who am i Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 So I posted another thread, but I don't think I got my point across like I wanted. Here goes attempt #2. I've known for several years that I wasn't happy in my marriage. I have spent the entire relationship trying to live up to this standard that I thought would make me a better person. Over the past 5 years or so my wife's anger and temper has gotten worse and worse. It's now at a point that every time she says something negative, I shut down. I despise being around her, I can't talk to her about anything real because she is strongly opinionated to the point where she gets angry if someone disagrees, and of which is a problem because we don't agree on anything of substance. Our philosophy on life, goals, perception of the world, perception of what life is suppose to be, etc. We met, honestly, because of drugs and alcohol, of which we have quit the former, and use in excess of the latter. I know now after a month or so of staying up late when it is peaceful, and thinking this relationship through, that I am not happy with who I have become, and in no way do I see myself being happy with my life so long as I am still with my wife. I do not love her anymore, and I cannot stand to be around her. The trouble is that we now have a daughter, whom I love with all my heart, and I don't know if raising her in a home in which there is no love or happiness is any better than a separated home. To top it off, my wife has become extremely dependent on me for everything in her life. She cannot do anything without me, and is lazy to the point where I do the vast majority of the household chores. Which, in itself is not a big concern, but she gets pissed when I do them because I am not sitting on the couch watching t.v. next to her. I am not the kind of person who can stare at that thing and be content. I want to do more with my life. I just want to know what people think if my own long-term happiness is worth a divorce. My wife is not happy with her life either, mostly because she does not have one outside of work, our daughter, or myself. I just wonder if maybe we'd both be better off not together anymore.
SBC Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Just one question. Are you setting the kind of example in your relationship with your wife that you would like your daughter to ultimately emulate? 1
tojaz Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I don't see how this is such a Black and White situation. You have acknowledged the things that are not working in your relation ship now. Or is that all there is, you are either sentenced to a life of misery or you divorce? Theres a lot of space in between the two. What have you done to try and fix your marriage? TOJAZ
Author who am i Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 I have tried to be kind and loving, doing everything that needs to be done to help my wife find happiness, and nothing seems to help. I just think that we have grown apart. The things I love and want to do are not the same as my wife's. We can't talk about anything deep because we differ so much and end up in a fight over it. I can't change my viewpoints on life simply to accommodate my wife's, you know? She's a good mother, and I am a good father, but I just don't know if staying in this relationship that has drifted so far apart is good for my child as well. When we are around her we make sure to be civil and cordial, but when she goes to bed my wife and I are done with each other.
tojaz Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I have tried to be kind and loving, doing everything that needs to be done to help my wife find happiness, and nothing seems to help. I just think that we have grown apart. The things I love and want to do are not the same as my wife's. We can't talk about anything deep because we differ so much and end up in a fight over it. I can't change my viewpoints on life simply to accommodate my wife's, you know? She's a good mother, and I am a good father, but I just don't know if staying in this relationship that has drifted so far apart is good for my child as well. When we are around her we make sure to be civil and cordial, but when she goes to bed my wife and I are done with each other. Talked to somebody? Counseling? Read up on the subject? Have you told her what your telling us? TOJAZ
tojaz Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Talked to somebody? Counseling? Read up on the subject? Have you told her what your telling us? TOJAZ Guessing thats a NO.
M30USA Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I have tried to be kind and loving, doing everything that needs to be done to help my wife find happiness, and nothing seems to help. I just think that we have grown apart. The things I love and want to do are not the same as my wife's. We can't talk about anything deep because we differ so much and end up in a fight over it. I can't change my viewpoints on life simply to accommodate my wife's, you know? She's a good mother, and I am a good father, but I just don't know if staying in this relationship that has drifted so far apart is good for my child as well. When we are around her we make sure to be civil and cordial, but when she goes to bed my wife and I are done with each other. That sucks man. Unless someone has experienced this, they have no idea how painful it is.
kady Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 If you have done everything that you can do (counseling?), etc, and it's no better, you need to get out. I keep telling myself this in my head: "I'd rather my kids be FROM a broken home than living IN one." You don't want your daughter growing up thinking this how married life should be. My children are my main reason for going through with my divorce; I can't let them live with this anymore. Good luck to you.
Ahrbee Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Happiness comes from making the choice that you know is right, and not the choice you want--in any situation or whatever the case may be. Do the best you can with what you have, and what you are able to do, and no one can fault you for it. Do what you can, and leave the rest to fate
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