tusharsolanki Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 hey guys.. iv recently gone through a break up.. it turns out that my gf was cheating on me.. i acidently saw her messages on her mobile.. the moment i saw those messages sent to that other guy my whole world crashing down on me. i considered her my life. i always thought i would end up marrying her.. love doesnt even describe the thing i had for her... she conveyed the same feelings... but i dont know what made her do this.. i was so much in love with her that the only thing i ever thought about when i was with her was how to make more happy.. i used to get her a rose almost everyday.. used to make her cards... used to even write poems for her... i mean what kind of a guy writes poetry?? i used to do the impossible for her.. and it seems she loved me too.. we were madly in love... we both would talk abt getting married and stuff... the moment i confronted her.. we had no choice but to break up.. and that other guy himself just vanished from the picture.. she was a very pretty and beautifull girl and above all she was my heart.. but now i am deppressed.. i feel very low.. she has realised her mistake but i dont know what to do now...?? how do i cope with this deppression??
Chi townD Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 It's not easy and I'm sorry you find yourself here. You've made the choice to end it. (well, actually she ended it with her actions) Now is the time to move on and start to heal. You are going to go through a whole range of emotions. You're depressed, then you're going to get angry. You'll want to call her and tell her that you love her and you miss her, THEN you'll want to call her and tell her she's a cheating sl*t. This is going to happen. You need to ride out the storm. You need to go NC with her (No contact). No phonecalls, texts or e-mails. YOU NEED TO BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK!!! Do not answer any phonecalls texts or e-mails from her. If you are tempted, post here instead. Does NC suck? YEP!!!! But trust me, it's the best way to get over the lose of this relationship.
headsashed Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Hey pal,sorry your going through this,i know exactly how u feel,i felt exactly the way you did for your ex,loved her more than life itself and after 2 and half years together she did the ultimate betrayel,she slept with some random guy on holiday,dumped me when she got back but for different reasons,her friends told me she cheated on me,it crushed my whole world. But,it does get better,trust me,i was and probably still am a very weak emotional person but i stood strong,im 2 months post break up and i feel so much better,how? NC,its hard at 1st but it does get easier. So many times ive wanted to call her up and call her every name under the sun but i stood strong and now im feeling better for it. Just keep busy,stay with friends,talk it out and i promise u that the pain will ease in no time. 1
Author tusharsolanki Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 thanx for the support.. the thing thats making it more tough is that i'v got to see her everyday at the college.. and what i see now on her face is a sense of realisation.. i get saddened by seeing her sad... can u believe dat? thats how deep my love was for her... and this is really making it hard for me.. you'r right.. i feel like contacting her even though she did such a thing.. thoughts of reconciling keeps occuring... but i know i shoudnt do any such thing.. m really shattered... i hope this NC helps...
Author tusharsolanki Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 headsashed- damn... m so sorry... but m really glad your so strong and over it now... reading this makes my problem look like a piece of cake... i hope you cherish the rest of your life... and i hope i get as strong as you...
headsashed Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I also see my ex regular because we live on the same street,but all u can do is stay strong,ive had txts and emails and last night at 3am i get a phone call,but i stayed strong and didnt answer. Each day will get that little bit easier too. You only get those thoughts of reconcilliation because you still love her,when you start gettin over her then those thoughts will fade,ive had them too but she cheated just like your ex so they do not deserve a seconds chance. 1
Author tusharsolanki Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 headsashed- i understand bro... i thought i was goin mad... needed a psychiatrist or somethin... dats how fu**ed up and deep my love was.. but sharing this with you has really helped me a lot... thanx a ton.. keep going strong brother..
headsashed Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Thats the spirit,understand this pal,you aint alone in this,im still hurting but i feel millions better,i can sleep and eat fine now,and you will too. You will go through many emotions but just ride them out and if u ever get the urge to contact her then post here instead of phone a friend,its what i did. Now i hardly ever get the urge. NC all the way 1
Warrior Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Time to move on my friend. I know it hurts, but she is going to do this again, next time it will be twice hurtful. But hey! that is just my advice, and who am I? I wish you good luck, best of wishes and I send you my prayers for your fast healing 2
Chi townD Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 The hard part will be when she contacts you. She was an important part of your life and it would be an automatic response to answer her calls. You have to be strong and ignore the urge. People find it easier to post here and give them a little strenght to igore it. 1
Author tusharsolanki Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 warrior - yeah... i'v got a feeling she'l do it again.. though i loved her more than my life, but its finally time to let it go.. she has already started bombing me with texts of repentance and realisation... i just cant let it get to my head.. though its really hard.. i had always visualised my future with her... but this just cant be anymore... all i want is the pain to stop now.. so that i cud move on..
headsashed Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 The hard part will be when she contacts you. She was an important part of your life and it would be an automatic response to answer her calls. You have to be strong and ignore the urge. People find it easier to post here and give them a little strenght to igore it. listen to my good friend chitown,hes helped me loads since my break up,i agree with him when he says the hardest part is to not respond if she contacts you. If your strong enough to not respond then you will fly through the pain. This is how far ive come,since yesterday my ex has hacked my facebook,emailed me,txt me,rang me at 3am and today ive had a missed call and txt from her,but u know what,i had no urge to reply at all,if that happend a month ago i would have responded to her,shows time does heal and NC is the way forward.
