Necromancer Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I don´t get it. Men seem to find me better looking than women do. I have been getting compliments from random guys saying that i am handsome/look pretty good. (just talking with them for 1-2 min) and from male friends. Still i have only had handful of those compliments from women on my looks (irl). They say either they enjoy talking to me/ or that i am funny. (and often want nothing more from me than that.) their compliments seem to be on my personality rather than looks. Strange...... somebody knows why?
Author Necromancer Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 you need to explore a gay forum, not loveshack At least i will have two times more options, seems light.
Curtis24 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I don´t get it. Men seem to find me better looking than women do. I have been getting compliments from random guys saying that i am handsome/look pretty good. (just talking with them for 1-2 min) and from male friends. Still i have only had handful of those compliments from women on my looks (irl). They say either they enjoy talking to me/ or that i am funny. (and often want nothing more from me than that.) their compliments seem to be on my personality rather than looks. Strange...... somebody knows why? Men feel threatened by extremely handsome men, so they will rarely boost them up - and even try to actively exclude them much of them time. However, something different could be work in your case. Who knows? Why not post a photo?
Author Necromancer Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 I am the same. Males (most of them heterosexual) will give me a so called 'no homo' compliment, saying I'm a good looking guy, while women never do that. I think men are more prone to giving people compliments than women, usually because most women are too insecure to do so. I think men also have a broader definition of beauty. I have heard that heterosexual men are not very good at judging male attractiveness. Does that make sense? Good post.
Author Necromancer Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 Men feel threatened by extremely handsome men, so they will rarely boost them up - and even try to actively exclude them much of them time. However, something different could be work in your case. Who knows? Why not post a photo? I will not post photo in this thread for the same reason as you, But i might send it in Pm. I have sent 1 dude photo here and he said i was decent looking.
USMCHokie Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I tend to get this as well from men and older women... ...but not women who are my age or younger...
mesmerized Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 men tend to overestimate males attractiveness. That might be why this is happening to you.
Oncehadluv Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 like i said why does it even matter? either way your ego is getting stroked... are u unhappy that women are not as verbaly strokive with thier opinions of you then men are?
USMCHokie Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 men tend to overestimate males attractiveness. That might be why this is happening to you. Hmmm, interesting point...do you care to elaborate? Why do you think this happens, or is there an explanation for this? Or is it just a conclusory statement?
mesmerized Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Hmmm, interesting point...do you care to elaborate? Why do you think this happens, or is there an explanation for this? Or is it just a conclusory statement? Well, I've had a lot of men telling me how they think they are very attractive or someone else is very attractive when to me they were'nt all that. Not that long ago a friend of mine made this statement: "I'm very handsome and that's why girls don't like me".
USMCHokie Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Well, I've had a lot of men telling me how they think they are very attractive . . . when to me they were'nt all that. Isn't that what everyone loves to call "confidence"...? So are they delusional in believing they are good looking when external feedback (i.e., from you) says otherwise...?
USMCHokie Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 wrong thread.... Heheh, yea, I saw that...looks like you took the wrong exit on the freeway...
mesmerized Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Isn't that what everyone loves to call "confidence"...? So are they delusional in believing they are good looking when external feedback (i.e., from you) says otherwise...? hmmm, when I say confident, I don't mean someone who is delusional about his looks...To me it means someone who has a strong foundation inside of him that will help him adopt to different situations and protects him against external issues. Someone who is happy inside and doesn't let things ruin his happiness and peace easily...
USMCHokie Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 hmmm, when I say confident, I don't mean someone who is delusional about his looks...To me it means someone who has a strong foundation inside of him that will help him adopt to different situations and protects him against external issues. Someone who is happy inside and doesn't let things ruin his happiness and peace easily... So you're saying the confident man would ignore your assessment of his looks because he believes he's good looking and that's all that matters...?
