Just need hope

[whoknows11]

Hello everyone. Im in a tough spot and im going to try and write as less as i can. To start off, my gf left me at the end of may. She needed a break from relationships, and just time for herself to grow and find herself. Shes been in relationships alot since 14. Back and forth. Shes young. 18 now. Shes also busy with school and work everyday. She sees her friends but she doesnt have any really. Only her two best friends. Its been up and down with us lately.

 

Between arguing at times. Or me just being fustraed getting one word responses and what not. She gets scared/worried alot that theres someone else and that im doing something with another girl. I told her i havent many times. And promised her. Cause i just wanna wait for her. She hasnt flirted, hungout with guys or done anything with one. Even promised she wouldnt. Idk to believe that cause i get worried still. She still has pictures up of us and letters/drawings from me on her wall. Also wears the promise ring still. We only text though. Havent seen eachother or talked on phone.

 

 

Recently, we got into an argument. She claimed i was treating her like **** afterward and she was really pissed off at me. So i offered to give her space. Thing is, i keep messing up and breaking nc. It just isnt easy. I dont wanna push her away and annoy her though. So i need to keep it up with nc unless she does. But it was always me who initated contact when we talk. Shed only text me first when i stopped responding for a while. But idk if ill hear from her and i just need to stop contacting her and give her space. It seems so damn hard. Any advice/help?

[whoknows11]

If i can get responses itd be very helpful. I appreciate it. I just need as much advice/opinions as i can.

[Philosoraptor]

You can either be patient or leave and find someone who is ready for the same kind of commitment you're ready for. She's still a kid and likely to be like this for awhile.

[whoknows11]

You can either be patient or leave and find someone who is ready for the same kind of commitment you're ready for. She's still a kid and likely to be like this for awhile.

 

Youre right philosoraptor. Ive been patient the whole time. I am now especially with giving her space. Just worried im gonna break NC again and initiate it first. I dont want to. Cause i dont wanna ruin anything else more. Ive been seeing my friends and trying to keep my mind off of her, but its been hard. Just keep looking at my phone hoping she d text me. Its only been a couple days but seems hard. (sounds pathetic) but still.

[Philosoraptor]

It's not pathetic. You care and you have hope still. Everyone has done the same thing.

[whoknows11]

It's not pathetic. You care and you have hope still. Everyone has done the same thing.

 

I do, i have alot of hope. I really do care about her and miss her. I regret everything i did after the breakup. Flip on her at times, argue, constantly worry if shes doing something with someone else. She promised she hasnt and wont but i have a hard time beliving that. Its like im the immature one. I just wish i could fix it. I thought i did cause we were doing fine lately. She was talking more and even texted me if i didnt respond after a while. Until the little argument and i decided to give her space. I broke it twice within the first two days. But i went back and am doing my best now to not contact her. Its been only about 3 days. I figured i wouldve heard from her by now. But nothing. I feel ive ruined any chance for good this time.

[KatZee]

It's OK to have hope but don't bank on it and don't live your life by it. You truly need to move on and get on with life as if she's never coming back.

 

My ex pulled the "I need to find myself, I have no idea who I am, I need to be single b/c I've been in a relationship since my teen years" schtick and it was a complete lie.

 

Sure, there are SOME people that go through this and need time alone, but you state there were many ups / downs, frequent fights, you flipping on her... my opinion is that she just wants out, and her not being in touch should be a clue that she doesn't want you in her life, at least right now.

 

My ex also said he didn't want to lose me or my friendship, that I was his best friend, blah blah blah, and the second we broke up I never heard from him again. Actions speak MUCH louder than words.

 

NC is hard in the beginning but you really need to stop contacting her because from a girls perspective, you're pushing her so far away. My ex from a few years ago pulled what you're pulling and he just refused to stop contacting me, begging, pleading, asking for another chance... it became pathetic. It wasn't attractive and I actually had to get nasty to tell him to leave me alone. Needless to say, he lost all chance of getting me back, and any chance of a friendship.

 

Focus on yourself and your own life. Delete everything about her in your phone, computer, email, etc.

[whoknows11]

It's OK to have hope but don't bank on it and don't live your life by it. You truly need to move on and get on with life as if she's never coming back.

