ThingsAreComplicated Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Hello everyone, just had an emergency call from my best friend. As I have not experienced the problem that he has described yet I was a bit unsure about the reasoning/advice I could give. He has been dating for a while now and had 2 women with which things went to bed. He obviously had problems with his erection lately with the first one he tried to get through without talking obviously failed heavily and she nexted him the next day even though he told me she was pretty far on the emotional side. At this time I didn't knew he had those problems though so I thought it was just some random stuff. Now things happened again. He told me she was aware of this in advance, so at least he didn't repeat his mistake? (unsure about this) She said it would be no problem and they could work it out yaddayadda. Same process, she set up her facade after things failed, said everything is fine and dumped him a few days later claiming she had no emotions. well, let's assume for the sake of the argument that at least one of them felt a lot for him. Would such an event really kill all feelings in an instant? Hard to believe...Age group late 20s.
Algermas Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Yes, yes it is. Having erectile problems at that age is pretty much fatal to any relationship.
kaylan Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 ^Gonna agree with that. Sexual intimacy is an important aspect of a romantic relationship, so I wouldnt fault a man or woman for bailing on someone they couldnt connect with sexually. Its possible these women feel he lacks desire for them...because usually most guys are hard as rocks with women they are attracted to. So that would make some women not want to bother with your friend.
Algermas Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 ^Gonna agree with that. Sexual intimacy is an important aspect of a romantic relationship, so I wouldnt fault a man or woman for bailing on someone they couldnt connect with sexually. Its possible these women feel he lacks desire for them...because usually most guys are hard as rocks with women they are attracted to. So that would make some women not want to bother with your friend. Honestly it's like a girl who can't properly have sex because daddy touched her and she's traumatized. The girl can't help it and I feel bad but that's just not going to work. Same thing with your friend, he most likely can't help it but you can't expect healthy 20 something people to work with something like that.
Sanman Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I would have to say that it takes a very rare person, male or female, to work through that with someone. Most people simply realize that there are other options out there for them where this is not an issue and choose to pursue that. On he bright side, if your friend does find a woman that it really willing to work with him, there is a much higher chance that she is a keeper.
Leopard Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I think it would. If he can't even get it up for the girl, why would she want to continue dating him? It's like a girl can't get wet for a you...would you really want to keep seeing her? Wouldn't that be a dead giveaway that she's not really that into you? I realize that erectile disfunction doesn't always have to do with the girl, but if they can't even have sex, then that's not really dating then is it? And yes, it would kill all feelings. I once had strong feelings for a guy, and when we had sex, he had a very small and (sorry) useless penis. I couldn't even look at him after that. I was so disappointed and disheartened. I haven't seen or spoken to him since. He just lost all appeal.
USMCHokie Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Sexual incompatibility = instant dealbreaker. Nothing can salvage that...and it boggles my mind how people let a relationship continue when sex sucks...and then bitch and moan about bad sex years later...
Leopard Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Sexual incompatibility = instant dealbreaker. Nothing can salvage that...and it boggles my mind how people let a relationship continue when sex sucks...and then bitch and moan about bad sex years later... Sexual incompatibility is not a deal breaker. Incompatibility and incapability are two complete different things.
USMCHokie Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Sexual incompatibility is not a deal breaker. Incompatibility and incapability are two complete different things. I am sexual capable. She is not sexually capable. That is by definition an incompatibility. And being that I'm probably as sexually open and adventurous as you can get, I don't think I'm yet desperate enough to settle for someone without a similar attitude...I'll let you know in 20 years...
D-Lish Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Sexual incompatibility is not a deal breaker. Incompatibility and incapability are two complete different things. How is it not a deal breaker???? I can't imagine anything worse than vowing to spend eternity with someone I can't relate to sexually. 2
snug.bunny Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 well, let's assume for the sake of the argument that at least one of them felt a lot for him. Would such an event really kill all feelings in an instant? Hard to believe...Age group late 20s. If I had feelings for someone, and he had trouble getting an erection the first time, absolutely not. There's no way, just because someone I like, is a little **soft** initially, would stop me from liking him based on that alone.
Leopard Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 How is it not a deal breaker???? I can't imagine anything worse than vowing to spend eternity with someone I can't relate to sexually. I can't imagine anything worse than spending eternity with someone you can't relate to otherwise. My current bf is absolutely perfect except i'm not physically attracted to him, and i'm okay with that. It has been my first relationship where I put sexual compatibility low on the priority list, and it has been working beautifully so far. I guess i'm just different
mesmerized Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 It's a big turn off and it gives us the ladies the message that he is not attracted to us. Older women might be used to this with older men but women in their twenties and thirties are not.
