Sweett Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 When I reconnected with him in 2009 after 14 years I was soexcited and happy about him being my mate and I thought it would last for along time. I liked him in high school but he was seeing another fellowclassmate at that time. I was happy confident and optimistic when we starteddating in 2009. After a while, deep down I know things were not right with therelationship but I cannot seem to stop trying to figure out where things wentwrong with my ex. We argued all the time and seems like every time we did hewould say things like “I can’t do right by you” “am I holding you up” “maybe we’renot compatible” “maybe we would be better off as friends”. Why would someonewho loves you say these things?? But after each argument we continued forward andhe did constantly tell me he loved me. But the arguing began about 6 monthsinto our relationship and it took its toll on me emotionally and physically. Hewas not a very good listener during disagreements. He would always over powerthe conversation or talk over me and I could never get my point across abouthow I was feeling. This always upset me most of the time to the point of tears.Seems like during the arguments it was all about him and what he was doingright and what I was doing or saying wrong. This started to make me feelpowerless and question myself and I would start to blame myself because he madeit seem as if it was my fault we were arguing In the first place. But if awoman cannot question her partner something is wrong!! I slowly started to feelreally low and I cried a lot. I went from being happy and optimistic to sad andhopeless and constantly asking myself what’s wrong with me. He would make mefeel bad just for asking a question. I always felt like he was pushing me awayand I was always trying to figure it out, Never dawned on me the possibility ofanother girl. When he broke up with me after 2 years (and 3 weeks after Icaught him with another girl) he said its not me and it was him and he needed space to figure out what hewanted to do and maybe he needed to take a step back to figure things out becausehe was tired of me crying and tired of hurting me and that he was not askingfor space to be with another girl. The girl I caught him with said they hadbeen talking for a few months…he said it was a lie. He said they were justfriends so then I asked him why was she in his bedroom…he said that’s where shefelt comfortable. For the record she was in his bedroom fully dressed laying acrosshis bed watching tv with no lights on but I still felt like this was wrong!!!If she was a friend she should have been in his living room watching TV orreally not there at all. After I caught him with her and then for him to breakup with me and tell me it was not to be with someone else was hard for me tobelieve. He called me on my cell phone while I was at work and broke it offwith me. He used to tell me I will break up with you before I cheat on you. SoI asked him “did you sleep with her” He got so mad and defensive (like he didduring our disagreements) and said “I’m not going to play this game with you” andhe never did answer my question. People often told me if someone is defensivethey have something to hide!!! Asdistraught and hurt as I was I could not let go because I truly loved him and Afterwe broke up I could not stop texting him just to say hi he would also call buthe only did once or twice and eventually he said that since I could not stopcontacting him this was not giving him his space so he said there was no chancefor us to get back together at the moment and he said who knows what the futureholds. Of course I took this hard and I felt like this was an excuse to relievehis guilt because A month later I learned he was in a relationship with thegirl I caught him with so it looks like she was telling the truth, now they areengaged after a year. I can’t stop feeling so useless and like I caused this. Butat the same time if he loved me no matter what he would not have established abond with someone else. This was a little cold to me and harsh. Did he do melike this because of the other woman? I know this wasn’t right how he did this in establishing abond with someone else before leaving me. He said that he didn’t string mealong because “he had tried to tell” me meaning the statements I mentionedpreviously that he made after our arguing so he feels like he’s not a cheater.I don’t understand why people can’t just say it’s someone else instead ofasking for space as if they want you to hold onto false hope. Both are hurtfulso why not tell the truth? After a year I still cannot seem to let this go butI know I have to? Maybe because of how he did this? Why is this such astruggle??
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