Mansini Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Hey folks, thanks for taking the time to read of my recent woes. This morning, I broke up with my girlfriend of four months. And I'm having trouble coping with it. (Bet you never read that before) , A little background. I'm 34, never married, no children. She is 26, divorced with a 5 year old girl. We work together in a small business, that's how we met. I'm Amercian and she's Mexican (her English isn't very good and neither is my Spanish). She started working at my company last September and I was immiedatly attracted to her. However, professionalism kept me at bay, saying to myself "It wouldn't be good for us to get involved romantically". Around January, our interest in each other bloomed as we always made long eye contact. After some debate, I pushed my luck and said "Go for it" and gave her a rose one morning and we've been together since. I knew the relationship would have it's challenges already considering the language barrier, but I tried to learn as much Spanish as I possibly could during our time together. I have to admit, at times being around her and her family speaking Spanish made me frustrated at times. But I've been around Mexicans all my life and hearing Spanish spoken around me is normal. Things were cruisin' right along, we'd spend time together and I'd spend time with her and her daughter (whom also speaks Spanish and broken English). I never dated a woman with kids before, but my feelings toward my girlfriend made me want to be in a relationship with her regardless. My feelings started to change about a month ago. Not towards my girlfriend, whom I love with all my heart, but with how I wasn't spending enough time with her alone. My girlfriend lives with her sister and brother-in law. My girlfriend shares the same room and bed with her daughter. Needless to say, the daughter is somewhat "high maintanance" as her father lives two time zones away and clings to her mother regularly. At one time, paying for my girlfriend's and her daughter's meals and trips out didn't bother me. Recently, it started to bother me though. Thinking to myself "I have to pay double for time out with my girlfriend". In a nutshell, my whole lifestyle and things I want to do were always comprimised by what my girlfriend's daughter wanted to do. The whole time though, I thought to myself "Keep the peace, it's hard enough to speak my opinoin on something to my girlfriend without the risk of something getting lost in translation." Even if I spoke up about it earlier, there would have been much options, my girlfriend is raising her daughter without the help of dad. Last night, I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep. My girlfriend and her daughter sleeping soundly next to me. Something snapped, I couldn't take it anymore. I needed the closeness and touch of the woman I love without having to feel like I'm 2nd on the totem pole. I know, selfish right? This morning, I told her the news that "I love you with all my heart, but...". I was so distraught telling her, I started to break down like a little kid in front of her. She was obviously upset as well, and probably surprised by my decision. After a maybe 10 minutes, i gave her a final hug and kiss out the door as I couldn't control my emotions anymore and walked over to car while hearing the door slam behind me. The drive home felt like an eternity. It felt like I had just had my heart ripped out of my own chest, by my own hand no less! After three hours of just complete feelings of loss and loneiless, I messaged her on Facebook translated to Spanish telling her exactly how I felt so she wouldn't get some other idea of my actions today. But at the same time apologizing and telling her I love her more now than before. Which is the truth. At the same time, I told her none of this is her fault and not the fault of her daughter either. I'm confused and that's the reason I'm here. Telling my story in order to get some healthy advice. Looking back on what I did today, I have felt this moment brewing in me over the past couple of weeks. But could I have done it better without just blowing up like I did. I love her (a term I don't use lightly either, only said it to a girlfriend of mine 10 years ago before this one), and want her by my side. My stepfather took me as his own son when I was also five years old. Today, I call him "Dad" and took his last name when I turned 18. Do I have what it takes inside to be with the woman I love and take the young one under my wing the same my stepfather did for me? Thanks in advance.
Snakechammah Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 It's only 4 months and you're already feeling smothered. Time for a reality check. Take time out and think it through. Do you really want this? Do you really love her? Can you accept her daughter wholeheartedly? Are you ready to be a dad? In a relationship, both needs should be met. If one compromised too much, there will be resentment. If there are resentments, the harmony in the relationship will be distorted. Not a good start. Think about it carefully.
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