CopingGal Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Is he taking a long time to get to know these women? Sex incapatibility...not a deal breaker...if there are true emotional feelings. They could work on his problem together, go to the doctor, try new medicine. Also, not all couples have intercourse. Christopher Reeves did not with his wife after his accident. There are other ways of showing affection. There are other ways of getting the job done. You need a good quality relationship for that to happen. I met a man like that online. He was very stupid, though. He talked to me for FOUR hours about how he could not perform. Over, and over and over again. IT wasn't a deal breaker to me. I said I would be okay and we could try different things. But he wouldn't shut up. He talked for FOUR friggin' hours about that and then showed me pictures of his HUMUNGOUS naked stomach...pictures in which he was not even smiling...and then never called back.
kaylan Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I can't imagine anything worse than spending eternity with someone you can't relate to otherwise. My current bf is absolutely perfect except i'm not physically attracted to him, and i'm okay with that. It has been my first relationship where I put sexual compatibility low on the priority list, and it has been working beautifully so far. I guess i'm just different But anyone whos seen your recent thread knows you arent completely happy and that youd leave this man if a better guy came along. So Id take your post with a grain of salt personally.
runner Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I can't imagine anything worse than spending eternity with someone you can't relate to otherwise. My current bf is absolutely perfect except i'm not physically attracted to him, and i'm okay with that. It has been my first relationship where I put sexual compatibility low on the priority list, and it has been working beautifully so far. I guess i'm just different wow i'm incredibly fascinated with this ! you should share more in another thread. okay, sorry for hijacking...resuming 'bad sex' convo
Emilia Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 well, let's assume for the sake of the argument that at least one of them felt a lot for him. Would such an event really kill all feelings in an instant? Hard to believe...Age group late 20s. Yes. There are no real loving feelings without sexual intimacy being involved. I don't understand when people claim they are in love with someone and yet the sex is terrible because they have trouble expressing themselves freely to each other
SarahRose Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 he needs to figure out what his problem is. is he desensitised from looking at too much porn and polishing the dolphin?
carhill Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 let's assume for the sake of the argument that at least one of them felt a lot for him. Would such an event really kill all feelings in an instant? It *could* kill attraction and, for that age group in general, and evidently those samples in particular, attraction was the predominant subset of 'feelings' in play at the time. How long had the samples dated your friend before 'going to bed'? Also, I saw the word 'obviously' used twice. Erectile dysfunction is but one potential reason for 'bad sex' and, for many couples, it's not a steering issue in sexual performance at all. Is 'obviously' used to describe the late 20's mindset that 'bad sex' is always due to 'limp dick'? Curious about that.
Leopard Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 wow i'm incredibly fascinated with this ! you should share more in another thread. okay, sorry for hijacking...resuming 'bad sex' convo I did have another thread about this. I was constantly attacked and put down. You can private message me if you have any questions though
Fabrizio Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 How is it not a deal breaker???? I can't imagine anything worse than vowing to spend eternity with someone I can't relate to sexually. Hi, there is something even worse. Is to not find the determination to quit a marriage where there is not sex among the partners just because you don't wanna crash down all the family structure you have worked together to build and don't wanna hurt the other one that prefers to continue this theatrical play. So from my experience I can honestly say: maybe sex is not important in marriage but for sure a marriage without sex is a slow, neverending torture! Best wishes
CopingGal Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I once had a friend with that problem. His girlfriend had no uterus and couldn't do it either. It was a match made in heaven.
Author ThingsAreComplicated Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Is he taking a long time to get to know these women? depends on how you define long time. He told me it usually takes longer for him to click with a woman and wanting more, but I wasn't there. Based on the things he told me I'd assume like 2 months before having sex. he needs to figure out what his problem is. is he desensitised from looking at too much porn and polishing the dolphin? uhm, I always thought that was a myth? Actually he has been single for a long time now and he is not the kind of guy who likes ONS etc. So this could very well be the case. Any chance to get out of it? How long had the samples dated your friend before 'going to bed'? Also, I saw the word 'obviously' used twice. Erectile dysfunction is but one potential reason for 'bad sex' and, for many couples, it's not a steering issue in sexual performance at all. Is 'obviously' used to describe the late 20's mindset that 'bad sex' is always due to 'limp dick'? Curious about that. 1st question see above. Maybe I misused the word "obvious" but he told that he couldn't do it so I don't see another reason. And no, bad sex is definately not about limp dicks... In general there seems to be a consensus that it's a dealbreaker with some exceptions. However I still fail to understand. It's a singular event and quite frankly, if I like someone so much that I go to bed with him I wouldn't dump him if it didn't work for the first time. In my own experience (see question above^^) I can say I never had good sex the first 3-5 times with a new partner. But maybe thats just me. Besides that I wouldn't compare getting it up with getting wet, sorry ladies
irin Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 your missing a very important point here, girls take very personal offence to this especially if its at the very beginning of the R, not being able to get up, in their minds translates as im not hot enough for him, he doesnt find me attractive, its their fault in their minds!
Recommended Posts