Why do women hate being submissive to a man?

[Pyro]

I personally don't want a chick who's always submissive.

 

Same here. That would be a boring life to live to have someone be submissive to me all the time.

 

My definition of submissive is for someone to let the other person make all the final decisions and have all the say in a matter. Pretty much a legal slave.

[WonderKid]

I like strong and powerful women

 

I don't know why but I just do

[Algermas]

Newsflash: some women earn more than their husbands

 

 

 

Maybe because the father does a disappearing act and fails to act like a responsible parent

 

Very few. That's not the point, the point is that women like to claim they can do it all without a man, then when the man disappears the resulting problems are because of his absence. That makes sense to you?

[Badsingularity]

Most women do not mind being at least somewhat submissive...with the right man.

 

 

Also, women should not be submissive to a man unless he is a good, strong, decisive, well intentioned, warm, loving, leader of a man.

 

A man who wants to lead, love, and protect. Not control.

 

Submissiveness to weak controlling men is what causes many abusive relationships.

[Algermas]

He'd pulled that one out of his bum. My mother didn't have anyone to take care of her and her siblings. She took care of herself and her siblings. She's certainly no criminal and has done w/ out a man before.

 

Because that's what more likely means, that every single one of them turn out a criminal. I'd like to know where you graduated HS so I can get their accreditation revoked.

[Teal]

I submit to the will of intelligent, ethical, and dedicated leaders. Very few people are these and so very few people are fit to be in a dominant position with me in my personal life. I don't feel comfortable submitting as a relationship role as opposed to managing myself and my own affairs. I have faith in myself and I own my mistakes, but I have faith in others selectively - often not in their ability to be a dominant partner or a leader - and I don't want to have to own their mistakes.

Edited July 8, 2012 by Teal

[Badsingularity]

My wife let's me lead most of the time because she knows I love her and only have good intentions, but this thread reminded me of one of the ways she takes charge sometimes.

 

I'm a big baby when I get sick and I realy realy don't like taking medicine of any kind, even if I am in pain.

 

Conversation when I am sick.

 

Wife: You need to take your medicine sweety you are suffering for no reason.

 

Me: NO! I don't want to. You know I don't like to take medicine.

 

Wife: ....... (grabs medicine and puts it in my hand) You are going to take that medicine and you are going to do it NOW! TAKE YOUR @#$%#%& MEDICINE! (stands over me like she is about to put a beating on me)

 

ME: .........ok.........(takes medicine)

 

[Pyro]

In reality both the man and the woman in a relationship are 'submissive' towards different things. The woman lets the man take charge (submissive) in areas that he is stronger/more knowledgeable about and vice versa.

 

I would call that compromise and not being submissive.

 

Someone being submissive means that they rarely or never take charge.

[CarrieT]

I'm just curious what her safe word is.

 

I don't have one and have never needed one.

 

Too many people are getting their information about D/s relationships from the hack book 50 Shades of Grey. It is a crock-o-sh*t and nothing like real world D/s or M/s relationships.

 

Being submissive does not mean I am not a strong and powerful woman, because I am. And it does not mean that my BF and I do not have ebbs and flows in our relationship.

 

There are those who have met me who automatically assume I am the one handling the whip because of my dominant personality. Looks can be very deceiving.

 

To answer of some of Leopard's questions:

 

I don't know how many of you have experience with this, but do you think that voluntarily participating in D/S role playing games would help build trust between two partners? - Very, very much. It isn't just role-playing games, but a lifestyle. My BF is my D and he is my Master. It has led me to trust him implicitly in our day-to-day lives.

 

Or does the trust already need to be established for this kind of role playing to occur? In developing our relationship, I relinquished control early on and the trust built from there.

 

There are those who enter into D/s relationships who foolishly give up control and trust too early on. It is like any other relationship where you have to learn the person to determine if you can trust them. It involves a great deal of communication; sometimes more than I believe a "vanilla" relationship has, which is why it works for me.

