Betty101 Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 I have a bit of a difficult situation because of my boyfriend. I have been with him for 2 years now, we live together, and he has been the best relationship I have ever had. He's 9 years older than me (I'm 26 and he's 35). He's been married once before at a young age, and doesn't beleive in marriage anymore. He also doesn't want kids. Both of these are important to me, more so having children than marriage, unfortunately for him. Neither of us are financially stable enough for kids at the moment due to schooling, and I feel I don't want them until my early 30's which would make him in his early 40's at that time. By then, our careers will be well on their way, so money won't be an issue. When we spoke of kids before, his reasons for not wanting them were due to money, which in my mind could be worked out eventually. Now he doesn't want them at all because he feels it's too late for him and really has no desire for them. My dilemma is, do I keep a man in my life that I'm completely in love with and happy to have with me, that doesn't want the same future as me? Or do I throw away a good life, not knowing if I'll ever find this kind of love again for a child that doesn't exist yet?
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 Do you feel you have to make a choice right now? I understand your desire to marry and have children some day. But you don't know if you'll be feeling the same way several years down the road when you've finished your schooling and become busy with your career. Perhaps during the next couple of years (or even months) you might also discover that this man isn't as wonderful as he seems to be now. Then again, if he *IS*, you may never find anyone else who makes you feel as happy. Or do I throw away a good life, not knowing if I'll ever find this kind of love again for a child that doesn't exist yet? So true! If you leave an otherwise good relationship to seek a man willing to father your children, you could end up with a child and a wedding ring, but a real creep for a husband. You might end up filled with regret, never be able to forget the wonderful man you left behind. And sometimes, there's no going back. Especially with someone else's child in tow. You have to decide which is more important to you at this point in your life…a happy stable relationship with a great guy, or freeing yourself up so that you can prepare the groundwork for becoming a wife and mother to someone you haven't even met yet. It's a difficult choice, but not a gamble that you necessarily have take to NOW. I'd give it a little more time and let the current relationship run its course to see where it might go. After all, sometimes a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush. Then again, only Betty knows what's best for Betty. Good luck with whatever you decide!
HokeyReligions Posted July 7, 2004 Posted July 7, 2004 Two people driving down a lonly road. The car runs out of gas. He says "We passed a gas station about an hour ago" She says "That will take hours to walk back, lets go ahead" He says "I KNOW the gas station is back there so I know where I'm headed" She says "Okay" He gets out of the car and starts walking back the way they came. She watches until he is out of sight, and thinks to herself 'should I have walked with him down a road I do not wish to travel, just because I'm afraid of staying here alone?' She waits for another 10 minutes or so, then gets out of the car. She looks back, then turns and takes one hesitant step forward - they way the car is headed. She walks for 10 minutes and around the corner is a gas station and a town. Your story reminded me of this. And of part of a Robert Frost poem: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.
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