I don't expect to be put above everything but not below either - am i selfish?

[Mr Spock]

I suppose this is what the call "Playing the game"

 

How much simpler things would be if she just said "Hey, *sshole, I feel you've been ignoring me for your new game" and he would say "I'm sorry baby, let's do something tonight"

 

and if he didn't shape up, she would ship him out.

[pretty_petal]

well last night he phoned n i actually did have to go out... so it lasted a minute n he sounded hurt i had to go n stuff. he was like 'i just wanted to see how u were'. i'm really not up 4 pally conversations with him just yet. yes i love him but i can't just not be hurt n get on with him how i always have. so i was very short with him, small insignificant answers n such.

 

He sent me an sms this morning saying 'please talk to me' so i have warmed to him a bit that he has figured i'm ignoring him. but i doubt he figures why. n for some reason i can't let it go how close he is with his ex n that he wants to meet up n they talk about sex n stuff... i really want to let it go but i get that feeling in my stomach whenever it flicks through my mind. so i am still hurt. god i should get over it and stop sulking.

 

he will probably call tonight. i guess i'll have to answer. but i don't feel like being my open cheerful self... n that will bring up questions i can't be bothered to answer. if he asks whats wrong a whole list will be realed off and he'll get upset that hes hurt me so much and i never said anything. he'll also be p*ssed off i'm still unhappy bout his ex. cos he always just says 'shes a close friend of mine' whenever i ask why he talks to her like he does n why he wants to meet up. so i never get anywhere, never find out any answers so i don't stop hurting.

 

i should quit feeling sorry for myself n pretend i'm not annoyed. would solve problems.

 

sorry - bored the pants off y'all.

 

petal.

[faux]

Originally posted by pretty_petal

ok i think u missed the point. i am unhappy at his reactions to me trying to talk with him. The way everything is more important than me.

 

we have very much in common, he is my best friend and we have a wonderful relationship - this is the only problem and in 15 months we have never argued.

 

thank you anyway, i don't intend to play this game, its just not me

 

I think that what is happening here is quite clear:

 

You disapprove of his behavior, yet you have not told him that you disapprove of his behavior, explaining to him exactly how it makes you feel, why you feel that way, and what specific things he says or does make you feel that way. Ergo, he believes that nothing is the matter, and that his behavior is fully acceptable to you.

 

I recommend that you explain to him how you feel, and why you feel that way. Talk to him about what specific things bother you, and what ways the both of you can attempt to change in order to prevent you from getting so upset again in the future.

 

Communication is absolutely important, and none of it is going on. If you see him in person and he is quite sweet, then speak to him about this IN PERSON. He needs to know that you are upset. Most likely, he doesn't even know. People cannot read minds, so do not expect him to realize that he is even doing anything incorrectly.

 

Again, explain to him how you feel and take it from there. Be sure he fully, and without any doubt, understands. Good luck. If you don't take this up with him and be very forward about it, nothing will change. You, nor I, nor ANYONE on this forum knows why he did the things he has done, said the things he has said, and reacted to you in the ways that he has but your boyfriend. GO ASK HIM! And go explain your side of things.

 

Edit:

 

I re-read more of what you posted. The problem here is definitely a lack of communication. You did ASK him about him hanging out with his ex, but you never TOLD HIM how you felt, or that you were upset about ANYTHING.

 

Additionally, pretending that things aren't annoying/bothering you is only going to make things worse. GO TALK TO HIM about everything that you are feeling. I do not understand how you are able to so consistently NOT talk to your boyfriend about your feelings, fears, and insecurities.

 

You not talking is going to ruin the relationship. Take steps to make further communication now before it is too late. "Too late" is quick approaching. Also, I'm friends with some of my exes... It is possible, you know.

[HoldOn]

if he asks whats wrong a whole list will be realed off and he'll get upset that hes hurt me so much and i never said anything. he'll also be p*ssed off i'm still unhappy bout his ex. cos he always just says 'shes a close friend of mine' whenever i ask why he talks to her like he does n why he wants to meet up. so i never get anywhere, never find out any answers so i don't stop hurting.

 

Apparently, she does ask him.

 

In my opinion, this guy was just getting a little scared from being in a long relationship of 15 months. Nagging him about the relationship and yelling at him is going to get her no where.

 

It's not playing a game. She didn't feel like talking to him anyway. It will work.

[pretty_petal]

Yesturday (as i think i put in my previous post) he sent me an sms saying 'please talk to me'. I sent him one saying that i needed some time to think.

 

He said 'about what'. i replied 'us'. he phoned me to talk about whatever was upsetting me. was ironic tho... he was playing he game whilst on the phone to me. Anyhow, we talked (i know it wasn't ideal to do it by phone but i can't see him for a while n i just wanted to get it out of my system). He didn't really say much - as faux said, he hadn't realised he upset me n offened me etc etc.

 

So i got everything off my chest, i didn't accuse him i just plain out told him how i felt. When something was irrational i would say that i realised i was being irrational, but it would help for me to say exactly how i felt. When i was sounding jealous i said that i knew that i shouldn't be jealous but i was.

 

He said we could arrange to meet his ex if it would help (tho i said it probably wouldn't help cos shes probably stunning and funny and cool and just a really down to earth amazing woman... damn her). He actually didn't deny that she was all that... He also said that he will help me with my jealousy and insecurities and try to be reassuring, he doesn't want me to hurt. so he will try to help me.

 

He agrees that he was wrong not quitting his game or film when i phoned and i made it clear that i drop EVERYTHING to speak to him and pretty much expect the same from him.

 

I told him i didn't like him talking to other girls about my personal issues and said i appreciate that he did it for a reason... a good, sweet reason. but in future i would rather he didn't.

 

Anyhow... he was wonderful... hes an amazing listener anyway which helped alot. So everythings ok!! Oh and one sweet thing he said that i find soooo adorable.... When i sent him the message saying 'Us.' he said that he felt sick, the thought of our relationship ending made him wanna hurl!! Awww.

 

So all is good!! he is gonna help me with my issues and he will always try not to do the things that hurt me. I also learnt that communication is so much more important in a relationship than i had realised. I mean, if i had told him straight out as soon as he hurt me... the whole thing wouldn't have come to this.

 

So thanks you loveshack people, especially Holdon!! U made my hard time just that bit easier to handle. Ur advice has been great!! Thankyou!!

 

Petal x