing checks. You don't even have to dress up to attend a themed Hash. No one will care. You don't have to participate in the "religion" afterwards where people are called out for breaking rules that don't really exist, or named, rude rugby songs are sung and people generally made fun of in a good-natured way as many Hashers are friends outside of Hashing. It is a social event for some; an exercise event for others. You get people from all walks, 21-70+. I am about as professional as you can get (!) and I am most certainly "mature" and I attend them routinely. Including the weekend benders. I do because they are a boat-load of fun with usually fantastic/interesting trails with really nice people who are fun and a great way to socialize when stuck somewhere due to work/travel where you don't know anyone. Some of the friendliest, most genuine, give you the shirt off their backs people I've met in the last ten years are Hashers. We recently had a Hasher die unexpectedly in a tragic accident and you should have seen everything we did for his mom, sisters and other family whom none of us knew or met before then. Cheers, 1
Author ScienceGal Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 ninjapajamas, tonight it the worst night I've had in this relationship because I feel like it's really nearing the end now. And it's not about me being insecure, it's about seeing wonderful qualities in someone and realizing that some of their other qualities might be enough to ruin it all. It's about wondering whether I can actually find all I want in one person or if I demand too much. This just isn't easy and it hurts me to face it. fetch, thanks for the details on hashing. At this particular one though, there was a lot of breast and penis flashing. As you eluded to, it's important that a couple feels the same way about it.
FitChick Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I've never heard of hashing, but now I know to avoid it.
kaylan Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 If its movies and porn, I really dont care at all. And they can get naked swimming, or chilling in a sauna or hot tub with friends as long as it isnt sexual in nature. Ive yet to see any of my friends naked though. In underwear, yes. Full naked, no.
ascendotum Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 If I had a gf who wanted to go on one of these 'hashing' events and had to flash her tits, it would not worry me. If she said it was so cool and she got so drunk and she cant wait till the next one that would concern me more. Its the maturity aspect and not the nudity aspect that would bother me. 1
kaylan Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) Also, this hashing thing just sounds like goofy fun to me. No biggie at all. Personally I do find it a bit prude to have an issue with minor things like this or skinny dipping with friends. It seems rather conservative and uptight. Strip clubs are an entire different thing and I agree with you on those. Strip clubs are sexual in nature...the other things dont have to be and can just be fun times or relaxing with platonic friends, male or female. PS - its a shame people cant have fun with their friends without being judged harshly. Just because we are adults doesnt mean we can never have wacky or immature fun times on the weekends. Lighten up folks. We dont have to be professional 9 to 5ers for 24/7. Edited July 9, 2012 by kaylan
Leopard Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I don't care if my boyfriend sees other people naked in general, be it movies, porn or skinny dipping. Unless it was all girls, I wouldn't go skinny dipping myself. No man sees me naked except my boyfriend.
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