Mariana345 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I know what you think. And you are giving me such a good advice! But I want you to know why is been so difficult to me to move on for good. He was my first serious relationship. We were together back in high school, we dated like two months, but we were kids and I broke up with him, and at that time I didn't care that much. I liked him, but I wasn't into him and that was all. So, we finished high school, we went to different universities, and about 2 or 3 years later he added me in msn. At that time I knew I made a huge mistake back then, I liked him all that time, but never dare to talk to because I hurt him a lot. So, when he contacted me I was really happy For around one year we just chatted via msn once in a while, and then I decided to take one sabatic year from university and go to los cabos to work. Then he started to tell me that he still liked me, almost every day we chatted. In some point we went out for a coffe and I told him that I really liked him, and he was important to me. For some reason he didn't get what I was trying to say, he never thought I meant it in a romantic way. So I felt rejected and left it that way... Some guy from work asked me out and I accepted. He found out that I was dating someone else and asked for help to a mutual friend. She mediated and we solve things out. I broke up with that guy and the week before I had to go to los cabos we dated. It was great... He left me at the airport and we both cried, that wasted time and we had to part again. Then he told me he will wait for me. We keep contact via msn and one week later I asked him to be my boyfriend again and we dated since then. In our relationship were a lot of jealous, a lot of problems, we both did sacrifices to keep us together but we sort each of them. I know the last months were more troubles than normal, but I never thought that lead to him breaking up with me. We were both first love, first serious relationship, first sex, and we loved each other for about 9 years... And I just can't believe he stoped loving me all of the sudden. I know, he probably found someone else... or he just had enough of me... or he just prefered this female friend of his than me... There could be so many reasons for him to dump me, and all of them would be reasonable, even I know that were not meant to be... (at least righ now or forever, I don't know! ) but we have so much history, we loved each other so much, that I can't help but to think we are going to solve this at the end!! But he broke up with me, he has not contacted me on his own for 5 weeks, he went to parties almost every weekend since the break up, he most likely cheated on me days before we broke up, and he even got rid of me in his life little by little, and I don't know why, why the h*ll I can't just accept it, give up, and move on . It's hurting me more than I would ever thought, one month passed by and I waisted it crying and regreting, wishing him back... This is too hard
Girlboots Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 It was hard because you loved him. We've all been there...have you tried talking to him again after that? What did he say? I know it's difficult, but sometimes you have to let go and move on. It's especially hard when they were your first and you allowed him to be closer to you than anyone else, I understand. But, what helped me is that I remembered he did love me at one point. His feelings for me were real, so anything we did wasn't because he used me. It really hurts, that person doesn't know how hard they're taking the break up, and they're out there having the time of their life, but I promise you he thinks about you. I know you think he stopped loving you, but I can assure you that you were special to this guy at one point. You will forever be in his heart and he will always remember you. You were worth something to him and just remember that. I hope you give yourself time to heal. Emotional wounds are just like physical one, they need time and care to heal.
Author Mariana345 Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 I feel for you. I'm going through a similar thing right now, losing my first love who was my first girlfriend, lived together, whole 9 yards. Right now its hurting like nothing before. The best advise that most of us can give you now is to set up hourly schedules to keep busy, focus on doing things, focus on yourself. You'll be able to do this and pull through. Tomorrow, start posting in a bit more detail about the relationship, the problems, etc. We'll be able to give you better advise. Also, find someone to talk to about it. I found that just hearing myself talk about the things that went wrong and how my ex treated me really helped me to kick my own ass and start moving on. I talked with my friends, who also know him since high school, we never thought this would happen, but they seems to think that I just should forget about him. I know they told me that because don't want see me hurt, but that hurt even more Also, I'm going to therapy, is helping, but is a slow process. I have to admit that I started the therapy to save my relationship, but that doesn't work for that XD Yes, tomorrow I will explain more, thank you for reading me It was hard because you loved him. We've all been there...have you tried talking to him again after that? What did he say? I know it's difficult, but sometimes you have to let go and move on. It's especially hard when they were your first and you allowed him to be closer to you than anyone else, I understand. But, what helped me is that I remembered he did love me at one point. His feelings for me were real, so anything we did wasn't because he used me. It really hurts, that person doesn't know how hard they're taking the break up, and they're out there having the time of their life, but I promise you he thinks about you. I know you think he stopped loving you, but I can assure you that you were special to this guy at one point. You will forever be in his heart and he will always remember you. You were worth something to him and just remember that. I hope you give yourself time to heal. Emotional wounds are just like physical one, they need time and care to heal. I know that I was important to him, I just... I wanted to be always that important, I'm devastated, I love him so much... I really thought this will last forever... I don't want to be past for him... I know is not in my power, but still... is so difficult
Jamie1986 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Reading your post Mariana I'm feeling very much the same way right now. It was my first serious relationship and the relationship wasn't perfect but she meant the world to me and then all of a sudden she just gave up. It's hard to accept but you know in your head you love him and how you're feeling; you think he's feeling the same? Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't love you back? It's hard feeling like you have the world to offer someone and they have nothing to offer you in return any more.
