Author Sara_Shocked Posted July 13, 2012 Author Posted July 13, 2012 Thanks all!! It's been a trying couple of days and my husband did move out yesterday.........very reluctantly. He does not like the idea of being away from the kids. I finally broke a bit and said "Well you should have thought of that before you cheated!!" That set him off a bit too he never yells EVER!! He didn't like that comment though and part of me wishes I would have not said it because my intent is not to keep the kids away from him at all......I'm sure it came out that way. He said "Wait a minute .....Don't for one second confuse being a father with being a husband. My choice was a piss poor one that one that I regret more everyday, but you know the kids are my world. I will respect your wishes for a few days..........any longer and I get the kids stay with me " .... "They will think they are getting a vacation it would be fun and there is no reason for them to be punished or used in a vindictive way. Doing so would not only hurt them it would hurt me!" Really this is about me and him not him and the kids. He is a phenomenal father if a poor example when you factor in him being unfaithful to me. We went to counseling night before last........it was short the get to know each other phase. Really nothing came from it we both shared briefly, talked about some history, and why we were there ............we are scheduled again next week. STD tests came back clean on the both of us:D Other than that I'm just numb or more disconnected I guess. I did talk to some girlfriends and they are all in shock and floored that he would do this. All asking me what I'm going to do, txting me endlessly, which while sweet is becoming a job itself and prevents me from never not thinking about it. I'm leaning towards divorce at this point, but will give counseling a couple of weeks first. The more I dug, talked to him, looked over records I see how calculating, direct, deceitful, underhanded, compartmentalizing he was able to be for so long. Like a FBI agent just no one had a clue and he had no intention of stopping as some posters said. It makes me question everything he has done I feel like I married a SS agent now....... The more I think about it and him........ he has some deep issues that may or may never get truly fixed that's if he even considers himself broken. My husband is pretty confident and pretty arrogant and considers himself smarter than most. While willing to go to therapy his respect for the profession is practically nil.........and he already said if it becomes stereotypically babble he's not going to be committed for long. Taking the kids to the beach this weekend with a gf and her kids. That's its for now.
Silly_Girl Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Welcome to the nightmare. You either develop a dark sense of humor and a spine of steel or you lose yourself. Divorce is the third option.
GLDheart Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Sara, He is muddying up the issue with the kids. You and he took vows and got married. THEN you added kids to that and made a family. HE BETRAYED THAT WHOLE FAMILY, not just you. He will pay the price for that... Unfortunately, you all will.
scatterd Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 He sounds like he is going through severe mid life crisis.I did allot of reading about it.They say when a man gos through it most likely they are not ever the way they use to be they change. I feel for you and your children read about this. Good Luck
Radu Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Thanks all!! It's been a trying couple of days and my husband did move out yesterday.........very reluctantly. He does not like the idea of being away from the kids. I finally broke a bit and said "Well you should have thought of that before you cheated!!" That set him off a bit too he never yells EVER!! He didn't like that comment though and part of me wishes I would have not said it because my intent is not to keep the kids away from him at all......I'm sure it came out that way. He said"Wait a minute .....Don't for one second confuse being a father with being a husband. My choice was a piss poor one that one that I regret more everyday, but you know the kids are my world. I will respect your wishes for a few days..........any longer and I get the kids stay with me " .... "They will think they are getting a vacation it would be fun and there is no reason for them to be punished or used in a vindictive way. Doing so would not only hurt them it would hurt me!" Really this is about me and him not him and the kids. He is a phenomenal father if a poor example when you factor in him being unfaithful to me. We went to counseling night before last........it was short the get to know each other phase. Really nothing came from it we both shared briefly, talked about some history, and why we were there ............we are scheduled again next week. STD tests came back clean on the both of us:D Other than that I'm just numb or more disconnected I guess. I did talk to some girlfriends and they are all in shock and floored that he would do this. All asking me what I'm going to do, txting me endlessly, which while sweet is becoming a job itself and prevents me from never not thinking about it. I'm leaning towards divorce at this point, but will give counseling a couple of weeks first. The more I dug, talked to him, looked over records I see how calculating, direct, deceitful, underhanded, compartmentalizing he was able to be for so long. Like a FBI agent just no one had a clue and he had no intention of stopping as some posters said. It makes me question everything he has done I feel like I married a SS agent now....... The more I think about it and him........ he has some deep issues that may or may never get truly fixed that's if he even considers himself broken. My husband is pretty confident and pretty arrogant and considers himself smarter than most. While willing to go to therapy his respect for the profession is practically nil.........and he already said if it becomes stereotypically babble he's not going to be committed for long. Taking the kids to the beach this weekend with a gf and her kids. That's its for now. Do you see anything odd in the bolded phrase ? I'll quote again : Doing so would not only hurt them it would hurt me! The implication being, 'how can you hurt me ???'; one can even argue that he puts his suffering [considering the entire post] above your kid's suffering. I don't think he regrets much at this point. I can see why you would go with divorce. I am betting big bucks, it comes from losing his parents, with a touch of Hubris.
