big bear Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 So a couple of days before I was ranting how I deleted her and .... Turns out she sends me a message today, "Hey *...hope u are dng gud...i just saw that u have removed me from ur friend's list....its ok wid me as long as u are ok wid it....bye take care...." What to make of it? 3rd week of NC, stay with it or respond. Love her but am now aware of some of the red flags. Can move on but the prospect of a shared life with her still appeals. Any suggestions?
steveblack Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 She has all the power and that sucks. I dont know your situation, but I would stay in nc. You said it about the flags. She doesn't want you and she knows it. It hurts, but you have clarity on things and closure.
coltsfan1 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Stay with it, she is taking a jab at you! Just shows 3 weeks and she is still worried about what you do. Just ignore the text and keep moving foward.
Author big bear Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 What is pissing me off is that how dare she say "it's ok wid me ....". I was the one who lead to the relationship to break I agree (she dumped me but my fault). I begged and grovelled and when all went to hell I decided to let her be happy. I live with guilt and remorse, but "It's ok wid me...", when did I ask her permission to delete her. Any how plan to ignore it.
day-dreaming Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Is one of the red flags her lack of ability to spell or use proper grammar? 1
Author big bear Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 Is one of the red flags her lack of ability to spell or use proper grammar? No but still :lmao::lmao:
Dblock10 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 that would piss me off! if an ex said its ok with me. i wouldn't reply. but must be very tempting to do so
coltsfan1 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 She is taking jabs at you, she knows how to piss you off. If you keep ignoring her she will get the hint you don't care, and even if you do she will think you don't.
Author big bear Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 Looks like everything is FUBAR now. I give up, time to let fate take it's course. I am not replying. 2
CopingGal Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 You know what you have to do...delete facebook and be done with it!
Chi townD Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 So a couple of days before I was ranting how I deleted her and .... Turns out she sends me a message today, "Hey *...hope u are dng gud...i just saw that u have removed me from ur friend's list....its ok wid me as long as u are ok wid it....bye take care...." What to make of it? 3rd week of NC, stay with it or respond. Love her but am now aware of some of the red flags. Can move on but the prospect of a shared life with her still appeals. Any suggestions? Hard to say. If it was in English, I might be able to weigh in.
Green21 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 You know what you have to do...delete facebook and be done with it! Best bit of advice from this thread, unless you're using facebook heavily for keeping in touch with other friends. Her messaging you is only trying to keep tabs on you or keep you under control and will affect your own self healing. If she wants to engage you to reconcile, or along those lines, she'll do it in a more explicit way than that. Until then, I'd leave well alone, and keeping away from fb is a good start.
Samilia Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I would leave it alone, not answer at all. Either delete facebook or simply block her all together. I can garantee you she will notice it and THAT will be piss her off Silence is golden, after all.
Chi townD Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Dude, she's baiting you. She wants you to respond. to send an angry response so she can do so in kind. And, by the end, the only thing you will have done is ease her guilt. People don't understand how powerful silence is. They don't know where your head is at. Are you angry, sad, indifferent or happy.....you leave them with nothing. And they sit there an stew in their guilt and anger. Your silence will speak volumes. 1
Author big bear Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 @ everyone Thanks for the replies. For now I am not going to reply. I think it was my fault and I tried to bring things back to normal but that did not happen. So, let me see what fate has in store for me. I cannot delete my account as I am in a dead end job (figuratively). I spend my time the entire day whiling time on facebook, youtube and what not. Usually, I report to office by noon and leave when the boss leaves. If I delete the account I will have too much time to think about her, which I do not want. People think I am lucky, that I do not have to work at all (really, I have come to realize there is a difference between having a job and working). It is really more exciting at times to watch paint dry on the walls than just rusting. Anyhow, I shall sit silent. Not replying, noway at all.
Tree_Salmon Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 So a couple of days before I was ranting how I deleted her and .... Turns out she sends me a message today, "Hey *...hope u are dng gud...i just saw that u have removed me from ur friend's list....its ok wid me as long as u are ok wid it....bye take care...." What to make of it? 3rd week of NC, stay with it or respond. Love her but am now aware of some of the red flags. Can move on but the prospect of a shared life with her still appeals. Any suggestions? First, what horrible spelling in that sentence. That would annoy the crap out of me. Second, shes trying to get a rise out of you. That's all it is. Ignore that garbage and move on. She'll be begging to talk about it before long. Trust me, I've been through it time and time again. My honest advice is just leave her be and move on. I would hear the same from other people but dragged my situation out longer than it needed to be. You always end up hurt. One chance per girl per lifetime. I was in 5+ years and it didnt mean crap in the end. Juts pick yourself up and move on. Who cares what immature garbage she wants to play.