Author Mariana345 Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 The start of the relationship were difficult, I was in los cabos and we just text each other, email and every weekend we talk one day over the phone. Sometimes we chated via msn. He even went to los cabos one weekend to spent time with me, and it was amazing. I came back four months later, because it was going to be christmas and I didn't want to spent it away from him. But then I regreted a little because I could make a lot of money on that days. Well, afterwards our relationship were just normal, we call each other all days over the phone, texted frequently, and we were in university, so we saw very often those days. Our biggest problem were his friend Julia, he told me she was his best female friend and they were very close, too close for me. I have male friends as well but when I started the relationship I draw a line between a behaviour with friends and boyfriend. But he didn't. Then I realized that she liked him, but she never did something to make me worry, he did, by keeping their previous behavior, and not giving me my place as girlfriend. One day I found this photo wich they were in they school, she was sitting on the floor and he was lying down on her lap. That was all for me. For several days we struggle with this issue, till I told him I wanted nothing to do with the relationship anymore. That I wasn't happy with that. I really wanted to broke up with him, but he ask me to a chance. Later he told me that he talked with her and yes, she liked him, so he cut out contact with her. It was hard because they were a group of friends really close, and here I go and "destroy" them. So his remaining friends never really liked me after that. I tried to be friends with them, but it was difficult, and didn't get along really well, so, I told him that I didn't want to spent so much time with them, that he could go and have fun withouth me, but he prefered go out with me. So, it was his decision and I was ok with it. The other bigger issue was my career. I always wanted to work in the japanese embassy, so I studied international business and started japanese lessons, like 2 or 3 years before I dated him again. But because I wanted to be with him, when I realized that he wouldn't go to japan with me I settled and stop my language class. But then I have nothing that I wanted to do, so I tried different things, I even went to work to a japanese company, but as secretary so I really didn't liked it. I tried different jobs but was so frustrated, I didn't like none of them. I have to admit that I become more and more frustrated and sometimes desperated, and yeah, I suppose he paid for it. So when he broke up he told me about those big issues. Him "giving up" his friends and me wanting something big in my life and him wanting a simple life. That we weren't compatible and that I need someone who could keep my pace... But now I'm not so sure that was a real reason. You see, the month before to our breakup almost every week we fought a lot, but he told me that he wanted to fix things, I even asked for some time apart but he told me that he didn't believe that would solve anything, cause things don't get solved in their own, so we need to keep trying (THAT WAS THE WEEK BEFORE THE BU). He also told me that even when we were fighting he feels ok just to be with me... And well... the day before the BU, I had some problems at home and couldn't see him, so he told me he went out with his male friend Antonio to shop for some celphone accesories and then he went to his friend's home. However, I discover that we actually went to the movies, and he paid 2 tickets (when we dated he always wanted to pay for me). I don't really know with who he went, but after that he suddendly didn't want to do anything else for the relationship, and he didn't feel the same way. At first he was saying that he didn't want to make a rush decision, that the time apart wouldn't be that bad idea, but then he told me that he can't go on that way and that he wanted to breakup. So yeah, I find it really weird, I mean, I know that we were not that good, and that we had our issues with the relationship, but that last thing tell me that he just dumped me for someone else. And even with that in mind, I don't know why the hell I can't just move on!! (really looking forward to your advice, I feel like I can't see things clearly )
Author Mariana345 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 I was thinking about all this... I really don't think we should be together. Sometimes when we were dating I also thought that, that we are not meant to be. But we loved each other that much that we didn't care. I realized that I wasted 5 weeks crying and thinking how can I bring him back... but I can't. I realized that even if he wanted, I'm in a state of total distrust. I don't want to be with him, I don't want to be withouth him... Right now I really want to focus on myself, be ok with me, stop thinking about him, enjoy my life. Even date again with someone else. Be the girl that he was preventing me to be. But the "hope"(?) still remain. I want to hide that hope really really deep, to not remember that is still in me...
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