jms_nov28 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 (edited) Back in the summer of 2010, I broke up with a girl that I had been with for nearly 4 years. She was my first big love, this girl was the girl I pictured myself with for the rest of my life. Certain issues happened and we broke up in Aug/10. She moved to another state, and started a new relationship with a guy who used to have a crush on her throughout her high school years. This was 1 month after our break up. (I called it a rebound, she didn't though). Went NC from Aug-Nov (to wish her happy birthday since my birthday falls on the same day), however the last contact we had was March/11. Fast forward to now, July/12 I have been with three women since then and one serious relationship. Sure often times throughout the 2 year gap I thought about her, and couldn't quite find someone who could reach to the pedestal I had placed her. Well, I spoke to her yesterday solely on the merit of financial things I had to clear up that involved her name (which is all cleared now). Mind you, we live 3 states apart, so we spoke on the phone, it was nice hearing her voice and I became nervous. However after a good 2hr chat, she's still with her *rebound boyfriend and said she is extremely happy. I absolutely hold no ill feelings toward her, or her current relationship. However, I constantly couldn't stop but realize how it wasn't her I was still in love with, but her former say, the shadow or better yet only a memory that I had of her. It made me feel great, the new her was sort of vain (perhaps pride?) but overall, we had a civil chat, humor, and plenty of catching up. I always felt that I needed to fill in my "gap" as in a hole in my heart, or just the void of not having "her"? After this phone call, I couldn't help but feel this void to be relinquished. I felt joyful, suppose because my life has taken a better turn? Perhaps because I realized I was only holding onto a memory? Nevertheless this void/gap as I call it has absolutely disappeared. I thought I had always received closure, mentally I suppose. However, with this phone call I feel the closure I needed like, a closure I cannot explain that has taken all my memories away, and no longer hold onto that thought. I feel like I can finally move on, I mean I thought I had moved on but as I said, this feels like a higher level of closure. I love this feeling, I feel like I have no ties anymore, no connection, that little bit I had that still hold on to the past for its dearest life has been eradicated. Just wanted to say, It feels amazing! I feel like I no longer "owe" anyone or anything, if that makes any sense? As if, I no longer hold my self at fault, or no longer hold anyone at fault. Whatever this is that happened to me, I feel so thankful that it did! Edited July 8, 2012 by jms_nov28
Follower Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Can i just say im very happy for you! You lucky lucky person now go enjoy life!
Recommended Posts