Adamgem Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I posted on here about three/four months ago. I had gotten pregnant by my married boss and aged 39 it was a very difficult decision to terminate the pregnancy. Four months on we are living together. We work together so we spend almost all our time together. He tells me it is over between him and his partner and I believed him as there was very little contact and when there as contact it was not pleasant. He had told me things would be more open when his partner got over some problem she was having. That was last month and since then things are not more open but they have become much more friendly. The last phone conversation I heard sounded very affectionate compared to previous ones. He had gone back for two days to see the children and I got the strong feeling that they slept together. He says he is not attracted to her anymore but does not want to hurt her as he want to get his properties back... they are in her name. When I realised that it would always be like this I got angry and said I am not willing to put up with this anymore. He accused me of trying to make him leave his family. I told him if he did not look after his family I would not respect him. I have an issue with his partner thinking they are still together. I feel he is telling me lies and playing both of us. I did not have this feeling before. I have met all his family and friends and I know she has been asking about me. He denied everything. He said that last week he had a long talk with her and that he told her he had feelings for me. Aparently she said.. anybody but not me. At first he did not believe that I was serious about ending everything as we get on so well. Now that I have ended it. I must find somewhere to live and a new job as well as deal with the emotional loss. I have a strong tight feeling on my chest. I can't believe I was such an idiot. I thought I was less attached. We have spent the last ten days fighting about what is real. What he said before and so on. I know I have made the right decision but he tells me I will regret it.
Artie Lang Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 he lied to her. what makes you think he won't/hasn't been lying to you too?
Author Adamgem Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 Exactly what I think. Obvious really. It makes me see how vulnerable I was/am when I would think anything else.
Mount Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 How long have you been involved with him? HOw older is he than you? Why you decided to terminate the child if I may ask? Have you guys talked about the future -Where is the relationship going....etc? I posted on here about three/four months ago. I had gotten pregnant by my married boss and aged 39 it was a very difficult decision to terminate the pregnancy. Four months on we are living together. We work together so we spend almost all our time together. He tells me it is over between him and his partner and I believed him as there was very little contact and when there as contact it was not pleasant. He had told me things would be more open when his partner got over some problem she was having. That was last month and since then things are not more open but they have become much more friendly. The last phone conversation I heard sounded very affectionate compared to previous ones. He had gone back for two days to see the children and I got the strong feeling that they slept together. He says he is not attracted to her anymore but does not want to hurt her as he want to get his properties back... they are in her name. When I realised that it would always be like this I got angry and said I am not willing to put up with this anymore. He accused me of trying to make him leave his family. I told him if he did not look after his family I would not respect him. I have an issue with his partner thinking they are still together. I feel he is telling me lies and playing both of us. I did not have this feeling before. I have met all his family and friends and I know she has been asking about me. He denied everything. He said that last week he had a long talk with her and that he told her he had feelings for me. Aparently she said.. anybody but not me. At first he did not believe that I was serious about ending everything as we get on so well. Now that I have ended it. I must find somewhere to live and a new job as well as deal with the emotional loss. I have a strong tight feeling on my chest. I can't believe I was such an idiot. I thought I was less attached. We have spent the last ten days fighting about what is real. What he said before and so on. I know I have made the right decision but he tells me I will regret it.
whichwayisup Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I have an issue with his partner thinking they are still together. I'm betting that he is making her believe they are still together. Listen to your gut. It's telling you something.
Author Adamgem Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 I am becoming more and more comfortable with the decision to end it. Unless I am certain that they are really over I am not interesed. I don't think badly enough of myself to allow that kind of situation to continue. I have no proof but I have spent enough time with him to know he is able to do something like that. He keeps saying he doesn't understand why I am doing this. Why am I spoiling something so wonderful? I explain ten times over and he keeps telling 'it is not like that' 'I don't see why I should hurt her'. 'You just don't want me to be with my family'... 'I am not sleeping with her'... and so on. Do I need to explain why it is over? Can I just not say I am not into it anymore and that is it? He has been very good to me but I just do not believe him - I can not trust a man like that.
Mount Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 For $%^ sake, he is NOT GOOD to you, you are NOT GOOD to yourself either. Define "good" pls. You are 39 years old...not much time, you have been hurt enough, physically (health-wise), and been brainwashed by him enough. Let him go, and set yourself free. I am alone in foreign country as well, no family and friends handy, but I love myself TOO MUCH. You have to save yourself first. I am becoming more and more comfortable with the decision to end it. Unless I am certain that they are really over I am not interesed. I don't think badly enough of myself to allow that kind of situation to continue. I have no proof but I have spent enough time with him to know he is able to do something like that. He keeps saying he doesn't understand why I am doing this. Why am I spoiling something so wonderful? I explain ten times over and he keeps telling 'it is not like that' 'I don't see why I should hurt her'. 'You just don't want me to be with my family'... 'I am not sleeping with her'... and so on. Do I need to explain why it is over? Can I just not say I am not into it anymore and that is it? He has been very good to me but I just do not believe him - I can not trust a man like that. 2
nofool4u Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I feel he is telling me lies and playing both of us. But that was of no consequence to you as opposed to when he was only lying and playing his wife. So now that it is also YOU that is being lied to and played is it a major issue. So what is the "Now its time to pay" part?
Mount Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Exactly..... He is too toxic for you. Maybe we can not get love, but we still should prepare for a comfortable retirement, don't we:D:D? (I am at very late 30's) Many contradictions in your above post. The last two things you said, " I just do not believe him - I can not trust a man like that." That is your answer, simple as it is. Stop the drama and just end it. The longer YOU allow it to go on, the more screwed up you will become.
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