[yongyong]

I am pretty sure 'those feminist bitxhes' would love to be dominated by Men.

they will talk about equality and all other B.S during the day.

At night, they don't mind kneeling down and sucking on their mens xxxx like a slave.

 

So girls who don't cook & clean for their men, changes spare tire by themselves and go to home depot by them selves, How do you behave on the bed????

[Teal]

I am pretty sure 'those feminist bitxhes' would love to be dominated by Men.

they will talk about equality and all other B.S during the day.

At night, they don't mind kneeling down and sucking on their mens xxxx like a slave.

 

So girls who don't cook & clean for their men, changes spare tire by themselves and go to home depot by them selves, How do you behave on the bed????

 

Like a majestic stallion.

 

Neighghgh.

[Woggle]

I believe in equal roles but I do believe that if a woman expects a man to play his traditional role she should play hers as well and it works the other way around. Also sometimes they do take it too far and seem to go out of their way to prove how much they don't need the man which is not an attractive trait.

[CarrieT]

I didn't know that was what the book was about until you just shed some light on it. The 'safe word' has been around long before that book. I was just curious.

 

I was really hoping you would have said it was something like 'gummie bear' or 'canning season'. Curiosity was satisfied, thanks.

 

Don't get me wrong - I have played with some Doms where a safeword was needed because it was just that: Play. It was purely sexual and did not involve anything close to a relationship and in that regard, a safeword was not only advisable, but required.

 

With my current D, we established a really strong intellectual relationship early on before we go to the sex part and because of it, there was never any discussion of needing a safeword; I knew he wouldn't go beyond what I was capable of and, in fact, my pain tolerance level is much higher than he is comfortable going.

[TheFinalWord]

I've read somewhere on LS that a lot of women are offended by men wanting a woman to be submissive, and i'm just wondering why?

 

By submissive I mean in any aspect. It can be financial, sexual, personality-wise...and please note I mean submissive, not doormat. For lots of women, being submissive means the same as being a doormat.

 

1. Why do some women think that submissive=doormat?

 

2. What is your definition of submissive?

 

3. And why do you take offence when a man wants to take over?

 

A lot of confusion comes because men themselves do not know what it means for a woman to be submissive. Most women want a man to take the lead, that's where the whole "confident men are attractive" originates (I'm not opening that can of worms )

 

The main place we see submission defined for Western culture is the bible.

 

Now before I get into anything, I want to clarify that submission DOES NOT mean the woman is lower than the man. It's more akin to leadership. People naturally want to come under a leader. People often resist managers, i.e. people put in places of authority via without any input from those over who they manage. Submission is a form of protection, and it's quite a responsibility to bear. Just look at the President. We elect him and he serves us, even though we submit to him. But look at the stress. I would rather submit and let someone else take the lead, but God's method says its the man's job. It should be something we constantly reflect upon. Am I abusing my role? Am I putting her first? If there is no sense of concern, then the intention may be wrong.

 

Man-women submission is only in marriage and it is representative of the relationship Christ has with the church.

Also, the man is supposed to submit to the wife as well! When you put your wife first, you will actually be submitting to her. Only the format for submission is in a different role:"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." The man submits in that he puts his wife above himself. Which means if he is doing his job, he isn't going to use his leadership in an abusive way AT ALL. He will be very aware of his actions and constantly analyze his intentions as well as feedback from his wife. It is self-less, which means a selfish man is not suited for a wife, which is one area ladies you should analyze. Is he selfish? If so, don't marry him. He won't put you above himself

 

Regarding husbands, they are supposed to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Now did Christ bully the church and put himself first? No, he sacrificed himself for it. And that is the root of submission, sacrificial love. The highest form of love. That means the husband puts his wife ABOVE his own life.

 

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"

 

A lot of women put on here they do want to submit, but only for the right man. That is very true and the bible tells how to know if its the right man...