 

My ex pulled the "I need to find myself, I have no idea who I am, I need to be single b/c I've been in a relationship since my teen years" schtick and it was a complete lie.

 

Sure, there are SOME people that go through this and need time alone, but you state there were many ups / downs, frequent fights, you flipping on her... my opinion is that she just wants out, and her not being in touch should be a clue that she doesn't want you in her life, at least right now.

 

My ex also said he didn't want to lose me or my friendship, that I was his best friend, blah blah blah, and the second we broke up I never heard from him again. Actions speak MUCH louder than words.

 

NC is hard in the beginning but you really need to stop contacting her because from a girls perspective, you're pushing her so far away. My ex from a few years ago pulled what you're pulling and he just refused to stop contacting me, begging, pleading, asking for another chance... it became pathetic. It wasn't attractive and I actually had to get nasty to tell him to leave me alone. Needless to say, he lost all chance of getting me back, and any chance of a friendship.

 

Focus on yourself and your own life. Delete everything about her in your phone, computer, email, etc.

 

Yeah youre right. I feel ive messed up enough after the breakup. Ive been growing from it and changing my ways, but i believe its too late. Even though im the one who offered to give her space and is leaving her alone even though its only been a couple of days, i dont see it happening. As in her contacting me. It really hurts but i have to learn to come to grips with it.

[Chi townD]

I always hated the "I need to find myself" line. It's a bunch of crap! Look, in the mirror. What do you see? OH LOOK!!! You found yourself!!!

 

 

Here's the deal. Start moving on. You're putting your life on hold for someone that probably isn't coming back. You have to live your life that way. Go complete NC on her. If she texts, ignore it; if she e-mails, ignore it. If she phones, let it go to voicemail. Then post here rather than contact her.

 

Time to heal and move on. If she wants to find herself, fine. But, you're moving on.

[whoknows11]

I always hated the "I need to find myself" line. It's a bunch of crap! Look, in the mirror. What do you see? OH LOOK!!! You found yourself!!!

 

 

Here's the deal. Start moving on. You're putting your life on hold for someone that probably isn't coming back. You have to live your life that way. Go complete NC on her. If she texts, ignore it; if she e-mails, ignore it. If she phones, let it go to voicemail. Then post here rather than contact her.

 

Time to heal and move on. If she wants to find herself, fine. But, you're moving on.

 

Youre right, that line gets old. Finding yourself. Ive seen it so many times on here also. I doubt she ll even contact me at all. I could gurantee it. So i dont need to worry about what to do if it happened. Its just been really hard to deal with. Especialy that i broke contact a couple times lately. I was at square one now. Its been a couple days but still seems hard.

[Chi townD]

Youre right, that line gets old. Finding yourself. Ive seen it so many times on here also. I doubt she ll even contact me at all. I could gurantee it. So i dont need to worry about what to do if it happened. Its just been really hard to deal with. Especialy that i broke contact a couple times lately. I was at square one now. Its been a couple days but still seems hard.

 

YES YOU DO!!! You were in a relationship with her, so anytime she contacted you, you responded as easily as breathing. But, now if she contacts you, it will seem unnatural NOT to respond. It would be NO DIFFERENT than a junkie trying to get clean and someone sets some herion down in front of him and expecting him not to take it. THAT'S WHAT THIS PLACE IS FOR!!!! People will be here to talk you through those tough times. People will be here even if you want to vent your anger. Just remember, even though we're strangers to you, we are definately in your corner.

[whoknows11]

YES YOU DO!!! You were in a relationship with her, so anytime she contacted you, you responded as easily as breathing. But, now if she contacts you, it will seem unnatural NOT to respond. It would be NO DIFFERENT than a junkie trying to get clean and someone sets some herion down in front of him and expecting him not to take it. THAT'S WHAT THIS PLACE IS FOR!!!! People will be here to talk you through those tough times. People will be here even if you want to vent your anger. Just remember, even though we're strangers to you, we are definately in your corner.

 

Your right, and i appreciate everyones input. It helps alot. But i just dont see it happening. It was always me who initiated contact. I offered to give her space. she isnt going to contact me. She only did a couple times (initiated) when she saw something on my fb, like a page i liked or that my picture changed. But we arent friends on there. Or shed text me when i stopped responding for a while when things were fine. Assuming/worried i was out with other girls,or that im doing something with another girl. But since saturday when we stopped talking and i gave her space, i havent heard from her at all.