Author tusharsolanki Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 The hard part will be when she contacts you. She was an important part of your life and it would be an automatic response to answer her calls. You have to be strong and ignore the urge. People find it easier to post here and give them a little strenght to igore it. she already has started sending texts... its been 2 weeks since the break up.. i even replied to 2-3 of them... i said i forgive her and have decided to move on.. i wish i had posted this problem earlier..
Author tusharsolanki Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 i hope i did the right thing... i dint reply to any of her texts after that.. it was literaly very hard for me to not to reply to her... she had been like a drug to me.. i was addicted to her... and she was addicted to me... so i cudnt stop from replying.. but the moment i i wrote i forgive you and want to move on... i decided not to try to contact her or even reply to her.. only if i had posted my problem anytime sooner... i wouldnt have replied to her even once.
Chi townD Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Yep! And let me guess. It doesn't feel right NOT to respond. It just feels wrong not to. But, that will change in time. Okay look, you've already sent her back two texts, one of forgiveness and one stating that you want to move on. That is your closure. You don't need to respond to anything else. It might be easier to get your number changed. It's not going to be easy in the beginning. IT IS GOING TO SUCK!! But, you have to hang in there. It does get easier! Headsashed, my Bro on the otherside of the pond, when he first broke up with his Ex he was Bullheaded and made huge mistakes at first. Then, this stuff started to make sense to him and he started applying what he's learned here to his life. He's made massive changes and he's probably one of the strongest posters on here due to the proximity of his Ex. She's literally right down the street from him! And he's doing the NC and healing up just fine. What you need to do is start making changes in your life. Get a new haircut and some new clothes, change your self-image and helps your self esteem. Get a membership to a gym and start pushing weight and running your ass off on the treadmill. It's a great way to work off stress and frustrations. Go back to school and get that college degree or a masters or doctorate. Improve your finances by improving your career opportunities. Plus, better to be in a classroom where you keep your mind busy on schoolwork rather than thinking about your Ex. THEN, save your money and save for a trip somewhere. A place that you've always wanted to visit but you never had and just go! Go see it. Take a friend with you! And spend time with your friends! Go do things! Stay busy!
steveblack Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 One of my ex's cheated on me and it was awful. Hang in there. The good news is you know that she is definitely NOT the one (as hard as that sounds). (i got to start taking my own advice!) 1
Plan 9 from OS Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 i hope i did the right thing... i dint reply to any of her texts after that.. it was literaly very hard for me to not to reply to her... she had been like a drug to me.. i was addicted to her... and she was addicted to me... so i cudnt stop from replying.. but the moment i i wrote i forgive you and want to move on... i decided not to try to contact her or even reply to her.. only if i had posted my problem anytime sooner... i wouldnt have replied to her even once. 1) Since your last response to her, you are absolutely doing the right thing by avoiding her like the plague. It's not like you are married and/or have to worry about kids being in the mix. As BF and GF, you two can make a clean break with no real long term damage. Thank your stars you didn't marry her and have find out about her cheating later. 2) Sorry to be the dick to break this to you, but the "addiction" was a one way street. If she was really "addicted" to you, then she would not have cheated on you. I assume she cheated with this guy multiple times, so it's not like this was a momentary lapse of judgement. It was planned out with the inention to deceive. 3) You may have sent her a mixed signal here with the last text stating you forgive her and want to move on. She may need clarification on what move on means...She may be thinking that you forgive and want to move past her cheating and continue the relationship. If you have to, break your no contact rule once to tell her it's over - if that is what you want to do in the end. I know I would in a hearbeat. 1
Author tusharsolanki Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 chi town- thanx a lot chi town.... but its getting really heart breaking by seeing what she has started doing.. i just attended one of the lectures in which she was sitting rite in front. and i was rite at the back.. and m seeing that she has manipulated her freinds... and some of them are even freinds that i usually greeted in the morning, into thinking that i was the reason for the break up...i believe she has cocked up an untruthfull story against me.. i really wanted to confront them with the truth.. but i just thought it would look that she is still successfull in hurting me.. i really coudnt stop my eyes from getting wet. maybe dats y m hurt so much, m a hell of an emotional guy.. i mean how cold hearted is she? the girl who loved me so much is throwing up stories so that no one blames her?? why am i the one suffering while the only thing she has is a sad pretty face to show around? please help me... i feel good wen i get replies from you guys who are willing to help me out..