USMCHokie Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Well, I've had a lot of men telling me how they think . . . someone else is very attractive when to me they were'nt all that. Anyway, back to this...do you have any reasoning besides anecdotal "evidence" that would explain why men overrate male attractiveness? I actually think you could be onto something, but the fact that you know some guys who think another guy is attractive when you think he's not is hardly compelling...
mesmerized Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 (edited) So you're saying the confident man would ignore your assessment of his looks because he believes he's good looking and that's all that matters...? No... I'm saying he would accept the fact that he might not be the most attractive man and is OK with it. He would think that he would still be able to attract a woman to like him even though he might not be perfect. I like men who accept realities and are still secure rather than men who have to lie to themselves to feel secure. Most men (and women) fit in the second category. Anyway, back to this...do you have any reasoning besides anecdotal "evidence" that would explain why men overrate male attractiveness? I actually think you could be onto something, but the fact that you know some guys who think another guy is attractive when you think he's not is hardly compelling... Well, I'm sure I could find studies on this topic but right now nothing comes to mind... Edited July 8, 2012 by mesmerized
USMCHokie Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 No... I'm saying he would accept the fact that he might not be the most attractive man and is OK with it. He would think that he would still be able to attract a woman to like him even though he might not be perfect. This flies directly in the face of the whole premise of "confidence"... taken at the next level, this would be no different from telling someone that he should accept the fact that he might not be able to ever date or attract a woman and be OK with it, but he will still be able to live his life even though it might not be perfect... And your view here seems to strengthen the value of external validation...you're saying he should believe what others (e.g., you) rate his physical attractiveness to be and base his own self-worth on those opinions... Well, I'm sure I could find studies on this topic but right now nothing comes to mind... I've noticed you have an inclination to cite "studies"...how about some thoughts, theories, and speculation of your own...?
mesmerized Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 This flies directly in the face of the whole premise of "confidence"... taken at the next level, this would be no different from telling someone that he should accept the fact that he might not be able to ever date or attract a woman and be OK with it, but he will still be able to live his life even though it might not be perfect... And your view here seems to strengthen the value of external validation...you're saying he should believe what others (e.g., you) rate his physical attractiveness to be and base his own self-worth on those opinions... lol, it seems like you read what I say and interpret it however you want. Look, I'm a woman and I know I'm not the most attractive girl on the planet, I know there are tons of women who are better than me in the looks department but I still try to stay confident (though I'm not always successful). This confidence here is not exactly tied to my looks but to me as a person. I give you a simple example. Let's say two guys hit on me and I reject both of them telling them they are not attractive to me. First one gets upset, starts arguing with me saying "who do you think you are" whereas the second one even jokes about it, appreciates my honesty and maybe would still try to see if he can do something to increase attraction. Both guys would agree, if asked, that they are probably not that attractive. But the second guy is the guy who is confident (not because he didn't believe me but because he didn't let that beleif affect his whole life!) and the second guy is the guy that I'm likely to give another chance to. His attitude and confidence is a turn on and shows he is not easily blown by any wind. I've noticed you have an inclination to cite "studies"...how about some thoughts, theories, and speculation of your own...? I do that because studies usually have more thoughts/efforts/evidence put into them than what one person has to say. I thought that was what you were asking me. I'm not exactly sure why males overestimate their own and others attractiveness but I think it might be ego related and the fact that they just don't care about males looks that much in general and don't believe the details matter when it comes to men. Women often can describe other women's looks in details, reason why or why not they are attractive. Men usually just stick to generalizations like "you're fine man"...
