WeAllMightBeNuts Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 He is not saying that. he´s saying that its a myth that you can choose to be confident. This is complete fail-think. Really read and think about this. If one were to accept this, then they are accepting that cannot choose anything about yourself. Meanwhile, others are making different choices every day. To be fair I didn't read much of the first post. Just too confident to waste my time on it. 1
Author Necromancer Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 I have a pretty handsome face and the physique of an NFL running back in real life and I can tell you that's complete nonsense. I don't get girls if I can't make them like me on a personality level I would 10 times rather be an average looking guy with a great personality than a model with no personality (assuming that I couldn't improve myself in either scenario) You know that women are just as shallow as men? I know few good looking guys, who average personality would be like James Bond compared to them and they get girls all the time. I know average fun guys who do 10 times worse than the good looking losers.
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Because you have established self-worth based on other things which you value more than becoming rich. And those things were assessed through external feedback mechanisms. A man without sight or hearing cannot be confident?
irc333 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Yeah the word "confidence" is them most highly overused word when it comes to "what a woman is looking for in a man" They need to come up with a new word. It's been beat into the ground. LOL
irc333 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I think there is some truth that the outcome of confidence is a result of our own environment.
USMCHokie Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 The confidence comes before the feedback, not the other way around Let me ask you this...when you learned to read as a child, how did you build confidence in reading? Did you just say to yourself that you shure doo reed guud? No, teachers told you that you were reading correctly, and based on this feedback, you gained confidence in reading. Feedback is always first. Otherwise, it's just blind "confidence"...like running in the dark...
irc333 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Confidence is merely a byproduct of success. You need some kind of social/sexual/romantic success before you can have genuine confidence. You know how there is always some group of male friends, that has this one guy friend that hasn't gotten laid just yet? Possibly due to his lack of confidence, so they hire a prostitute for him? They are like "Dude, we need to get you laid" Then, when the prostitute does her job, all of a sudden the guy is walking out of the bedroom struttin' his stuff. 1
USMCHokie Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 A man without sight or hearing cannot be confident? He still has his other senses...blind folk can hear feedback...deaf folk can see it...and those who are blind and deaf still have their senses of smell, taste, and touch. I'm sure there are processes in place for them to receive external stimuli.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Confidence is essentially believing in yourself, not a matter of success or failure. Not a matter of external validation, because what people tell you may not even be true or even hold any bearing in another situation or circumstance. It's simplistic to say that a "result" that is positive is merely external validation, when a confident person expects or thrives to achieve that result, not questions whether he is confident or not based on what others are telling him during the course of these actions. According to this theory you must first succeed and receive positive feedback before becoming confident. What happens If you are trying something you never succeeded in? do you not even try? do you have no confidence? Personally I don't work that way at all, in fact regardless of being validated or not I will continue on because it's what I believe in and what I feel will provide me with the result or what is my goal that I am hoping or looking for but there is no guarantee in that, because you first need confidence to even put your foot across that line, you don't know you'll succeed but like all things in life If you bust your ass or put the effort in you'll either do it or come pretty damn close. Without confidence, you'd be too scared or cutting yourself down. When you are confident you are able to pursue goals and overcome obstacles in your life not because you have any valid reason/proof to, but because you believe in yourself...you know that you can very likely accomplish it, that you'll figure out some way and If you don't then you try again and figure something out. It comes from not giving up on yourself, not making excuses, not letting society and statistics determine how you value yourself and determine your self-worth, or the next course of action. If I operated according to this theory, I would be or should be a completely different man than I am today. 2
