yongyong Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I just can't figure out dating. I am becoming a hopeless. I had a date from online. I think I blew it. When a girl from Bar and Clubs flaked on me, I didn't put too much emphasis on it. (friends will say 'hey they are girls from clubs, you don't want that kind of GF anyways, no big deal') First several dates from online dating, didn't go well. I just thought she didn't have attraction for me. As it keeps happening, I can't blame it on someone. I have to Change myself. I am still frustrated though. There are cultural things I can't seem to overcome. I also think I am giving out desperate vibe but I can't figure out how I should act differently. I feel like I have to explain in detail to get better advice. We initially set up the date for last weekend. she told me on the same day 'sorry I can't' so I acted just cool 'no worries' (Rule1: when a girl flakes on you even in last minute with a stupid reason, you will never see her if you show any bitterness) I waited a week and txted her again. she said she was available today and tomorrow. so I just told her we should meet later. she agreed to it. Instead of seating at a coffee shop, we met outside. we walked, checked out the stores and carried the conversation while walking around. It was for about an hour and a half. I tried not to grab her hand and put my hand around her waist even though everything was going well. We were having a fun the whole time. I invited her to my business since she was interested in what I do. She sit on a couch and I sat in a different chair. we talked for 30 minutes about our interests. I moved and sat in the couch with her. The mood was going just fine. I put my hand on her waist, pulled her towards me. she moved closer. we talked little bit more and when I thought it was a good time, I kissed her. I kissed her briefly and looked her in the eye. she was saying 'this is our first date..blah blah' I looked at her for little bit and kissed her again. it was obvious that she liked it. (she wasn't passive) I didn't go crazy on her (keep licking her like a dog). I finished first and she initiated again. it was a good romantic kiss. Between kisses, I took some break and had conversation with her too. I was kissing her again and I briefly kissed her neck (I wasn't sure about kissing her neck heavily) She said she liked her neck to be kissed. so I kissed her neck, she was moaning and my hand was on one of her boobs. Because I am a Guy, I couldn't resist to put my hand on her boobs. she wasn't moving my hand as I put my hand inside her bra. I took her one boob's out and kissed the nipple for about 5 secs and put it back. (she moaned more) After kissing little more, she said she had to go because it was too late. so we had a good night kiss and I let her go. In my mind, I was thinking whole time, I shouldn't txt her 'good night'. I shouldn't txt her next day either. I should wait till monday and send out just simple 'how was your weekend' txt. (I blew many dates by sending out good night txt and sending txts next day) She is not just One of Girls I met at coffee shop. We had great kisses. Because I listened to my heart, next day I simply txted 'hey xxx' but she didn't reply. I asked her if she could be on IM again. She said 'what's up'. I told her 'it's nothing special' and talked about one thing we talked about last night. she didn't reply back. I noticed she was online that night. I IMed her and we talked little bit about what we did that day. she said she had to go to bed, said 'bye bye~' and left. (I was about to say I wasn't just after a sex and I wanted to get to know her..) I think I came little strong after a date. But How should I treat her after we had such romantic night? Should I treat her like just one of girls I go out on a date once a week? Is it desperate for me to treat her as 'more than friends'? (obviously you can't treat your friends the same way once you kissed them) I think, in this culture, kissing, making out, even sex doesn't mean anything. (you guys had a great sex on first date while being sober. If you send her sweet txt next day, she will label you as desperate) In our culture, if you've been hanging out with someone and you guys kissed, it's like you guys are automatically a couple. (there is an exception. if you guys met at a club and did something that night, it doesn't mean anything) Trust me, I didn't ask her to be my GF. I didn't think we were getting serious. I just thought since we had such romantic night, there could be a possibility of LTR. So I knew through my mind (not heart) that I should just treat it like nothing and txt her few days later while going out with other chicks. Is it what I really should do? Should I keep a rotation of several girls and bang them at the same time? don't put any heart to it and if one of them brings up about serious relationship, I should decide then? (In this culture, there is nothing wrong to have sex with Multiple girls at the same time if none of you agreed to exclusive relationship. Vice Versa) You met a guy online and had a such great night. Do you expect him to go out with other girls and do the same thing? and act like nothing happened that night towards you? If he treats you slightly different, do you label him as desperate? Do you go out on a date with a guy online, do romantic things and Do that Again next day with a different guy? (winner should be the 'Player' guy who doesn't really care?) You would kiss any guys and change your mind quick next day? then why did you kiss him so lovely? (I know all girls will say 'only sluts do that. I am a good girl. I don't do such things' I met different kinds of girls. they were all the same) What should I do with this girl? Just wait about a week and send simple txt? 'how have you been?' Although my heart says I should be honest with her, I think it will make it worse. (about I wasn't looking for just physical stuff. I'd like to get to know her by doing things we like as friends) If I want to be honest with her, I want to talk to her in person but I don't know it will happen at this point.....
ThingsAreComplicated Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 uhm...you are communicating a pretty interesting mix between absolutely no experience whatsoever and high level of insecurity vs. you have done this before and have a slight clue what to do. what culture is this? In my "culture" if things go that far on a first date I don't see a lot of space of ruining things with a txt message a day later. Actually I would expect you to send one...frankly, I don't understand your question. Just go with the flow. And the flow is not to wait 1 week...
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