dudesomewhere Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 ok, I'm one of those that doesn't like to play games...so when things conflict it boggles as well as disturbs me. Now people can play all sorts of games from trying to make someone jealous to just trying to keep someone interested so that the game player can use you as a boredom buster. in this case I'm wondering if I'm a boredom buster...that said, ladies...please help me here. I get this feeling someone doesn't like me all that much, meaning they'd rather do without me but don't know how to really say it or feel too guilty saying so because I'm such the sweetie pie , hehe. So I'm wondering, each time this person sees me(it's a she ) she does give me a giant hug...you know the one where you squeeze real tight. But I'm wondering if that's all for the sake of the moment. So...have any of you or do you know anyone who'll do this? Go so far as to give a big hug to someone you don't really like just to do so? Or should I really take the hugs as a genuine portrayal of how she feels...an extension of what she may really feel towards me and not some strange misconception I have? please help me out...and don't feel guilty
meanon Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 Dude, as usual I do not understand most of your post! As to the main question, I don't know anyone who would actually hug someone they didn't like. I'd take it as genuine but be careful what you read into it. Some of us hug lots of people
Author dudesomewhere Posted July 6, 2004 Author Posted July 6, 2004 hehe, am I that confusing? well here's to confuse you more...I'm always concerned about friendship...nookie nookie with females is my last thought. I just want to know if someone likes me enough to tolerate my presence. I don't know what it is...I have a problem with encroaching too much on people. I think it's because I know with me, people who I like can never "suffocate" me. So I try to provide the most amount of distance I can without creating any negativity. It's like knowing I can love a friend with all my heart but sometimes forcing myself to only break off a fraction to hand them because some people are threatened by such love...know what I mean? I'm an enigma wrapped in an egg roll! Also, I'm thinking along these lines because...my older sister and my sister in law both don't like my brother in law(married to my younger sister) but they put up a face and give him hugs...nobody likes the guy. So I always wonder if people do this with me and would rather them not. yeah, I'm a little sleep deprived as usual but I wonder even if I'm fully rested do I confuse, hehe
meanon Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 No it's probably me, I'm not from the US. Sometimes things get lost in translation. I guess sometimes you do have to hug family you don't like. I think you are worrying too much dude, hugging amongst friends is common, you would have to be fairly uptight not to appreciate a hug. If you have misread signals before then maybe just watch for any negative reaction. One of my male friends always checks: "Big hugs?"
CurlyIam Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 Oh, c'mon, dude, I'm sure most women enjoy giving a hug to a nice young man, every one in a while... May I suggest you cut down on coffeine and stop wondering? Trust your instincts and what comes naturally. If I feel like hugging a good friend, I usually do it (mostly it's girls, I don't have that close male friends). Overanalysing it, thinking it through and through always kills a moment. I like showing affection, I don't see why you wouldn't, in your own way, of course.
Author dudesomewhere Posted July 6, 2004 Author Posted July 6, 2004 you think caffeine has that much effect? I'm sure there's lots of people who consume as much caffeine...or more. Hmm...I wonder...yes I'm wondering! hehe. Hmm, I'm thinking about this word "flaky" I applied it to myself this morning...flaky tends to have a negative connotation to it doesn't it? But its synonyms are offbeat and wacky...both have what I think is a fun connotation...odd isn't it? And all the words mean odd, lol I'd say I'm wacky(or whacky) and/or offbeat...though I'm not sure about flaky. yeah...sleep sounds good...but too few hours in the day and I need to do some sketchin
thecake Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 These days I wouldn’t hug someone I don’t like, but I have in the past given disingenuous hugs to people I could care less about just to make myself look nice. If you have the “feeling” that someone doesn’t want to hang with you, you’re probably right but then you may be completely overanalyzing the situation. Personally, I don’t think hugs mean anything these days (I’m in the south and EVERYONE hugs each other) unless it’s someone you love…a hug can be just about as insincere as someone you don’t know asking how you’re day is going on the elevator…like they honestly give a crap. I have a new neighbor who is the nicest fellow but I don’t want to “hang out” with him. ..there's just something about him that gets on my nerves...NOT that I would tell him this. I’m nice to him if I see him out in his yard, etc….you know give a little wave and say good morning but I have no interest whatsoever in being his friend.