USMCHokie Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 (edited) lol, it seems like you read what I say and interpret it however you want. Just choose your words more carefully. Words have meaning. And I have not stretched anything you've written. There are just a lot of contradictory statements being made. You made it kind of easy... Look, I'm a woman and I know I'm not the most attractive girl on the planet, I know there are tons of women who are better than me in the looks department but I still try to stay confident (though I'm not always successful). This confidence here is not exactly tied to my looks but to me as a person. Ok...from what you've written here, it seems that you're suggesting that one should only be confident in areas where they believe they are strong...? You say you are not the most attractive girl out there, so your confidence should not be based on appearance, but other attributes? Likewise, for someone who is very physically attractive but lacks personality, should he base his confidence on appearance and not tie confidence to personality...? I give you a simple example. Let's say two guys hit on me and I reject both of them telling them they are not attractive to me. First one gets upset, starts arguing with me saying "who do you think you are" whereas the second one even jokes about it, appreciates my honesty and maybe would still try to see if he can do something to increase attraction. Both guys would agree, if asked, that they are probably not that attractive. But the second guy is the guy who is confident (not because he didn't believe me but because he didn't let that beleif affect his whole life!) and the second guy is the guy that I'm likely to give another chance to. His attitude and confidence is a turn on and shows he is not easily blown by any wind. If the bolded above was the case, then only two possibilities can exist: (1) They never believed they were attractive to begin with; or (2) They believed they were attractive before meeting you, but changed their mind when you gave them external invalidation. I don't think your example does much to help you...you are really only comparing their reaction to your external invalidation here...you are still assuming that they are supposed to believe what your assessment of their attractiveness is... I'm beginning to think I'm going way deeper than you're prepared or able to discuss... Good game. I'm not exactly sure why males overestimate their own and others attractiveness but I think it might be ego related and the fact that they just don't care about males looks that much in general and don't believe the details matter when it comes to men. Women often can describe other women's looks in details, reason why or why not they are attractive. Men usually just stick to generalizations like "you're fine man"... I'll buy this. And I agree that some men are less detailed-oriented, especially when it comes to appearance. Edited July 8, 2012 by USMCHokie
mesmerized Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 (edited) Just choose your words more carefully. Words have meaning. And I have not stretched anything you've written. There are just a lot of contradictory statements being made. You made it kind of easy... Different people can interperet the same words differently based on their agenda or biased thought process. Ok...from what you've written here, it seems that you're suggesting that one should only be confident in areas where they believe they are strong...? You say you are not the most attractive girl out there, so your confidence should not be based on appearance, but other attributes? Likewise, for someone who is very physically attractive but lacks personality, should he base his confidence on appearance and not tie confidence to personality...? Correct. I realize my self-worth/confidence shouldn't be completely tied to my looks. It also means I accept the way I look and don't let lack of external validation upset me as much. If the bolded above was the case, then only two possibilities can exist: (1) They never believed they were attractive to begin with; or (2) They believed they were attractive before meeting you, but changed their mind when you gave them external invalidation. I don't think your example does much to help you...you are really only comparing their reaction to your external invalidation here...you are still assuming that they are supposed to believe what your assessment of their attractiveness is... I'm beginning to think I'm going way deeper than you're prepared or able to discuss... Good game. Oh boy, that's exactly what I would call delusionally confident. You really think you are discussing some very complicated phenomenon? And Why are you calling this a game? I'm not talking here to play a game. I have a feeling you just feel like "winning" tonight. Yes, I'm saying assuming they believe me, the mentioned reactions show the presence or lack of confidence. If they don't believe me, they can't necessarily be called delusional either (they might think I'm not their taste but they might be someone else's cup of tea) unless they are getting rejected by almost all woman they approach. Edited July 8, 2012 by mesmerized 1
USMCHokie Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Different people can interperet the same words differently based on their agenda or biased thought process. Indeed. The secret is to choose words that can't be interpreted in any other way... Oh boy, that's exactly what I would call delusionally confident. You really think you are discussing some very complicated phenomenon? And Why are you calling this a game? I'm not talking here to play a game. I have a feeling you just feel like "winning" tonight. It actually is kind of a game for me. I occasionally use LS for the mental exercise. And no, the "phenomenon" is so unbelievably simple that I'm surprised that few people grasp it... I don't think you were involved in the "Myth of Confidence" thread that I did fierce battle in earlier today, so you may not have gotten my whole theory on external validation as it relates to confidence... Yes, I'm saying assuming they believe me, the mentioned reactions show the presence or lack of confidence. If they don't believe me, they can't necessarily be called delusional either (they might think I'm not their taste but they might be someone else's cup of tea) unless they are getting rejected by almost all woman they approach. No, assuming they are supposed to believe you. I go back to an earlier post of yours that started all of this: "I've had a lot of men telling me how they think they are very attractive or someone else is very attractive when to me they weren't all that..." I don't know if you answered this already, but how are you the authority on what is attractive? And why should they take your opinion as truth...? The statement above was really the only thing that got me going down this rabbit hole...