 

"In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

 

So to answer the OP, women resist it b/c men do not know the right context for submission. My guess is most women that don't want submission have had a man abuse his leadership. They haven't encountered sacrificial love from a man, so they put up a wall. The fact women resist it is the failure of us men; we should look at ourselves and not blame women. They're not ignorant, they know when a man is selfish and they resist submitting to a selfish man; which is healthy. We need to step up and stop being cowards and abusive IMHO.

 

If we blame women, we are doing exactly the opposite of what we are supposed to be doing: leading. It's the wrong mentality. When there is a failure a leader doesn't blame others. He looks at himself. SO if there is a failure among women in wanting to submit, we men need to look at ourselves. We're the one's failing, not them. If we blame women, we are still embodying exactly why women resist it.

 

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." - Jesus

Edited July 8, 2012 by TheFinalWord

[Leopard]

Don't get me wrong - I have played with some Doms where a safeword was needed because it was just that: Play. It was purely sexual and did not involve anything close to a relationship and in that regard, a safeword was not only advisable, but required.

 

Oh wow.

 

I don't know how you can find a random person to do these things with. It's so intimate and personal.

 

I know this kind of thing is quite common, but I can't imagine how it can be done outside of a relationship (gf and bf for example).

[A O]

I've read somewhere on LS that a lot of women are offended by men wanting a woman to be submissive, and i'm just wondering why?

 

By submissive I mean in any aspect. It can be financial, sexual, personality-wise...and please note I mean submissive, not doormat. For lots of women, being submissive means the same as being a doormat.

Who really wants to be submissive to anyone! In all relationships there is a leader and a follower with both roles interchangeable depending on who has proven to be more capable at a given task. This is how most relationships work. The cynical among us and fair to say the weak, see such common interactions in a different light. They see it as a power struggle, the battle for dominance or submissiveness. But this view is based on fear, of doubting their own ability to deal with relationship interactions. For everyone else, terms like submissiveness is just something they read about and not something they’re fearful of because even though they themselves can put themselves in what could loosely be described as a submissive position, it doesn’t bother them one bit because they know, they have enough confidence in their own abilities that they can soon take the reins, move from submissive (or a follower) to dominant (a leader) when or if the need arises.

 

So, to answer your question be it a man or a woman – its fear, fear of themselves as much as fear of others.

[CarrieT]

Oh wow.

 

I don't know how you can find a random person to do these things with. It's so intimate and personal.

 

Actually, via Collarme.com, Alt.com, and Fetlife, one can hook-up and "play" with any number of interested parties. It is VERY easy to find play partners (there are even clubs like San Francisco's Citadel and Power Exchange where you don't even have to use the 'net to find someone), but it is much more difficult to find a true partner to connect with.

 

I have been in-and-out of the scene for over 25 years and while I would occasionally be able to add elements of D/s to a relationship, it was only recently I was able to find a true partner who was able to encompass all of the aspects I desired: sexual, intellectual, philosophies, lifestyle, hobbies, etc.

[brahmabull117]

This, ladies and gentlemen is a "REAL" woman, that acts like a woman. She's not stupid, or weak, or a doormat, but she plays her role in the relationship, and allows her partner to be the man. The flip side of this, gentlemen, is in order for this to work, you need to behave like a man. If you can't, and you abuse her, and cheat on her, and such, then you deserve the screaming, loud, obnoxious, feminazi biatches.Not sure about the whole "master" thing though.

 

 

 

I'm a pretty masculine guy but I don't see any reason why relationships have to be a submissive/dominant kind of thing. I see it more like a partnership - 2 people getting together and doing everything in their power to maximize each other's happiness.

 

 

For me, I can be very dominant if I need to be and my girlfriend is naturally like that but I can also lay back and let a girl take the lead if she enjoys doing that on occasion as well. The important thing is that both people respect and support each other and help each other achieve what they want to achieve in life

[piggyoink]

lets rename this the Gorean thread

[mortensorchid]

Well, why do you think 50 Shades of Grey has become a best seller? Ha ha ha ...