ThaWholigan Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Confidence is essentially believing in yourself, not a matter of success or failure. Not a matter of external validation, because what people tell you may not even be true or even hold any bearing in another situation or circumstance. It's simplistic to say that a "result" that is positive is merely external validation, when a confident person expects or thrives to achieve that result, not questions whether he is confident or not based on what others are telling him during the course of these actions. According to this theory you must first succeed and receive positive feedback before becoming confident. What happens If you are trying something you never succeeded in? do you not even try? do you have no confidence? Personally I don't work that way at all, in fact regardless of being validated or not I will continue on because it's what I believe in and what I feel will provide me with the result or what is my goal that I am hoping or looking for but there is no guarantee in that, because you first need confidence to even put your foot across that line, you don't know you'll succeed but like all things in life If you bust your ass or put the effort in you'll either do it or come pretty damn close. Without confidence, you'd be too scared or cutting yourself down. When you are confident you are able to pursue goals and overcome obstacles in your life not because you have any valid reason/proof to, but because you believe in yourself...you know that you can very likely accomplish it, that you'll figure out some way and If you don't then you try again and figure something out. It comes from not giving up on yourself, not making excuses, not letting society and statistics determine how you value yourself and determine your self-worth, or the next course of action. If I operated according to this theory, I would be or should be a completely different man than I am today. Precisely Pretty much echoes my entire personal view
brahmabull117 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Let me ask you this...when you learned to read as a child, how did you build confidence in reading? Did you just say to yourself that you shure doo reed guud? No, teachers told you that you were reading correctly, and based on this feedback, you gained confidence in reading. I was very confident in the gym before I ever had any success, I just knew I was born to lift weights
USMCHokie Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Confidence is essentially believing in yourself, not a matter of success or failure. Not a matter of external validation, because what people tell you may not even be true or even hold any bearing in another situation or circumstance. It's simplistic to say that a "result" that is positive is merely external validation, when a confident person expects or thrives to achieve that result, not questions whether he is confident or not based on what others are telling him during the course of these actions. Failure is also external feedback. Someone who gets rejected is getting external feedback. According to this theory you must first succeed and receive positive feedback before becoming confident. What happens If you are trying something you never succeeded in? do you not even try? do you have no confidence? Nope, because past success in things you've never tried is the feedback you need to try things you've never done before. If you bust your ass or put the effort in you'll either do it or come pretty damn close. And you can't gain this knowledge until you've actually busted your ass in the past and done something or come pretty damn close. Feedback is required. When you are confident you are able to pursue goals and overcome obstacles in your life not because you have any valid reason/proof to, but because you believe in yourself...you know that you can very likely accomplish it, that you'll figure out some way and If you don't then you try again and figure something out. It comes from not giving up on yourself, not making excuses, not letting society and statistics determine how you value yourself and determine your self-worth, or the next course of action. "Confidence," or as you describe it, a bias for action, is an attribute in itself that is developed from external feedback. This "belief in yourself" is developed from repeatedly trying, and succeeding...you only know that you can very likely accomplish something because you've accomplished things in the past... I think you take this for granted because you developed this bias for action at a young age...
USMCHokie Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I was very confident in the gym before I ever had any success, I just knew I was born to lift weights How did you gain this knowledge?
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 He still has his other senses...blind folk can hear feedback...deaf folk can see it...and those who are blind and deaf still have their senses of smell, taste, and touch. I'm sure there are processes in place for them to receive external stimuli. External stimuli, yes. But external doesn't not necessarily mean positive reinforcement. Can the three remaining senses encourage confidence in him? "Mmmmmm....these taters' is good. I am feeling so f@$king confident..." Let's say he got his sight and hearing back. Hooray! Based on your conclusion, external stimuli is the sole reason for confidence. Ass-u-me-ing you mean positive external stimuli and reinforcement. Without it, there cannot be confidence. Which brings us to one of the primary reasons of confidence..... Is the glass half full or empty?
brahmabull117 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 How did you gain this knowledge? I just had it inside of me. I can't really explain it I was bench pressing 225 LBs before most kids were doing 135 and it was all internal
ThaWholigan Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Maybe we do take whatever external validation we are receiving (blindly) for granted, but the point that I want to make really is that it shouldn't be an excuse for people to complain that they aren't getting what they want in life. External validation, or lack of it, shouldn't make anyone become bitter or depressed or whatever. This is just something I'm staunch about. It annoys me to see people complain all the time about stuff they can change. And articles like this perpetuate that complaining nature. That's just the way I feel about it.