BetrayedH Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Thanks all!! It's been a trying couple of days and my husband did move out yesterday.........very reluctantly. He does not like the idea of being away from the kids. I finally broke a bit and said "Well you should have thought of that before you cheated!!" That set him off a bit too he never yells EVER!! He didn't like that comment though and part of me wishes I would have not said it because my intent is not to keep the kids away from him at all......I'm sure it came out that way. He said "Wait a minute .....Don't for one second confuse being a father with being a husband. My choice was a piss poor one that one that I regret more everyday, but you know the kids are my world. I will respect your wishes for a few days..........any longer and I get the kids stay with me " .... "They will think they are getting a vacation it would be fun and there is no reason for them to be punished or used in a vindictive way. Doing so would not only hurt them it would hurt me!" Really this is about me and him not him and the kids. He is a phenomenal father if a poor example when you factor in him being unfaithful to me. We went to counseling night before last........it was short the get to know each other phase. Really nothing came from it we both shared briefly, talked about some history, and why we were there ............we are scheduled again next week. STD tests came back clean on the both of us:D Other than that I'm just numb or more disconnected I guess. I did talk to some girlfriends and they are all in shock and floored that he would do this. All asking me what I'm going to do, txting me endlessly, which while sweet is becoming a job itself and prevents me from never not thinking about it. I'm leaning towards divorce at this point, but will give counseling a couple of weeks first. The more I dug, talked to him, looked over records I see how calculating, direct, deceitful, underhanded, compartmentalizing he was able to be for so long. Like a FBI agent just no one had a clue and he had no intention of stopping as some posters said. It makes me question everything he has done I feel like I married a SS agent now....... The more I think about it and him........ he has some deep issues that may or may never get truly fixed that's if he even considers himself broken. My husband is pretty confident and pretty arrogant and considers himself smarter than most. While willing to go to therapy his respect for the profession is practically nil.........and he already said if it becomes stereotypically babble he's not going to be committed for long. Taking the kids to the beach this weekend with a gf and her kids. That's its for now. Make it a priority to establish a shared custody arrangement. While I don't agree that his cheating has nothing to do with the kids (he just dropped a nuclear bomb on his nuclear family), you are all best served by a 50/50 custody arrangement. Do it as soon as possible. Remove this distraction from your issue with him so you can focus on your issue (seeing what remorse he has and whether or not you wish to reconcile or divorce). He will understandably NOT focus on that and things will get far worse until you ensure he has equal custody. Don't give him any ammunition. Unless you are going to go for more than 50/50 custody. Personally, I think that is NOT a good idea. You need an attorney to advise you.
