ihateslowjams Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 its been about 4 weeks of NC and 5 weeks since the BU (3 1/2 year relationship). Im feeling a bit better, but i still can't function properly (lack of sleep, eat half as much as i used to eat, and cant focus/concentrate on anything). Even though I've been feeling a bit better emotionally, my pride/self-worth is still at an all time low and feels like its getting worse as each day passes. if you haven't read any of my posts, i was dumped because in my ex's eyes, i don't have the drive and determination to be successful and the line "I'm not in love with you anymore". Practically, the whole drive and determination part is really killing me and i can't stop self-loathing. I do have my own definition of being successful, but I'm no where near it at the moment. I haven't graduated from school (currently attending), i still live at home at the age of 27, and I've lost all of my friends over the years... I just heard my coworker meet a few guys recently and she explained how they were all 27, own their own businesses, have multiple homes in different cities, and own american express black cards! one of them even retired already at the age of 27! After hearing her story, it totally made me look at my own life and go WTF?!?!?! I hate how I've wasted the past 9 years doing absolutely nothing to improve my own lifestyle. Man, i need help out of this dark, dark hole I'm in
LoverOfDance Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Stop looking at everyone else and start focusing on yourself. Who cares what they have and what they don't have. When I was in high school, all I wanted to do was go to school/university, study hard, graduate, get married and have kids(I love babies:D). But now, my dreams have changed. I want to be an amazing dancer. I want to inspire people to chase their dreams and be passionate about something. After all, what is life without passion. To be honest, I don't really care about being famous, I just want to be an amazing and inspiring dancer. Figure out what makes you happy and focus on that. Nothing else matters, trust me. That's all we are all looking for after all - happiness. Everyone just wants to be happy. So just find out what makes you happy and focus on that. 1
Author ihateslowjams Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 Stop looking at everyone else and start focusing on yourself. Who cares what they have and what they don't have. When I was in high school, all I wanted to do was go to school/university, study hard, graduate, get married and have kids(I love babies:D). But now, my dreams have changed. I want to be an amazing dancer. I want to inspire people to chase their dreams and be passionate about something. After all, what is life without passion. To be honest, I don't really care about being famous, I just want to be an amazing and inspiring dancer. Figure out what makes you happy and focus on that. Nothing else matters, trust me. That's all we are all looking for after all - happiness. Everyone just wants to be happy. So just find out what makes you happy and focus on that. Thanks for the words of encouragement. Im just started to fear the future. Im beginning to have doubts about the major i chose, even though i know its a good major...
StarlaStardust Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I've never met a man my age (27) with any of that stuff. Either they're full of sh*t, or I'm on the wrong planet for dates like this. I'm a successful young woman who has accomplished more than most "old" people have in their whole lives, and I would settle for "pays his cell phone bill on time."
Author ihateslowjams Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 I've never met a man my age (27) with any of that stuff. Either they're full of sh*t, or I'm on the wrong planet for dates like this. I'm a successful young woman who has accomplished more than most "old" people have in their whole lives, and I would settle for "pays his cell phone bill on time." hahaha honestly, my friend thought they were lying too, but after careful stalker-ish research on google, everything they mentioned were true. All of their names are on the companies' websites as CEO and stuff. Plus, my coworker saw them pay for a $15k bill (at a club) like it was paying for a value meal at McDonalds... ridiculous...
StarlaStardust Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I guess I live on the wrong planet, then. But I quite like it here. It's raining and I have blaukraut cooking on the stove.
Author ihateslowjams Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 I guess I live on the wrong planet, then. But I quite like it here. It's raining and I have blaukraut cooking on the stove. I prefer a steak/prime rib cooking on the stove instead ;P Yeah, i really need to stop comparing myself and just "do me". Eventually, ill be able to figure out who I'm supposed to be and everything will fall into place after that. I can't wait
StarlaStardust Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I prefer a steak/prime rib cooking on the stove instead ;P Yeah, i really need to stop comparing myself and just "do me". Eventually, ill be able to figure out who I'm supposed to be and everything will fall into place after that. I can't wait I'm on a healthy kick, but if you put that on my stove, I wouldn't complain. I feel excited for you! Things will fall into place if you let them/put in the work.
Author ihateslowjams Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 (edited) I'm on a healthy kick, but if you put that on my stove, I wouldn't complain. I feel excited for you! Things will fall into place if you let them/put in the work. Actually, i think it just did. haha gibson pulled me out of my dark, dark hole and now finally see the light. its still small, but i just gotta keep running towards it and ill eventually be enveloped in the light hahaha I'm finally in great mood, after being so depressed for so long. haven't felt this good in such a long time. I just gotta keep putting in work on myself and ill eventually get to where i should be. just focus on 1 day at a time. Edited July 8, 2012 by ihateslowjams 1
The Tallest One Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Ihateslowjams, if you think you feel bad, try being 42, almost My last gf left me cause of my financial situation and my self esteem has taken a nosedive bigtime. You can't compare yourself to others no matter what they have or have accomplished. You are where you are for a reason. Soon enough you will be in a different place in your life and things will be much better. Just stay focussed on yourself and work on improving yourself. Best of luck!