[AlexanderJames]

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time Whoknows

 

You know whats often the best advice? Your own. You've helped me loads of times on here with terrific advice and accurate inputs! I'm sure you have it in you to work through this you just have to keep reassuring yourself you can. Live for you and celebrate lifes little victories. So you go a day without hearing from her and it plays on the mind? How about celebrate the fact you didnt contact her either! Focus on your strengths not her weaknesses. I know its hard trust me, My ex messaged me some 15 hours ago and I didnt reply to it yet IM feeling like crap because she hasnt messaged me AGAIN. The NC game is brutal on all fronts mate, no matter what you're using it for. Just be strong.

 

Sounds like she isnt interested in anything with you right now. For whatever reason and for however long , be it a week, a month or indefiniely it doesnt matter to you. Until she gets in contact with you and tells you how it is it isnt worth worrying about.

You have obviously told her how you feel, and shown her. She knows where you stand and what you want. Telling her over and over is only going to pester her. You've done all you can for now. Be patient with yourself and stay on track.

[whoknows11]

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time Whoknows

 

You know whats often the best advice? Your own. You've helped me loads of times on here with terrific advice and accurate inputs! I'm sure you have it in you to work through this you just have to keep reassuring yourself you can. Live for you and celebrate lifes little victories. So you go a day without hearing from her and it plays on the mind? How about celebrate the fact you didnt contact her either! Focus on your strengths not her weaknesses. I know its hard trust me, My ex messaged me some 15 hours ago and I didnt reply to it yet IM feeling like crap because she hasnt messaged me AGAIN. The NC game is brutal on all fronts mate, no matter what you're using it for. Just be strong.

 

Sounds like she isnt interested in anything with you right now. For whatever reason and for however long , be it a week, a month or indefiniely it doesnt matter to you. Until she gets in contact with you and tells you how it is it isnt worth worrying about.

You have obviously told her how you feel, and shown her. She knows where you stand and what you want. Telling her over and over is only going to pester her. You've done all you can for now. Be patient with yourself and stay on track.

 

I try to help people the best i can. I appreciate you guys doing the same. I didnt think anyone would respond to me. But ive been trying my best. Just seeing friends and finding things to do to take my mind off of her. But it hasnt been easy. I know she isnt going to text me. Yet i keep hoping my phone goes off and its her. But lve been let down each night the past couple days. Its killing me already. Cause i just wish she cared enough to contact me. Cause i just wanna make things right. Ive just been lost. Im not looking to pour my heart out to her. Just wanna talk about the argument and apologize. And just take things a day at a time. Im not gonna get the chance for that. It hurts but i have no choice but to leave her alone. I did enough. Breaking contact again would push her away more for good. Possibly into someones arms if it hasnt already. Its all ive been thinking of.

[JesseMartin]

Hey man, I feel you, I really do. I was in a similar situation once.

 

The mistake you're making is you're holding on.

 

Well what if she changes her mind, you might ask?

 

She broke up with you for a reason. Not the reason she's telling you. Her body and brain, on a very primal level, gave her signals that she should break things off with you. She rationalized this by saying "I need space", "I need to be single" or whatever excuse that has been used a gazillion times in human existence.

 

The fact of the matter is, it's based on a FEELING.

 

YOU my friend are triggering that feeling.

 

Thus, you have two options.

 

1.) Let go

2.) Change YOU

 

Letting go means no contact, focusing on YOU again, setting goals and achieving them and kicking ass at life.

 

But guess what?

 

Changing YOU involves the same things. The best thing you can do to potentially change these feelings she has towards you now, is to fundamentally become a new - but more importantly, BETTER - person.

 

To become this new person, you need to change it up in life. Reorganize your life. Pursue some things you've always put off, do some cool things you've always wanted to do.

 

Chances are you've been a needy, emotional, clingly ex-boyfriend. You want to be displaying the exact opposite of those behaviors. Become independent, ambitious and pre-occupied with your own life.

 

Only then do you have a chance that she'll start to look at you in different eyes.

 

But once I got there, I realized she wasn't what I was looking for in the first place.