Just_A_Poster Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Really this is about me and him not him and the kids. He is a phenomenal father if a poor example when you factor in him being unfaithful to me. "Phenomenal" fathers DON'T risk the security of their families just to dip their wicks into college students. That's EXACTLY what he's done - gambled away the children's familial security all to get his pathetic d*ck wet. "Phenominal" fathers DON'T waste family income on ditzy college girls for hire just so they can get a blowjob at the end of the night when there are college EDUCATIONS for his children to be saved for. How "phenominal" is this jerk for blowing $17,000 in marital assets buying the company and services of young girls instead of banking that money for his children's futures? "Phenominal" fathers don't spend their time out at hotels and bars "entertaining" strange women for dinner and drinks in the hopes of getting off later - they actually spend TIME with their children and put them FIRST. When Father of the Year actually ACTS like Father of the Year, then you can call him "phenominal." Until then, he's no more than a huge failure as a father. You need to take off the rose colored glasses, Sara. 1
Author Sara_Shocked Posted July 21, 2012 Author Posted July 21, 2012 (edited) "Phenomenal" fathers DON'T risk the security of their families just to dip their wicks into college students. That's EXACTLY what he's done - gambled away the children's familial security all to get his pathetic d*ck wet. "Phenominal" fathers DON'T waste family income on ditzy college girls for hire just so they can get a blowjob at the end of the night when there are college EDUCATIONS for his children to be saved for. How "phenominal" is this jerk for blowing $17,000 in marital assets buying the company and services of young girls instead of banking that money for his children's futures? "Phenominal" fathers don't spend their time out at hotels and bars "entertaining" strange women for dinner and drinks in the hopes of getting off later - they actually spend TIME with their children and put them FIRST. When Father of the Year actually ACTS like Father of the Year, then you can call him "phenominal." Until then, he's no more than a huge failure as a father. You need to take off the rose colored glasses, Sara. I won't argue semantics, but think of this like this! President Clinton was loved by many (exit polls say) and many had great increases in wealth during his presidency. Yet he had oral sex ++ with a intern!! I'm not going any deeper I think you get the point. My husband soon to be EX I FILED FOR DIVORCE YESTERDAY is a great father. If you saw him you would think he was, if you listed all the time, energy, sacrifice, and yes $$ he invests in our children counts a little too you would definitely think he was. You read on a message board how he does this and now he's a POS scumbag..........which I agree with the kids don't know. They just know this awesome dad who pushes them, supports them, and spends more time with them than most...while still showing you can run a company! Too bad he couldn't keep his pecker in his pants......though it's so much deeper than just that. Part of the shock in all of this is how can "That Father" who seems to be Super dad, Super husband, Super VP, do this? It not only turned my world upside down there is no one that knows now that isn't floored almost as much as I am. He has some very deep rooted issues that he not only has been hiding, battling, fighting forever it seems........ with counseling we have done it points to him always be this way. Best of luck to all!! Affairs suck, divorce sucks, and starting over sucks!! Edited July 21, 2012 by Sara_Shocked
Furious Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 I won't argue semantics, but think of this like this! President Clinton was loved by many (exit polls say) and many had great increases in wealth during his presidency. Yet he had oral sex ++ with a intern!! I'm not going any deeper I think you get the point. My husband soon to be EX I FILED FOR DIVORCE YESTERDAY is a great father. If you saw him you would think he was, if you listed all the time, energy, sacrifice, and yes $$ he invests in our children counts a little too you would definitely think he was. You read on a message board how he does this and now he's a POS scumbag..........which I agree with the kids don't know. They just know this awesome dad who pushes them, supports them, and spends more time with them than most...while still showing you can run a company! Too bad he couldn't keep his pecker in his pants......though it's so much deeper than just that. U Part of the shock in all of this is how can "That Father" who seems to be Super dad, Super husband, Super VP, do this? It not only turned my world upside down there is no one that knows now that isn't floored almost as much as I am. He has some very deep rooted issues that he not only has been hiding, battling, fighting forever it seems........ with counseling we have done it points to him always be this way. Best of luck to all!! Affairs suck, divorce sucks, and starting over sucks!! Sara In a very short time you've discovered an awful truth about your husband and have had the strength and courage to decide to divorce. I hope that you take care of yourself and reach out for the support you need through this difficult time. I'm very sorry that your life has been turned upside down and I hope the best for you and your children. Keep strong
BetrayedH Posted July 22, 2012 Posted July 22, 2012 Virtual hugs... ((((Sara)))) Sorry you had to join this club. I hope you heal quickly.
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