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So she's been going out a lot.. and she's not really putting my concerns at ease.

PropertyChaser

By PropertyChaser
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PropertyChaser Member

PropertyChaser

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Hello everyone,

 

The last few months I've been seeing this really great girl, things, for the most part, have been absolutely great. The last few weeks shs'e been going out and partying a fair amount, it's her summer, I have work, the reality is that I can't go out all the time, and even if I could, I wouldn't.

 

While we haven't really given each other titles, we're definitely more than friends, she sleeps over 2-3 times a week, but we're not officially in a relationship. This has led to a small problem. The last few weeks she's been a little bit dodgy, she's been working a ton (which I know she is) and her best friend has been going through a rough time so they have been going out a lot. The last couple of times they've both fallen off the grid, and been doing some strange things the last week or two. I explained to her falling off the map, kind of makes me concerned. This girl is a stunning blonde who, I have no doubt could more or less get any guy she wanted. Up until last week I felt that I could trust her implicitly, the last week or so she has given me some reasons to question that, culminating with her disappearing for about an hour last night while we were out. It's raised some red flags.

 

The reality is for the rest of our relationship going forward, I'm going to be home/working while she's going out, and I guess I just don't feel very secure about what's going on and I'm not sure how to handle it. While I'm not much of a titles kind of person, being her boyfriend, at least in title, would give me some confidence and vocal commitment from her, which would certainly make me feel better about her commitment to the whole thing. Otherwise I'm afraid, given the circumstances, I'll continue to get more and more paranoid.

 

I guess what I'm saying is, I don't really care if she goes out, I don't even need the title of boyfriend, I would like some sort of affirmation that while she's out she isn't doing anything underhanded, and some of the stuff she's been doing (which is largely the influence of her friend, who is a very bad influence) has really added fuel to the fire. It would nice to see some sort of acknowledgement from her about that. I suppose asking her for a slightly more vocal commitment is my way of finding out if she's just going to play the field this summer, in which case, I want nothing to do with it.

 

The challenge with this situation is bringing it up without coming off as jealous and insecure, but letting her know that the quasi-purgatory state of our relationship is really weighing on me. It's freaking hard. I consider myself to be a fairly secure guy, I'm pretty attractive, reasonably successful and smart, but after a while even this starts to wear on me.

 

I guess I'm just looking for some verbal acknowledgement of my concerns by her and I don't really know how to approach her about it. If she is going to in fact be playing the field, I would prefer to know as I have better places to put my energy than being on edge every night worrying about what she's doing out there, and being concerned about hovering her over shoulder, to me that's not the kind of situation I ever want to be in.

Edited by PropertyChaser
orangedreams Member

orangedreams

Posted
Posted

The fact that you two haven't agreed to be exclusive is a big flag. If you like her like you say, ASK her to be your girlfriend. One scenario could be, in her mind, well if I do all these crazy things he's going to realize how free I am and maybe he'll step it UP.. I say ask her to be your girlfriend in a really romantic way..if she says no, you're going to be strung a long for as long as you allow.

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PropertyChaser Member

PropertyChaser

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The fact that you two haven't agreed to be exclusive is a big flag. If you like her like you say, ASK her to be your girlfriend. One scenario could be, in her mind, well if I do all these crazy things he's going to realize how free I am and maybe he'll step it UP.. I say ask her to be your girlfriend in a really romantic way..if she says no, you're going to be strung a long for as long as you allow.

 

Well that's the thing - up until a week ago everything in her actions conveyed a sense of commitment. Dropping 300 bucks on surprise tickets to my favourite DJ means way more to me than any stupid title.

 

Things have changed in the last week or so to the point where I think I have reason to worry.

 

Your right I need to tackle this.

orangedreams Member

orangedreams

Posted
Posted
Well that's the thing - up until a week ago everything in her actions conveyed a sense of commitment. Dropping 300 bucks on surprise tickets to my favourite DJ means way more to me than any stupid title.

 

Things have changed in the last week or so to the point where I think I have reason to worry.

 

Your right I need to tackle this.

