Ladydrib Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Tonight I feel victimized. Like he targeted me, preped me, and sold me his BS. Yes I'm responsible for buying it, but is it a bad quality to believe in love and trust people? He is the bad one. So I'm going to say everything that love blinded me to. If I say it enough, perhaps I'll fall out of love. At a minimum - we can get a few laughs. He is an old man.. What on Earth was I thinking??? At best he has 10 years left before I'd be taking care of him! I'm not going to have to change his diapers now that I've moved on. He always promised so much, but never did anything. What a lazy loser. He must have been quite the con man for me to believe his lies. He had no empathy, when he'd hurt me, he had no concern for how I felt. I have found out that colleges at work did not like him because he messed with people's heads. If that's not telling... He was not man enough to fix what was broken (either that or nothing was broken and he was simply a liar) He played games to get what he wanted - not caring that it came with the expense of ruining my life. He can take his bald head, turkey neck, and facade marriage and be miserable without someone to fill his voids. I hope no one ever looks past the disgusting man he really is again and that everyone stays away from him, never putting themselves in the position I have. Good chance they won't. I'm a bit naive and I think most people will see through his cellophane soul. 1
Author Ladydrib Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 If you have anything to vent - share it too!
Mount Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 How long was the affair lasting? How older is he than you? I kind of have the similar situation as yours, and I was just hardening my heart trying to end the A this afternoon.
Author Ladydrib Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 He is 20 years older than me. We've known each other for three years but were only mixed up in an affair for 1.5 years.
whichwayisup Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 but is it a bad quality to believe in love and trust people? No it isn't a bad quality, but I do think a married person, (MM or MW) should not be trusted as you (general you) KNOW they are lying to their spouses every single day during the A. Affairs aren't based on honesty, and all affairs are ON the expense of the BS. Accept that you made a big mistake by believing your MM. Some MM (and MW) are really good and skilled liars. Not malciously but selfishly.. They know exactly what to say and what buttons to push so they get their way. He led you to believe that he was someone else. He isn't the person you built him up to be..He lied to you and has many faults/flaws. It's good you're in NC and out of the affair. You can grieve and heal, go on with your life, find a guy who will adore ONLY you and treat you like a queen. Not someone who will only make time for you on his time frame. 2
MissBee Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Tonight I feel victimized. Like he targeted me, preped me, and sold me his BS. Yes I'm responsible for buying it, but is it a bad quality to believe in love and trust people? He is the bad one. So I'm going to say everything that love blinded me to. If I say it enough, perhaps I'll fall out of love. At a minimum - we can get a few laughs. He is an old man.. What on Earth was I thinking??? At best he has 10 years left before I'd be taking care of him! I'm not going to have to change his diapers now that I've moved on. He always promised so much, but never did anything. What a lazy loser. He must have been quite the con man for me to believe his lies. He had no empathy, when he'd hurt me, he had no concern for how I felt. I have found out that colleges at work did not like him because he messed with people's heads. If that's not telling... He was not man enough to fix what was broken (either that or nothing was broken and he was simply a liar) He played games to get what he wanted - not caring that it came with the expense of ruining my life. He can take his bald head, turkey neck, and facade marriage and be miserable without someone to fill his voids. I hope no one ever looks past the disgusting man he really is again and that everyone stays away from him, never putting themselves in the position I have. Good chance they won't. I'm a bit naive and I think most people will see through his cellophane soul. @ bald head, turkey neck. It's a bad quality to believe in people waving red flags. Fine line between love and naivety. Most of us have traveled that road though and learned the hard way. I guess as a rule, if someone is married or otherwise with someone else and is lying and secretly dating you....you should be concerned about their character and about whether or not you're investing in a sham. But vent away....after my ex and I broke up, I listed his bad qualities so that I could take him off the pedestal.I still have that list, came across it in my email and it was hilarious and all true I make it a point now, that as I'm dating a man I am attuned to what I like and don't like and I also have my list of values and what I need in a relationship, as in the non-negotiables and then what I want that are negotiable. That way I can keep my feet on the ground and fall inlove based on it being a good fit and not just feelings. Unfortunately, attachment doesn't come with a logic check, so we have to cultivate that self control ourselves as, as we see, we can allow ourselves to believe in and fall for completely unsuitable people if we aren't careful. 1
Mount Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Somehow yours is similar as mine. My MM is 18 y/o elder than me, knew each other so far for 3 years, and just started actual affair from the end of May '12. But I decided to end it today by asking him if he would leave wife/marrige since I knew he would not. So we both agree to stop the A. He is 20 years older than me. We've known each other for three years but were only mixed up in an affair for 1.5 years.