Author dudesomewhere Posted July 6, 2004 Author Posted July 6, 2004 aggghhh!!!! Why can't you guys just say F off and give me the bird when you see me rather than giving me a hug and smile....it's killing me! hehe I think I need to go buy me some more books tonight or something
Karlise13 Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 Some people are just 'huggers' One of my best friends hugs EVERYONE! And she gives big hugs, too. I guess for 'non-hugger' types, this can sometimes be overwhelming. They may not be sure how to interpret it. As for whether someone likes you or not....if she REALLY disliked you I don't think she'd hug you at all! She might not be interested in you romantically, but she may appreciate you as a person. In all honesty, I wouldn't spend a lot of time worrying about it. If she gives you what seems to be 'mixed messages', just take it with a grain of salt. Focus your attention on people you know like you and spend your time and energy on them.
HokeyReligions Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 I'm from America and I'm a bit confused! I come from a non-demonstrative family. We don't hug anyone--including each other. I have friends (male and female) who hug, they hug you whenever they see you -- even if its a day later! However, I have never known anyone to give a big hug to someone they didn't like---even if they are huggers, UNLESS, they are in a situation where there are other people around whom they have hugged and they don't want to appear as if they were slighting you. Are there others around when this girl hugs you? I wouldn't read much into it - but if you are confused or uncomfortable, then talk to this girl. If she likes you romantically or as a friend, or if she doesn't like you at all --- give her the opportunity to tell you. If she's a friend she will be very happy to clear up any miscommunication or questions and then your relationship with her (whatever that may be) will be better for both of you.
Author dudesomewhere Posted July 6, 2004 Author Posted July 6, 2004 hehe, me the enigma it's only been a couple of occasions, once when it was just her and I...public place, no biggie and another in a public place and her with a female friend I didn't know. Now, being Asian American MAJORITIVELY and I stress the major part because I'm 31 and have been in America for 29 years , it is my impression that asian societies don't really hug, we do the bowing thing right? ...anyway, I hug my father and my brother in a very childlike way. My dad gets a kick out of it and I think he likes it because he wants to still keep his kids his kids and none of us mind that...but he likes my innocence. I'm the only one left who's not married and they know I don't date...eventhough I'm the looker *looks around* . So yeah, my dad loves it when I'm like that, he chuckles when I hug him...and I do it in public. I think he likes it because it is much warmer than any greeting he's ever known. How do I hug? I squat a little and from behind or in front, my face is either in my brother/father's chest or shoulder blades and I'll hug them tight and not let them go...and I'll mash the side of my face against them. I think I'm the only 31 year old guy that hugs like that...but I'll only do that with my brother and dad. So, I don't really know what it is about me...I never want anyone to do anything they don't want around me...especially if it's a she. Let me say again that I love women utterly, I really do. I hope some of you women will appreciate this but it is as innocent as me loving cats and kittens. If you can imagine some buff guy with long hair (when I had it) going to visit the pet store in the mall (when he worked there ) on his lunch breaks to go see the kittens and just sitting at the window watching them with a big giant smile...that's how I am with women too. I want to see women in that sort of innocence and at the same time also watch and admire without "breaking" if you will. Like a kitten that is too young for people to handle or a delicate flower on display. I like looking and getting as close as possible but fear any mishandling I may inadvertantly cause. there you go...a little more inside my head and I hope you liked it
meanon Posted July 6, 2004 Posted July 6, 2004 Ummm... I'm from America and I'm a bit confused! LOL! What you must at all costs avoid, dude, is being a furtive hugger. At work one of my managers clearly wants to hug but feels it's inappropriate so instead he squeezes my arm or my hand. That freaks me out, whereas I wouldn't have thought twice about a hug.
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