Author tusharsolanki Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 plan 9 - i understand wot you mean.. she sent me a message saying i would like to meet you.. to appologise and i owe you an explanation.. i replied i'l hear your sorry the day it comes from your heart, and the day you actually feel it.. dont bother me until then.. she sent me txts after dat ... but i dint reply to them.. dat was my last reply.. and i plan on it being the last.
headsashed Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Headsashed, my Bro on the otherside of the pond, when he first broke up with his Ex he was Bullheaded and made huge mistakes at first. Then, this stuff started to make sense to him and he started applying what he's learned here to his life. He's made massive changes and he's probably one of the strongest posters on here due to the proximity of his Ex. She's literally right down the street from him! And he's doing the NC and healing up just fine Thanx for the ego boost chitown lol,made my day ..I know ur in a lot of pain right now mate but it will get easier with the right tools. You can ask anyone on here who followed my story about my manipulative ex and the things she did to keep me from moving on,ofcourse i was alot to blame too but it made me such a stronger person,shes still doing things to this very day but i dont bite or anything. What knocks you down makes you stronger,remember that. It took alot of self inflicted pain and relentless advice on here to get me where i am today but it was worth it,believe me. All you have to do is stay strong and posotive then you will be fine i promise. 1
Author tusharsolanki Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 thanx a ton head sashed... my freinds back here werent able to help me much.. since yesterday the only thing i look forward to wenever i switch on the laptop is replies from you guys... this forum has really given me some kind of a faint hope.. it let me know that there's still some strength in me no matter how less... and that theres still a way to get back to life... i just want the pain inside me to end, and i guess thats gonna happen only if i inflict more pain upon me through nc.. its tough to get positive thoughts into my mind rite now.. but thats the challenege rite? bring it on...
headsashed Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Yup thats a challenge but 1 you should look forward to doing and once you have done it then you will be well on your way to recovery. Ive got a massive challenge right now,my headphones keep falling out of my ears and its really getting me mad lol,i need bigger ear holes,grr all i wanna do is listen my music haha
Author tusharsolanki Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 haha.. man you seem like a real decent guy... thanx for the support and stuff dude.. the pain thats terrorizing me from my inside seems to lessen everytime i type here.. i really loved her u know.. i still dream a bit abt her... though i really wana stop it... and then i get up sudenly at night wondering what went wrong in this relationship.. at that time i can hardly controll my emotions... its like theyr waiting to burst out.. i just wana forget everything abt her.. which seems impossible.. considering iv got all the memories of her firmly stored in my brain.. lets hope for the best... i hope all this doesnt make it tough for you.. afterall its been just 2 mths for you too..
Chi townD Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 and m seeing that she has manipulated her freinds... and some of them are even freinds that i usually greeted in the morning, into thinking that i was the reason for the break up...i believe she has cocked up an untruthfull story against me.. i really wanted to confront them with the truth.. but i just thought it would look that she is still successfull in hurting me.. This is called blameshifting. It happens when cheaters get caught and they try to shift the blame of the demise of the relationship onto you because they don't want to admit that it was, in fact, their cheating that caused the end. She wants her friends to feel sorry for her so she has a support network. Do you really think that she would have that if she told them the truth? I wouldn't worry about it. She's going to say what she wants to say. She's probably venting to people as well because you won't give her what she wants and that's communication with you. I wouldn't be shocked in the least if one of her friends does approach you and asks you what happened. If this does happen, just tell the truth. You shouldn't be scared of the truth. And then let it go. Believe me, the truth of what happened will spread like wild fire. Everyone loves a good piece of gossip. And people will be able to piece it together on what really happpened. They'll think to themselves, " You know, I've never seen Tush act like a complete asshat to her at all, and prior to the break up, I never heard of any problems they were having. I thought they were the perfect couple, maybe Tush is telling the truth."
headsashed Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 haha.. man you seem like a real decent guy... thanx for the support and stuff dude.. the pain thats terrorizing me from my inside seems to lessen everytime i type here.. i really loved her u know.. i still dream a bit abt her... though i really wana stop it... and then i get up sudenly at night wondering what went wrong in this relationship.. at that time i can hardly controll my emotions... its like theyr waiting to burst out.. i just wana forget everything abt her.. which seems impossible.. considering iv got all the memories of her firmly stored in my brain.. lets hope for the best... i hope all this doesnt make it tough for you.. afterall its been just 2 mths for you too.. It still is tough for me but ive learned to cope with it,i can honestly say that i can now go about my daily routine without feeling sad or depressed,dont get me wrong,i still think about her alot and miss her etc but its just not as intense anymore. I still have the odd dream about her and when i wake it does hurt but i just shake my head and get on with my day. As each day passes the pain gets that little bit less as it will with you so dont get disheartened when you get bad days,just ride them out. You need a night on the town with me pal,we can leave chitown in the corner all drunk chatting up some old lady and me and you will knock some shapes out on the dance floor,lol.
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