iambookworm Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Tonight I feel victimized. Like he targeted me, preped me, and sold me his BS. Yes I'm responsible for buying it, but is it a bad quality to believe in love and trust people? He is the bad one. So I'm going to say everything that love blinded me to. If I say it enough, perhaps I'll fall out of love. At a minimum - we can get a few laughs. He is an old man.. What on Earth was I thinking??? At best he has 10 years left before I'd be taking care of him! I'm not going to have to change his diapers now that I've moved on. He always promised so much, but never did anything. What a lazy loser. He must have been quite the con man for me to believe his lies. He had no empathy, when he'd hurt me, he had no concern for how I felt. I have found out that colleges at work did not like him because he messed with people's heads. If that's not telling... He was not man enough to fix what was broken (either that or nothing was broken and he was simply a liar) He played games to get what he wanted - not caring that it came with the expense of ruining my life. He can take his bald head, turkey neck, and facade marriage and be miserable without someone to fill his voids. I hope no one ever looks past the disgusting man he really is again and that everyone stays away from him, never putting themselves in the position I have. Good chance they won't. I'm a bit naive and I think most people will see through his cellophane soul. Hear hear! My xMM is about 14 years older, but looks about 30 years older . He is fat and balding, and he fed me his BS too. Lessons learned right? I only found out about his wife after the A. Anyway, karma will get him Somehow yours is similar as mine. My MM is 18 y/o elder than me, knew each other so far for 3 years, and just started actual affair from the end of May '12. But I decided to end it today by asking him if he would leave wife/marrige since I knew he would not. So we both agree to stop the A. yes, please stop it. Especially if he has kids. They will be the ones who will be hurt the most.
scatterd Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 So funny how many of these men are bald, older and have chicken necks? When their wifes married them they probably had hair was young and single. How do they charm you younger woman?I guess they like their egos boosted because of mid life crisis. They put you threw alot when they have mid life crisis.
sally4sara Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Tonight I feel victimized. Like he targeted me, preped me, and sold me his BS. Yes I'm responsible for buying it, but is it a bad quality to believe in love and trust people? He is the bad one. So I'm going to say everything that love blinded me to. If I say it enough, perhaps I'll fall out of love. At a minimum - we can get a few laughs. He is an old man.. What on Earth was I thinking??? At best he has 10 years left before I'd be taking care of him! I'm not going to have to change his diapers now that I've moved on. He always promised so much, but never did anything. What a lazy loser. He must have been quite the con man for me to believe his lies. He had no empathy, when he'd hurt me, he had no concern for how I felt. I have found out that colleges at work did not like him because he messed with people's heads. If that's not telling... He was not man enough to fix what was broken (either that or nothing was broken and he was simply a liar) He played games to get what he wanted - not caring that it came with the expense of ruining my life. He can take his bald head, turkey neck, and facade marriage and be miserable without someone to fill his voids. I hope no one ever looks past the disgusting man he really is again and that everyone stays away from him, never putting themselves in the position I have. Good chance they won't. I'm a bit naive and I think most people will see through his cellophane soul. Careful careful so as to really take this lesson to heart and not make the same mistake again. This didn't happen because you "believe in love and trust people". Believing in love would enter the realm of believing in marriage as a product of love. I would instead spend some time trying to figure out where along the line you decided to ignore commonly known, long standing, well documented things like #1 married people trying to go behind the backs of their spouse to have intimate relations with other people are liars and should not be trusted. #2 when your co-workers know a lot about your personal life it makes you very vulnerable to career failure with that group or company. #3 Old people never get younger. I had a handful of crap relationship choices, none involving affairs with married people but, I did sit down and list all the qualities each had in common with the others as well as what qualities they had in common with my earliest male role models. Scary but helpful insights that helped me make better choices there after.
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