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Hokie...I'm not sure what's up with you lately, you're usually a pretty chill guy but when it comes to this conifence subject you get ferocious like if you're on your man period defending your opnion in a passive aggressive manner w people who refute or simply express their opinion on the matter...however I don't think your intentionor perspective is that but I think just feel like you're simply explaining/expressiving yourself without even considering what people are saying or meaning, you focus on the words to dodge the point even though I know you know the difference..its responded to w sarcasm. Fact of the matter is I see you twisting the words of what others are saying to conform it to your idealogy of confidence...people do and say a lot of things to themselves to try and exude confidence...sometmes they even try to lie to themselves out of insecurity and sometimes this external validation from a few women lead them to become delusional in their appearance so they can maintain that more like arrogance than confidence. If other women were telling him that he was good looking then according to your theory he should be confident...yet mesmerized realized a man can exaggerate, more out of ego than reality, because his honest assesment is not based on himself or even true confidece...its based on external validation which will always be a variable because some people might be like her...not say anything to burst his bubble and even have more expectations rather than looks...she's also saying internal confidence will make a man believe in himself regardless of what this or that person says...because w confidence you don't just value yourself for one reason or based on external validation because even if you're not the best looking you don't get defensive...you know you can still succeed. Now I won't argue this point w you anymore, I honestly don't have the deep interest in the subject that you do...I simply agree to disagree. However if someon else may present a different opinion on the matter...id suggest the not squashing their argunent like a bug strategy...they're justr expessing how they feel...they may not want to debate it for 12 pages and get nowere in the end...I think the important thing is people know where they get their confidence and how can you help those who lack it..gain it within themselvs rather than just doom them for not having It because of X reason.
USMCHokie Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 (edited) Hokie...I'm not sure what's up with you lately, you're usually a pretty chill guy but when it comes to this conifence subject you get ferocious like if you're on your man period defending your opnion in a passive aggressive manner w people who refute or simply express their opinion on the matter...however I don't think your intentionor perspective is that but I think just feel like you're simply explaining/expressiving yourself without even considering what people are saying or meaning, you focus on the words to dodge the point even though I know you know the difference..its responded to w sarcasm. ..... Now I won't argue this point w you anymore, I honestly don't have the deep interest in the subject that you do...I simply agree to disagree. However if someon else may present a different opinion on the matter...id suggest the not squashing their argunent like a bug strategy...they're justr expessing how they feel...they may not want to debate it for 12 pages and get nowere in the end...I think the important thing is people know where they get their confidence and how can you help those who lack it..gain it within themselvs rather than just doom them for not having It because of X reason. No, I absolutely agree with you here. I have been uncharacteristically adversarial in recent days/weeks (?). Maybe out of sheer boredom...or maybe it's the lawyer in me once again rising from the depths...I don't have a particular interest in confidence...it's just my flavor of the week from the recent influx of discussion on the topic... And just because I "attack" doesn't mean I disagree with the lesson that should be learned. I actually agree with a lot of the stuff out there...I think I just sometimes see holes and contradictions in the way it's presented...and I can't help but identify it...so as I said in the post above, I do see it as sort of a mental game... Perhaps I should tone it down a bit... Edited July 8, 2012 by USMCHokie
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