Author Necromancer Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 You know how there is always some group of male friends, that has this one guy friend that hasn't gotten laid just yet? Possibly due to his lack of confidence, so they hire a prostitute for him? They are like "Dude, we need to get you laid" Then, when the prostitute does her job, all of a sudden the guy is walking out of the bedroom struttin' his stuff. It would be because he is unattractive. If you are unattractive, you will not get positive response from women therefor with no success and only failures you will not believe in yourself ( at least it will be allot harder ). Buying prostitute is no success hahah
USMCHokie Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I just had it inside of me. I can't really explain it I was bench pressing 225 LBs before most kids were doing 135 and it was all internal The bolded above is external validation. You saw other kids benching considerably less than you, so you concluded that you were better in the gym than they are.
USMCHokie Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Look, there is a huge difference between those that go seeking validation and those that don't. The confident ones don't look for validation or give a damn whether you like it or not. I outlined this earlier, they will get noticed without ever looking for it. Correct. They already got it earlier in life and have formed the foundation of their self-worth, so they don't need to actively seek it as adults.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I agree with Hokie here. I don't have much to go on but my own life. When I was in my first year of college, I was going crazy with anxiety before taking my first exam. I aced it. I aced the next one too. I felt less and less anxiety every time after that. In my final year, I was so chilled before an exam that I couldn't relate at all at other students freaking out. And you know why? Because of my past successes, I was completely confident in my academic ability. Now, have I failed most of the exams in the past, I imagine I would feel FAR, FAR less confident. Confidence in my ability came purely from external feedback (marks and teachers). Sure, confidence is very important but it doesn't just appear out of thin air. This translates into every area of life. If you have always been repeated failure with opposite sex, you sure as hell are not going to be confident in asking them out and keeping their interest.
mortensorchid Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 There is a difference between self confidence (or lack of) and insecurities (or lack of). Self confidence comes from experiences, knowledge and time going on, it can change over time. Insecurities are things that we are never able to overcome, such as a body issue, and they will always be in the back of our minds as to what is or isn't true. Sometimes we are irrational about them, but confidence is something we tend not to be irrational about.
USMCHokie Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 External stimuli, yes. But external doesn't not necessarily mean positive reinforcement. Can the three remaining senses encourage confidence in him? "Mmmmmm....these taters' is good. I am feeling so f@$king confident..." External validation from other people, not necessarily from everything in the environment. Based on your conclusion, external stimuli is the sole reason for confidence. Ass-u-me-ing you mean positive external stimuli and reinforcement. Without it, there cannot be confidence. Nope, it includes negative feedback and reinforcement as well. That negative feedback can be motivation for improvement, e.g., getting bad grades on an exam means you have to study harder... Which brings us to one of the primary reasons of confidence..... Is the glass half full or empty? I don't understand what you're getting at here...
brahmabull117 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 The bolded above is external validation. You saw other kids benching considerably less than you, so you concluded that you were better in the gym than they are. ...except that I couldn't have done that weight if I wasn't so confident in the first place confidence before feedback
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 It would be because he is unattractive. If you are unattractive, you will not get positive response from women therefor with no success and only failures you will not believe in yourself ( at least it will be allot harder ). Buying prostitute is no success hahah Everyone has seen an "ugly" dude by what society, genetics, anthropology has deemed to be that with a smoking chick. The single and unsuccessful hater will immediately think hooker, he has money, it's his sister/cousin, or anything else to validate their choice to reinforce that it is not their fault for their position.
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 External validation from other people, not necessarily from everything in the environment. Nope, it includes negative feedback and reinforcement as well. That negative feedback can be motivation for improvement, e.g., getting bad grades on an exam means you have to study harder... I don't understand what you're getting at here... The point is that the external stimuli has little to do with the results. It is the interpretation of the external stimuli and reaction to it. 1
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