AlexanderJames Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Facebooks a dangerous website! It's a bit unorthodox in comparison to what everyone has said about deleting fb and all that but you could try this. I agree that she's taking cheap shots at you and is after an ego boost or just out to bug you. Which is not on. But there's a placid way of getting even which doesnt even involve you doing anything if you feel like it. She's clearly still affected by you or she wouldnt bother getting in touch. I deleted everyone of her friends that had added me through the course of my ex's relationship. But she didnt delete my friends. So she's freinds with people whom I hang out with but I'm not friends with anyone that she hangs out with. I deleted her on Facebook, but switched my profile to public for the time being and left her unblocked. I have no desire to have a look at her page, if its even public I wouldnt know. But should curiosity ever strike her and she were to look at your page she would see all your status updates, all the pictures posted up by your mates that show you having a great time living life. Pics of you with girlies in town. Anything that will pique her jealousy will be right there on display. But you wont be doing anything. It will all happen through her own curiostiy.
CopingGal Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Facebook is not the end all be all. You can take free online classes to fill up your time. You can take free online classes with the American Red Cross. You can take classes to learn a skill. You can teach yourself HTML and create a gigantic website from scratch...something that will help the world. If you have that much free time, there is a ton of stuff you can do on the internet. You can get involved with Soldier's Angels, and help vets. You can be an activist. You can pick a cause and speak out. I'm going to be teaching English in a very, very poor country via an organization that uses Skype. The internet is a WONDERFUL tool to make changes in the world and you can do it without that bleedin' facebook. 1
Author big bear Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 She's clearly still affected by you or she wouldnt bother getting in touch. You know in the early days before I was in the begging phase she used to tell me, " I don't love you but I still care for you." Sometimes, I think she might just come back but then I think how I broke her emotionally and how I was a complete ***hole. I really miss her at times, but then the last thing she said to me in my begging phase, " If you keep on doing this, you will lose all the respect I have for you." Of-course, there were red flags from her side too but then Life (When you realize what people meant to you , it's just too late) NC for someone else to be happy.
Chi townD Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Sometimes, I think she might just come back but then I think how I broke her emotionally and how I was a complete ***hole. Okay, this doesn't help you now, but at least you are man enough to admit this. At least you're man enough to see your faults. Now, you need to fix these things about yourself and apply what you've learned to your next relationship as how NOT to behave while you're seriously dating.
g450 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 (edited) How old is this girl? 12? Seriously, why would you want somebody like this back? And the fix for FB is easy. No need to take it down. Just go to her FB page and click on link on the bottom left that says Report/Block. This will block her. Then do the same thing to your phone and your problems are solved. It's just that easy, drama over. Edited July 11, 2012 by g450
Inky-Dinky Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) May I suggest throwing your computer in the dumpster? If that's too extreme, just delete your facebook account. Be a man. Put your face down there and SNIFF that stench. That will keep you in line and you won't go running back to her. Be a man. Sniff that stench. Then run. Edited July 11, 2012 by Inky-Dinky
Author big bear Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 How old is this girl? 12? Seriously, why would you want somebody like this back? And the fix for FB is easy. No need to take it down. Just go to her FB page and click on link on the bottom left that says Report/Block. This will block her. Then do the same thing to your phone and your problems are solved. It's just that easy, drama over. May I suggest throwing your computer in the dumpster? If that's too extreme, just delete your facebook account. Be a man. Put your face down there and SNIFF that stench. That will keep you in line and you won't go running back to her. Be a man. Sniff that stench. Then run. At some level it's just plain old guilt for not being true, for cheating and just being immature. She cheated too but then I feel like I drove her too it. I am sorry and even though I may not have moved on, for the first time I can see the right direction. Continuing with NC. Even if there may be no hope at the end of the tunnel, there will always be dignity and satisfaction of doing things right. Does anyone feel she is still affected by my actions??
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