Author onthefence210 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Therein lies the difference between us. My kids were my strength. I decided that I didn't want my daughter ending up with a man like him and equally as important did not want my son to become that man. It doesn't happen overnight. I contacted a lawyer in early fall but didn't leave him until early spring. My lawyer guided me every step of the way. The whole time I was planning our break from him I just played nice. I kept on keeping on while planning my escape. Honestly it wasn't that difficult to pretend because he was so self-absorbed he never even noticed that I was fixing to leave. Thanks for explaining ur situation. I'm not sure what you are implying with "Therein lies the difference between us. My kids were my strength. I decided that I didn't want my daughter ending up with a man like him and equally as important did not want my son to become that man". I kno the dynamics of our situations are different but part of why I stayed was not because I didn't get strength from my kids to leave, it was because I was ignorant to why I stayed. Fear didn't keep me there back then, when I was ignorant, change is was kept me there. I knew something was unhealthy about my relationship with my H but I didn't know what. So much of his behavior seemed weird yet I thought it was just me. People love my H. My own family thinks he is a saint. They are just as ignorant as I was. I spent time looking at me. I changed me. Here I thought my changes although I was happier, it didn't make our M any better. I am very strong in my personal boundaries now, so much so that my H is literally losing it. He has no one to go to except people just like I was because they are the only ones that still see him as he portrays himself. I was raised by a narcissistic father, a very passive enabling mother. This behavior was normal to me so for me to even think about leaving back when I knew something seemed wrong, I would have ended right back where I was. I've been on that cycle with my H. My kids have learned behaviors from the both of us but sadly "his" two older ones are either just like him or just like me. I had no control over them, they were never legally mine so he used that to manipulate. Thankfully over the last 2 months and some very hard reality checks with all of my kids...I am showing them that this is not normal no matter how normal it feels. My son sees a psychiatrist and is getting much better with his own personal issues and seeing that all the times I seemed like a bitch was me just expecting him to take responsibility for his mistakes and yes it ended up with my H and I not speaking and my son knowing his dad would bail him out of anything because nothing they did was ever their fault. So I appreciate your story on how easy it ended up being for you to leave, and wish that it could be that way for me. My H, is not that simple. He is a master manipulator and thinks he has me trapped forever. Even going as far as telling me hell kill himself. I know this is a road that is going to be hell. And I am building up my children to prep them for the fire. I kno some of the resistance is me. It's not fear of the unknown as I welcome that. It's fear of what I do kno that paralyzes me at times. I am starting to feel more confident. And that to me is a major hurdle. "
Recommended Posts