CopingGal Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 its been about 4 weeks of NC and 5 weeks since the BU (3 1/2 year relationship). Im feeling a bit better, but i still can't function properly (lack of sleep, eat half as much as i used to eat, and cant focus/concentrate on anything). Even though I've been feeling a bit better emotionally, my pride/self-worth is still at an all time low and feels like its getting worse as each day passes. if you haven't read any of my posts, i was dumped because in my ex's eyes, i don't have the drive and determination to be successful and the line "I'm not in love with you anymore". Practically, the whole drive and determination part is really killing me and i can't stop self-loathing. I do have my own definition of being successful, but I'm no where near it at the moment. I haven't graduated from school (currently attending), i still live at home at the age of 27, and I've lost all of my friends over the years... I just heard my coworker meet a few guys recently and she explained how they were all 27, own their own businesses, have multiple homes in different cities, and own american express black cards! one of them even retired already at the age of 27! After hearing her story, it totally made me look at my own life and go WTF?!?!?! I hate how I've wasted the past 9 years doing absolutely nothing to improve my own lifestyle. Man, i need help out of this dark, dark hole I'm in Okay, listen to me. NEVER, EVER compare yourself to someone else. People will exaggerate about the good things in their life, and keep the bad stuff hidden. Even if she's not exaggerating, you only know the good stuff, not the bad stuff. Forget about the past 9 years. Concentrate on now. If I focused on what could have been, I would pull the covers over my head and never come out!
Pod81 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I read a post (giving credit to Chi townD) in another thread that sounds similar to your situation. Let this be a source of inspiration for what you can achieve... "I was with this girl many, many years ago and I was supposed to marry her. Well, I caught her cheating on me. She turned on me like venom. She told me that I was a loser and I had no goals in life. That I was never going to college and I was just going to be stuck working dead end jobs for the rest of my life. She was going with someone that had goals in life. Like, cheating on me wasn't enough, she had to lay that crap on me. So, I was in a major depression. And one friday afternoon, a friend of mine literally kidnapped me. He threw me on a train with him and a couple of hours later, we were in St. Louis. We checked into the Sheridan and we just explored St. Louis. Went to a baseball game and at night we checked out the club scene. I even danced with a few girls. And then it hit me. There's a world out HERE and my world wasn't her. And I was determined to prove her wrong. After that weekend, I got motivated. I did get into college and a LOT of it. I found I enjoyed the challenge of it. I started my career after college and became successful in my field. All the while, I got the bug for travel and to see the world. white water rafting in West Virginia, dog sledding in Minnesota. France, England, Ireland, Spain, Germany, Japan, Brazil, Morocco, South Korea, Bahamas, Jamaica, Cuba.....just to name a few....I've been to them all. I've met some really interesting people along the way. Including my wife who've I've been happily married to for several years now and thank GOD she understands my need for travel. My life is pretty good right now. My self improvements were to prove her wrong, but about a year later, it became about me. I was doing the work, I was the one studying until 1:30 in the morning, it was about me dedicating myself to my goals because, in the end, she wasn't going to be the one benefiting from my hard work. So, she became an after thought. She never came back to me or even sought me out. I did hear that she ended up marrying the guy she cheat on me with. But, I also heard it was a shotgun wedding. He was in college and had to drop out and get a job because she got pregnant. Last I heard, the guy she left me for that had goals in life was an ambulance driver. About 5 months ago, I had a chance encounter with her. I was on my way driving across the city to get to a meeting. I knew the meeting was going to be INCREDIBLY boring, so I stopped off at a coffee shop (starbucks) to get a Latte to get me through the meeting. As I was getting out of my car, guess who was walking out of the Starbucks? YEP!! The Ex! And dammit if she still didn't look good. I was always hoping that she would have been 300 LBS and wearing a moo moo if I ever saw her again. But, I have to give her credit, she still looked good! I knew it was her because I had to take a double take, and she did the same thing. We didn't say anything to each other. However, she did see me wearing a suit and climbing out of my Lexus and she was climbing into her beat up Jetta! But, again, I should be thanking her in a weird way. After everything she did to me, it got me motivated to start my life. So, I used my NC as a tool to help me heal, get motivated and a jumpstart on my life. I never used it as a tool to try and get her back. I mean, lets face it. She wanted someone better than me, so why would she what to come back? I took a year to finally let her go and everything became about me (sounds selfish, I know) and my goals. What I felt that was important to me. So, this is how NC worked for me, and I got my revenge. I try to live a damn good life. It's a life she chose not to be part of and I'm completely okay with that. Because I now have my beautiful and loving wife."
Author ihateslowjams Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 I read a post (giving credit to Chi townD) in another thread that sounds similar to your situation. Let this be a source of inspiration for what you can achieve... haha i actually read his story already. It does give me some hope in my situation. Thanks guys for the encouraging words. I currently in the mindset of just focusing on my self one day at a time. Now, if only i can stop being such a nice guy... i practically became her doormat by doing her chores when she gained all of her money since i felt that i couldn't provide for her financially... I just bought the book, "No More Mr. Nice Guy", But i can't read it until after my summer classes end. Any other advice on preventing myself in becoming a doormat again...?
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