[AlexanderJames]

I try to help everyone I can on here, especially the ones who've been there for me.

 

I know it's hard mate but you have to do whatever you can to take your mind off of it. Going out is pointless if you arent having fun with people who make you feel important. Find something you really enjoy doing with people who you love, and who share the same interest, and do it regularly. For me it's going to the gym, taking my weekend car out into the mountains to stretch its legs or going down to the local 8 ball lounge and having a few drinks, playing a few games, listening to music and flirting with bartenders. Nothing outrageous but it's good fun. Sure I go home hop into bed and think of my ex but at least you get that break.

 

Remember me saying I guarantee I wont hear from my ex cause she was being spiteful and heartless? Well look at what happened to me. I was wrong and I heard from her, more than once. It's only been a couple of days, granted they are the hardest for you, but it's not a long time for someone to miss you. By no means am I saying get your hopes up. But we dont know what the future holds, and we have no control over the past. All that we can do is live each day as it goes, set goals, achieve them and grow as a person. It's your life, not hers, even if one day she becomes a part of it again, it's still your life to live. And you are the only person who can bring it true hapiness.

 

It's okay to have hope, but it's unhealthy to depend on it, or to let hope linger when it's inevitably hopeless. I guess what I'm saying is pick up the pieces, live for you. Set some goals, whatever they may be. Mine have been to have a godlike physique by summer music festival season at the end of the year and to clear some of my debts for example. Setting and achieving goals works wonders on the ego. Be selfish, dont think of women or relationships for the time being. Those urges and desires will return on their own when you're ready

 

If you wan't your ex, and that hope is there, then theres no switching that off. You will have to live with this hope and this desire for the time being. But as time goes by those hopes and desires will fade, again on their own. All you can do is let yourself feel, and let yourself heal. (haha I'm a poet) She may come back, she may not. And whether thats before or after you have moved on is another bridge all together. But these should be the last things you lose sleep over, for the time being.

[whoknows11]

I try to help everyone I can on here, especially the ones who've been there for me.

 

I know it's hard mate but you have to do whatever you can to take your mind off of it. Going out is pointless if you arent having fun with people who make you feel important. Find something you really enjoy doing with people who you love, and who share the same interest, and do it regularly. For me it's going to the gym, taking my weekend car out into the mountains to stretch its legs or going down to the local 8 ball lounge and having a few drinks, playing a few games, listening to music and flirting with bartenders. Nothing outrageous but it's good fun. Sure I go home hop into bed and think of my ex but at least you get that break.

 

Remember me saying I guarantee I wont hear from my ex cause she was being spiteful and heartless? Well look at what happened to me. I was wrong and I heard from her, more than once. It's only been a couple of days, granted they are the hardest for you, but it's not a long time for someone to miss you. By no means am I saying get your hopes up. But we dont know what the future holds, and we have no control over the past. All that we can do is live each day as it goes, set goals, achieve them and grow as a person. It's your life, not hers, even if one day she becomes a part of it again, it's still your life to live. And you are the only person who can bring it true hapiness.

 

It's okay to have hope, but it's unhealthy to depend on it, or to let hope linger when it's inevitably hopeless. I guess what I'm saying is pick up the pieces, live for you. Set some goals, whatever they may be. Mine have been to have a godlike physique by summer music festival season at the end of the year and to clear some of my debts for example. Setting and achieving goals works wonders on the ego. Be selfish, dont think of women or relationships for the time being. Those urges and desires will return on their own when you're ready

 

If you wan't your ex, and that hope is there, then theres no switching that off. You will have to live with this hope and this desire for the time being. But as time goes by those hopes and desires will fade, again on their own. All you can do is let yourself feel, and let yourself heal. (haha I'm a poet) She may come back, she may not. And whether thats before or after you have moved on is another bridge all together. But these should be the last things you lose sleep over, for the time being.

 

 

I agree. I just been trying to do things that i love to keep my mind off of her. Its like nothings worked. Im not gonna make her contact me. I understand your ex contacted you. As rough as its been for you your lucky. I wish mine would. Not so i could jump back in, just so i know i could make things right. And to know she cares or something. And yeah its been a couple days, but theyve been the hardest. It seems like forever, i havent been able to sleep. I just think of her and how i miss her. I feel so close to caving again. But i cant. I just feel crushed. I cant come to grips that its done and she isnt going to talk to me. Ive read your stories in hope. Cause it seems like your ex wants you or is at least trying to make contact with you. I wish i got that. I feel like this space thing is just gonna backfire on me. Ill just be left here while she moves on and ends up with someone. Reguardless of a promise. Ive never been this nervous.

