Leopard Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Leopard: You make a valid point, it makes perfect sense. I really have no clue what to do anymore. I decided on going with them, but I am not sure if I should mention that I am “upset” about the plans we made and that I made preparations for it. The consensus on here tell me to do so.. Damn… Telling her this makes me come across as weak and unflexible? Not telling her is like a doormat... There doesn't seem to be a right way. I don't think it makes you a doormat at all. I know you don't want to hear this, but in your particular case, you're going to have to play along with her parents for a little bit. I wouldn't want to either, but I have been your gf in this situation. The fact that they are inviting you to an event with them means two things: a) They are willing to meet you and b) They want to see what you will do. If you will come along, then they will see you are willing to change your plans to accommodate her should something with the family come up. I know they did it out of spite, but if they are inviting you and you don't show up, it will just confirm that your intentions aren't serious. After all, they will think you want to see HER but not enough that you would actually meet her parents. Whether you show up or not will show them how much you care about her. If you care enough to actually change your plans and say "You know what, i'm bothered but I would rather see her with her parents than not see her at all". This is what they want to figure out. I think you should go. And I think once you are there, you should thank them for inviting you. Don't mention you had other plans. They know this and they are testing you. Damn, glad I wasn't born a guy. So much work just to get the girl lol
Author Thierro Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 Update: It went well. I tried to upon up to her parents. We talked for a bit. When we arrived at the festival, they told us to go wherever we wanted, so we did. She really opened up to me and we are definitely serious about this (she’s officially my girlfriend). Her parents payed for my ticket as well. I thanked her dad with a firm handshake afterwards (I also invited them for a drink, but they declined). They seemed more ok with the situation. It was raining throughout the day and eventually her dad told us to go home together and warm up while they staid a little longer. I guess there's still hope. Thanks again for all the help that you have given me. I’m glad that it turned out this way. 1
carhill Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Here's a thread from the OP from back in 2010. I might cosign 'finding himself' but he doesn't write or act like a teenager based on reading his past threads. If he's altered his style away from what he discussed in that thread (the 'damn parents' comment indicates he might have) perhaps it's time for a re-think or some middle ground. OP, any comments?
Author Thierro Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) Thanks for the replies. I don’t believe that this is an immaturity thing at all. The girls I’ve been dating in the past were very intelligent. They were very evolved people for their age. The same goes for my friends. I'm an overly serious guy at times that needs to lighten up. I try to be the best I can be. Sure, sometimes I’m insecure about doing the right thing. Sometimes I get mad at people that disrespect me for who I am based on looks/success etc. I’m not perfect; clearly visible in my older posts. But that’s why I am here. I am always trying to become better and learn, but you can’t do that alone. You need other people to validate your processes. I see more 25 old girls act more childish than the 18 year girl I am seeing now. I want a relationship that lasts for years to come. I would love to be married for over 50 years with someone. I don’t know how much this girl will change, but she has a lot of qualities that show me that she’s not some kid. I really wish she was older so she would’ve had more life experience. But that’s not the case. I’m pretty sure this will be a strong, mature and steady relationship. There are people that met each other from the age of 16 and are still together after 50 years. It’s rare, but it can happen. Why should I quit this based on the age difference 18 and 25? What if, 5 years from now, we are still together, wouldn't you call this a success? What exactly is the problem here? That you guy's think that she's not mature enough based on her age alone? Edited July 9, 2012 by Thierro
carhill Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Different generation but my aunt married my uncle (now deceased) when she was 18 and he was 28, right after WW2. They were married 53 years when he died at 81 a number of years back. He built many houses for them (carpenter by trade) and she still lives in one of them. My mom's parents (same as aunt) were 'difficult' in general but that didn't stop my aunt from marrying an 'older' man. She went on to raise a family and have her own working career which she retired from many years ago. People have been doing this stuff for, literally, centuries. Times are always changing so the particulars change and evolve. Go with the flow but stay true to your style. If it doesn't work out with this one, then OK. There's other potentials out there.
Recommended Posts