rose45 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I met someone from online a few weeks ago..we spoke and texted a week before that as well. I was fine with him signing onto the dating site until recently..we basically have been out 5 times. I already met his father, roommate, cousin. We spent the 4th out together. It seems like things are headed in the right direction and he sees me as a potential girlfriend but I am still cautious of course. I have stayed over there just because of our different schedules and he doesn't live very close. We haven't done anything too physical yet. I take sex seriously and I don't want to get attached too quickly and then get hurt. The thing is he didn't sign on the site for a few days which is a good thing but i think it had more to do with him being busy. He signed on earlier this morning. It just makes me feel bad even though it's still early with us dating. But I also know the physical stuff is going to get in the way eventually. I basically just told him last time it's too soon and didn't give any other reason. It is too soon but it's not the whole truth. Should I tell him I really don't feel comfortable going further since we both have our online dating profiles up? I don't want to get hurt seeing us sign online after having done something like that. I didn't want to ask to be exclusive so early on or scare him off but I feel like he should know that I really don't want to sleep with him when he is still wanting to check his mail etc... What should I do?
carhill Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Do you have to have a dating profile to sign in and view his activity? If so, that might be a potential method of approaching the exclusivity issue. Regardless, it's reasonable to presume exclusivity after such has been discussed and agreed upon, not before. Example communication: 'I really can't imagine dating anyone else right now so I removed my dating profile. How do you feel?'
Eddie Edirol Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 He CANT read your mind. He CANT know that you dont want to sleep with him because you think he is shopping around. Also, you havent cancelled your profile yet either, so why should he cancel his profile if you havent? Lead by example. And talk to him about it. Plus, youve only been out four times, its too soon for anything, sex or exclusivity. If you want to know if he is still shopping around, just see if his actions and words match up. Theres no reason for him to stop shopping if he thinks you still are. Even if you say youre not, if your profile is still up he could think you are lying. 1
Author rose45 Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 his actions are nice to me etc and no he can't read my mind. So should I put it out there that I really feel I wouldn't be able to take things further if we BOTH still have our dating profiles up. And just put it out there. I don't want to scare him off but if I keep saying no to anything physical it may make him think I am not interested either.. I am not trying to blame him etc..but I know for me personally I am not really interested in dating others since I am never the type to multi date
darkmoon Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 just talk to the guy; just mention it, no need to say alot, nothing then to be a big deal, you want to set your mind at rest
YellowShark Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 just talk to the guy; just mention it, no need to say alot, nothing then to be a big deal, you want to set your mind at rest Exactly. Communicate with him. Not us. Ask him if you are exclusive, and if you are, then let him know you feel uncomfortable that he is still active on the dating site. His actions to that will let you know if he is a "keeper."
malibustacydoll Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I just had this conversation with a guy I have been seeing-- so, do learn from my mistakes! I have been seeing him longer than you have and have also avoided bringing sex into the equation (and this is one of the reasons why-- not knowing where things stand). I highly suggest you ask in person and don't do it in an attacking way.. don't come out and say "why's your dating profile up?". If I were you, I'd maybe give it another week or so or maybe a few more dates. If it continues to go well I would broach the topic by saying something to him like... "I was thinking of taking down my dating profile. I am glad I found you on _____ site and would like to focus my attention to seeing if this is going anywhere. However, I first wanted to make sure we're on the same page before I do that" 1
monkey00 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 (edited) Things can start to get a little more uncertain/complicated after the 4th date. I've been on 4 dates with this girl recently from OLD, and I noticed she had taken down her profile the other day. Whether she was sick of guys message bombing her every day or did it for me, I don't know. I actually took it down also. Also on the 4th one, things got a little physical. Thinking back it seems like it would have been a bit appropriate to communicate what was on our minds. But neither of us did, and I think we both wanted to. I plan on talking about it the on the 5th date if I see her again. OP, you have to talk to him about it. Communication can take you to the next level of a relationship. If not it can lay stagnant and not progress. I think the uncertainty of a relationship status is more frightening than knowing where both of you stand, and where it can lead. Edited July 8, 2012 by monkey00
phineas Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 his actions are nice to me etc and no he can't read my mind. So should I put it out there that I really feel I wouldn't be able to take things further if we BOTH still have our dating profiles up. And just put it out there. I don't want to scare him off but if I keep saying no to anything physical it may make him think I am not interested either.. I am not trying to blame him etc..but I know for me personally I am not really interested in dating others since I am never the type to multi date If you "scare him off" then he just wasn't into you all that much. Maybe he's checking to see if you sign in? Maybe he is wondering if your still trying to meet people? you gotta talk to him. also after 4th or 5th date I usually know if I want to date someone exclusively. But sex needs to happen for me to determine compatibility in that area. If a woman is shutting me down & not telling me why I assume she isn't into me & just bail. So you need to speak up & tell him why it isn't happening. 1
Author rose45 Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 Well this is interesting. I decided to text him and joke around saying something like are you headed back to the site to find someone else etc etc lol he responded back basically saying no, are you? I am able to see when someone was on the site last..so he pretty much just lied unless there is some flare up with the internet site but i doubt it...
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Well this is interesting. I decided to text him and joke around saying something like are you headed back to the site to find someone else etc etc lol he responded back basically saying no, are you? I am able to see when someone was on the site last..so he pretty much just lied unless there is some flare up with the internet site but i doubt it... Communicate with him about this like an adult, straight and clear...no beating around the bush or joking around. I don't blame him necessarily for keeping his profile up or even looking at it, It's only been the 4th or 5th date, do you really think he should put all his eggs in one basket and delete it just for you? However, the fact that he's checking it may represent that he either looking or just curious or responding to messages, maybe he's not even doing anything when he goes on, just checking it. The only way to gauge his true interest is to talk to him about this, but being the the communication level is so poor by the 4th or 5th date indicates to me that he's likely not very interested...I mean what the hell are you guys talking about? what's your favorite food and color? isn't it time to get into a little more personal questions you think? and maybe communicate a little more of what each other is looking for and feels? It's crazy how easily women let men off the hook and then they wonder why they get burned, because they're too chicken or scared he's going to run off...IF he runs off he wasn't interested, that's the way it is..do you think a guy who goes out with you and is crazy about you just going to simply run away because you bring up something serious? what are you trying to do sneak a relationship in? good luck with that, attempted 103249080990759089387535453 times by women, success rate 1/4 if that of he time, congratulations you somehow forced/convinced/manipulated a man into being with you...must be proud of yourself having to seduce men into being with you through female trickery. Think of dating like a boxing match..."protect yourself at all times"or before you know it you're just knocked out of the match.
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