[AlexanderJames]

It's a fresh wound mate. It might feel like its not working, but its doing a hell of a lot more for you than sitting around at home wallowing in self pitty. So keep it up it gets easier I promise.

Yeah it's been rough. But I didnt hear from my ex for 3 months after I dumped her. Then when that didnt work I was NC for another 2 weeks, not as long as some, but far longer than a couple of days. It's early stages mate. Dont wonder too much on the what if. Just prepare yourself to cope with whatever happens.

 

You've read my stories, so you know that it wasnt an overnight thing to get where I am. And it hasnt been easy to make this progress (if its progress, I'm still uncertain).

Rome wasnt built in a day, but it was destroyed in 3.. Be patient, these things are easier to stuff up than they are to rebuild.. Just be strong, be yourself and hang in there. Its not easy, it never is. But it's times like these we get to shine and show everyone just how strong we are.

[whoknows11]

It's a fresh wound mate. It might feel like its not working, but its doing a hell of a lot more for you than sitting around at home wallowing in self pitty. So keep it up it gets easier I promise.

Yeah it's been rough. But I didnt hear from my ex for 3 months after I dumped her. Then when that didnt work I was NC for another 2 weeks, not as long as some, but far longer than a couple of days. It's early stages mate. Dont wonder too much on the what if. Just prepare yourself to cope with whatever happens.

 

You've read my stories, so you know that it wasnt an overnight thing to get where I am. And it hasnt been easy to make this progress (if its progress, I'm still uncertain).

Rome wasnt built in a day, but it was destroyed in 3.. Be patient, these things are easier to stuff up than they are to rebuild.. Just be strong, be yourself and hang in there. Its not easy, it never is. But it's times like these we get to shine and show everyone just how strong we are.

 

 

Its been a few days. And i figured if it was the last time id possibly get to talk to her, id do it on my terms and leave the last word. So i caved tonight. I did it because i felt i needed to admit my mistakes. So i gave her the most sincere,heartfelt apology i could. I felt relieved afterwards, that i got it off my chest. But now im crushed and it really hurts now. Cause i got nothing in response. Im dissapointed in myself and i really believe she hates me now. And just wants nothing to do with me.

[AlexanderJames]

Okay so you said what you wanted to say and got it off your chest and she ignored it for now. No biggy. I got no response when I did the same.. Not until I txt the next day saying "Hope that didnt upset you" and all I got back was It was nice thanks, Appreciate it and all that did was make me feel even worse!

She's read it and its going to be on her mind now regardless of how she reacts.

 

Don't say anything more. As you can see all it does is brings you down even further. It's so early mate you've got a lot of ground to cover. And you both need time to think about where you're headed.. As much as you want he back and want to fix things, this is the time where you need to focus on YOUR wounds. fixing yourself up. You cant hope to reconcile and get a girls interest back if your a mess within yourself mate..

[whoknows11]

Okay so you said what you wanted to say and got it off your chest and she ignored it for now. No biggy. I got no response when I did the same.. Not until I txt the next day saying "Hope that didnt upset you" and all I got back was It was nice thanks, Appreciate it and all that did was make me feel even worse!

She's read it and its going to be on her mind now regardless of how she reacts.

 

Don't say anything more. As you can see all it does is brings you down even further. It's so early mate you've got a lot of ground to cover. And you both need time to think about where you're headed.. As much as you want he back and want to fix things, this is the time where you need to focus on YOUR wounds. fixing yourself up. You cant hope to reconcile and get a girls interest back if your a mess within yourself mate..

 

I agree man. I just thought i was doing the right thing. All it did was put me in tears. I havent felt this way in a long time. I sent one last text after the apology. I said i understand i broke NC/giving space. But i felt it was only right to apologize for everything. And its what she deserved to hear. I really feel like she hates me and doesnt want anything to do with me anymore. It looks like its the end of the road. I wish it wasnt.