Radu Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) Some ppl prefer to be submissive, some ppl prefer to be dominant. I think it's down mostly to education, what the family environment was when those ppl grew up [why i think parents who cheat are risking their kids], not to mention societal expectations. It's true that in the western world there has been untill the 50's a lot of societal pressure in women letting men lead. 1st and 2nd wave feminism fixed this by earning equal rights, so that those that want to lead at home or in society can do so without resorting fully to passive-agressive nagging [if you don't know what i mean, look at the old couples where the woman leads, see how she ended up in that position and what she does to lead]. They have gone too far though, and this is why the word submissive is now a dirty word. All the later waves of feminism have tried to bring into focus the ideea that submissiveness is bad, that all men want to rape women, that men abuse women [but the reverse doesn't happen], that women are superior in studying and that affirmative action is the right thing to do. TheFinalWord on this page posted a very good comment, about submissiveness and dominating. For further reference read CarrieT's posts, she lets him lead but that doesn't mean she is a slave, that everything her guy does is against her own good [i still haven't read 50 shades of grey but those sites you mentioned are awesome]. Edited July 9, 2012 by Radu
january2011 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 1. Why do some women think that submissive=doormat? 2. What is your definition of submissive? 3. And why do you take offence when a man wants to take over? 1. Because, in my mind, to submit (in a general sense) is to let someone else have power and control over your life choices. You are deferring to that other person and aren't allowed any input. Your feelings and opinions, as you want to express them, aren't taken into account. 2. See 1. 3. I don't like feeling that my opinion doesn't matter, especially when it comes to something that affects me. I don't like assumptions being made that I'm okay with something without being asked. It's rude. In my opinion, giving up control of my life choices means that I can blame someone else for failures and not receive credit for successes. My failures and successes are my own. They belong to me. Generally, the only time when I will defer to someone else (whether male or female) is if I believe they are more competent to make a decision on the task at hand. Trying to make me submit using Type A aggression is just going to lead me to either push back or ignore you and passive-aggressively do the complete opposite of what you're suggesting. It's one reason why I don't get on with extreme alpha male/dominant types unless they are very competent at what they do - most aren't, they talk the talk but can't walk the walk. If they are competent but uncouth, I'll just stay out of their way and let them get on with whatever it is they're meant to be getting on with. 1
Emilia Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 So girls who don't cook & clean for their men, changes spare tire by themselves and go to home depot by them selves, How do you behave on the bed???? The same way as a man does who is capable of cooking for himself, knows how to change tires and is able to buy a pot of paint all by himself You know, like a human being who is not completely pathetic.
SarahRose Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I suppose I am dominant as I have a powerful career in a male dominated industry. But because I am a Buddhist I have a very laid back zen way. My husband was quite passive and shy but I have a knack for empowering people and he has really shined since we have been together. We usually make joint decisions. There are things that he is absolutely in charge of too. He knows more about it and I defer to him. I think you really have to try to take the ego out of it. 1
yongyong Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 See you can't even say it online even though you do all the dirty things everyone else do as a normal human being.... I was talking about male/female's role all the way down to the basic. I am pretty sure you like please men on the bed though The same way as a man does who is capable of cooking for himself, knows how to change tires and is able to buy a pot of paint all by himself You know, like a human being who is not completely pathetic.
neowulf Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Never personally felt the desire / need to be responsible for the decisions of another person. I don't wish to control, nor be controlled. My relationships generally strive to be equal partnerships. I don't mind admitting when I'm unsure, or in unfamiliar terrortory. Likewise, I don't mind speaking up when the need arises. I'm actually pretty surprised at the number of people who do appear to seek very asymmetrical power dynamics in their relationships.
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