 

But all joking aside, there should be a happy balance of submission/domination in relationships. I've always said that is a big issue with me, in that I am a dominant, Alpha female. My father is a dominering man, my mother remains submissive to him, but my sister (four years younger than me) and I became dominants because I think secretly we wanted to be more like dad than mom. As a result, I seem to have attracted a lot of submissive or weak men in my lifetime. Even when I try to balance things out and say "ok, I will let you lead" they seem to resent it somehow. Then the next one they go for is even weaker than they are. So I guess the answer is that a lot of men do want women to be submissive to them.

 

Although oddly enough, about half of the married women I know seem to be the breadwinners of their households. I guess there is no true answer, except for the fact that there are many contradictions in the world and this is one of them.

[brahmabull117]

Well, why do you think 50 Shades of Grey has become a best seller? Ha ha ha ...

 

But all joking aside, there should be a happy balance of submission/domination in relationships. I've always said that is a big issue with me, in that I am a dominant, Alpha female. My father is a dominering man, my mother remains submissive to him, but my sister (four years younger than me) and I became dominants because I think secretly we wanted to be more like dad than mom. As a result, I seem to have attracted a lot of submissive or weak men in my lifetime. Even when I try to balance things out and say "ok, I will let you lead" they seem to resent it somehow. Then the next one they go for is even weaker than they are. So I guess the answer is that a lot of men do want women to be submissive to them.

 

Although oddly enough, about half of the married women I know seem to be the breadwinners of their households. I guess there is no true answer, except for the fact that there are many contradictions in the world and this is one of them.

 

 

 

 

I dated a girl who was kind of dominant and I really enjoyed it. She was still feminine and sexy and I can be very masculine whenever I needed to be so it was great

 

 

 

I love girls like that who are kind of feisty and have a strong personality as long as they're not like that all the time

[CarrieT]

I don't see any reason why relationships have to be a submissive/dominant kind of thing. I see it more like a partnership - 2 people getting together and doing everything in their power to maximize each other's happiness.

 

 

For me, I can be very dominant if I need to be and my girlfriend is naturally like that but I can also lay back and let a girl take the lead if she enjoys doing that on occasion as well. The important thing is that both people respect and support each other and help each other achieve what they want to achieve in life

Don't believe that being a submissive doesn't mean that my partner and I aren't very respectful and supportive of one another. We remarked early on how much we admire each other for our accomplishments, brains, and support.

 

What we do together is usually done based on discussion and mutual interests, I take the lead in some regards (usually involving food), and my BF won't allow me to put gas in my car or change a flat tire (even though I am always ready to do so).

 

lets rename this the Gorean thread

Oh please no.... When we started dating, my BF asked me to read some Gor novels. He knows I hate them. I read them to get an idea of some concepts of slavery, but the actual language used and poorly written dialogue stuck in my craw. If you are remotely familiar with the Gor books, you might enjoy Houseplants of Gor.

[brahmabull117]

Don't believe that being a submissive doesn't mean that my partner and I aren't very respectful and supportive of one another. We remarked early on how much we admire each other for our accomplishments, brains, and support.

 

What we do together is usually done based on discussion and mutual interests, I take the lead in some regards (usually involving food), and my BF won't allow me to put gas in my car or change a flat tire (even though I am always ready to do so).

 

 

 

 

I certainly have no problem with your arrangement with your man. I just don't like the old school guys who claim that's the only way to live life or that there is something wrong with men and women having an equal partnership

[KungFuJoe]

First off...who says women don't want to be submissive to their man? It has nothing to do with the gender...it has to do with TRUST.

 

If the trust is there, men AND women want to be submissive equally.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Being submissive is a trait that is not gender specific. There are submissive people of any gender.

 

I think women are offended by the idea of being submissive to a man specifically when it's implied or stated that she "should" be, just because she is the woman and he's the man.

 

It's up to individuals and people in relationships to determine that.