 

Please do! It's obvious she cares about you. Just step it up! Good luck :)

ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

Posted
Posted (edited)

The fact that she bought you these expensive tickets for your favourite DJ is a pretty good sign that she sees you as more then a casual root imo. At the same time if your friend (FWB) a stunning blond is out on the town, for sure she is going to be hit on like stink by numerous guys and the more persistent are not going to just wander off when she tells them she is currently seeing someone. Throw the fact that her friend is a bad influence, and is going through tough time and could easily seek to cheer herself up by getting drunk and ego boosting through ****ing hot guys. Your blond girl could very easily get roped into situations where her friend wants her to accompany her and some guy (she has the hots for) & his mate back to their place. Once there its badda bing, badda boom.

 

You said you don't have titles and are not officially in a relationship.....well there are a lot of people in a scenario such as this who are going to consider there is no moral hazard to having sex with others if the opportunity was to arise. In all likelyhood she has strong feelings for you and not have any intention to 'play the field this summer', but while she is not in a committed relationship and her bad influence single friend is dragging her out on the town...though she might not be seeking it, she might easily take on any hotty that buys her cocktails and runs his game on her and see nothing immoral in it.

 

Its up to you and what you view as the greater risk..don't want to be seen as jealous OR have your stunning blond friend who you have not claimed as your gf out partying and considering herself still a free agent. If you want a committed relationship with her, ask her to be your gf. Even if you are wary of titles you can still have a 'I'm exclusively only seeing you, is it the same for you' talk, so you know where you stand a bit more.

Edited by ascendotum
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PropertyChaser Member

PropertyChaser

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
The fact that she bought you these expensive tickets for your favourite DJ is a pretty good sign that she sees you as more then a casual root imo. At the same time if your friend (FWB) a stunning blond is out on the town, for sure she is going to be hit on like stink by numerous guys and the more persistent are not going to just wander off when she tells them she is currently seeing someone. Throw the fact that her friend is a bad influence, and is going through tough time and could easily seek to cheer herself up by getting drunk and ego boosting through ****ing hot guys. Your blond girl could very easily get roped into situations where her friend wants her to accompany her and some guy (she has the hots for) & his mate back to their place. Once there its badda bing, badda boom.

 

You said you don't have titles and are not officially in a relationship.....well there are a lot of people in a scenario such as this who are going to consider there is no moral hazard to having sex with others if the opportunity was to arise. In all likelyhood she has strong feelings for you and not have any intention to 'play the field this summer', but while she is not in a committed relationship and her bad influence single friend is dragging her out on the town...though she might not be seeking it, she might easily take on any hotty that buys her cocktails and runs his game on her and see nothing immoral in it.

 

Its up to you and what you view as the greater risk..don't want to be seen as jealous OR have your stunning blond friend who you have not claimed as your gf out partying and considering herself still a free agent. If you want a committed relationship with her, ask her to be your gf. Even if you are wary of titles you can still have a 'I'm exclusively only seeing you, is it the same for you' talk, so you know where you stand a bit more.

 

I think this is a rough outline of what I'm going to say to her:

 

From the Avicii tickets to picking me up from the airport or spending several nights a week at my place it's pretty clear you like me a lot, likewise, I've come to realize I like you a lot too.

 

I know that both you and your friend enjoy going out a lot, and there's going to be a lot of nights where you guys will want a girls night out, or I won't be able to make it. The reality is that you're stunningly beautiful, could have any guy that you want, and you get a ton of attention when you go out. It's hard knowing you're going out several nights a week not knowing where we stand, throw in some of the dodgy stuff which has happened the last week or two, and I've become a little bit unsure of what's going on. I hope that you can understand that when I'm sitting at home at my desk or at school while you guys are out partying and meeting new people (read: guys) while I'm not sure what's going on might make me feel a little bit anxious.

 

You're a really sweet girl and I care about you a lot, I really enjoy spending time with you, whether it be going out for pho, lying in bed or going out. But I've been in this position before and sometimes it really hasn't worked out very well. I'm not asking you for a serious commitment or a relationship, but it would be nice to know what's going on because I don't want to be in a position where I might get blindsided. If what you want is to play the field, then by all means, but I would prefer to know.

Edited by PropertyChaser
g450 Established Member

g450

Posted
Posted
we haven't really given each other titles, we're definitely more than friends, she sleeps over 2-3 times a week, but we're not officially in a relationship.

 

^^^^^^

THIS!

 

You answered your own question. Only had to read the first few sentences of your posting to see what is going on. You are FBs. You are not in a serious relationship but you seem to think you are and she doesnt know this.

 

Am I close?

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