alexa137 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 how much personal info do you tell while dating/getting to know someone? its been 2 weeks and the guy im dating already has noticed my mood swings and recently asked if i am irratated before we went on a date! so now the question? how much do you tell> i mean i have alot of reasons to be irratated etc no job, no money,anger management, bipolar, mood swings, no social life,alot of health issues and recently just found out i have a mass on my breast, which is very aggravating, etc... what do i tell? i like him, not sure if it will turn into a relationship but also not sure if i should explain the situations or what
Author alexa137 Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 oh also have high blood pressure, diabetes, bad choloesterol and had to go to urgent care july 4 for contacting cold sores on my legs either from pool or hersheypark! ugh! FML!
FitChick Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 You shouldn't date until you get your life sorted out. Dating might just add to your problems and you don't need more aggravation.
Author alexa137 Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 yes but i havent dated in 6 years well that was my lasr relationship all this crap started a few years ago i am almost 42 so im supposed to be single and lonely forever??? not fair!!!!!
SweetyBear Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Two weeks is too soon to reveal any of that in my opinion. He will get to know you and decide whether or not he can deal with all of the underlying stuff. Two weeks isn't enough time to know a smidgen of a person, much less be told a bunch of heavy information all at once. I know a lot of people will say you should be upfront and honest about everything, lay all your cards on the table, so to speak, but I think getting to know someone is a lost art. Too much too fast will either scare the other person away, create boredom because they already know everything, or create a false sense of intimacy. I've been reading a lot about that lately. Sometimes we share way too much trying to get "close" to someone. Why, though, is that necessary? I believe real intimacy is created through time and shared experiences, not necessarily by them knowing every facet of your personality and past from the get-go. Just my opinion.
darkmoon Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 (edited) just a little mention maybe - cuz you might seem to give him a list of topics to tip-toe round, he might feel moaned at, see it's not as if he can help you and believe me, as a once sympathetic ear 24/7/365 twice now to two different poeple, well, i know the toll it took on me, i got depressed and also couldn't think straight, if i was in his shoes now with you, i'd suggest professional help instead of any up-dates on the list of topics, i am really sorry about your topics/problems but there's nothing i can do and nor can he, sorry xx Edited July 7, 2012 by darkmoon
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Well you do seem to have your work cut out for you...dating is really a small facet of it in the big picture. Because of your age and series of health problems/mental illnesses you have a unique situation and unfortunately I don't realistically see you going back to the drawing board at this stage in your life completely even though that's what you should do. Especially after being single for 6 years and feeling lonely, It's unfortunate you weren't able to work on your life and sort out at least some of of your problems, then being "ready" for dating, you just have too many things going on. With that being said, I hope that you would focus a lot of your time and effort into your own well-being...your health issues are very concerning and I hope you're seeking medical care for them. I'm not going to tell you what to do exactly...but my advice in your situation is that nobody is obligated to divulge all their health issues upfront and within two weeks. Give yourself time to get to know him, get a better grasp of where this is going, If you feel it's going into a "relationship" mode and you're about to establish exclusivity and commitment then I would sit down and have a talk about at least your mental issues and just say generally you also have health problems that are concerning. I don't want to tell you that you're not allowed to get any loving, I just don't want someone half way in a relationship with you or six months later than then you spill the whole beans and by then you've kind of emotionally trapped him into accepting this situation to a degree. After all this might not turn into anything serious or exclusive anyway and telling him all these personal details of your life would not be appropriate either, it's just irrelevant and leaves you open to unnecessary judgment. Besides, he's going to pick up things like he is already doing...and IF he notices these things then tell him yes, you do have some personal problems that make it difficult to deal with stress. If he presses for more then you can communicate more, IF he doesn't then leave it be. You should know kind of what to share depending on the level of trust and closeness developing...or lack there of. Keep in mind that when you improve your own life the results last and benefit you...when you depend on a man to improve your life, then you end up centering your whole life around him and when he's gone...that life is gone and you're back at square one.
january2011 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Even if you don't tell him about your circumstances, you're going to have to tell him something. And find a way to mitigate your mood swings so that you're at least dateable in the sense of being good company - if you're going to drag another person into your world, at least make them happy to be there. Otherwise, they're not going to stay there long and you'll be back to square one. You don't want that. So what are you going to do about it?
Author alexa137 Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 well there isnt really much i can work on, i mean the health problems are there and really cant be fixed, they are moderated by meds and the being unemployed , ive done everything i can, 300+ applications in 3 years, just have to keep trying i already visited with the mental health staff for about 1/2 year last year I have dated about 4 people since my last relationship(6 yrs ago) but they didnt work out(basically the men didnt want serious relationship) even though they said they did!( on dating profilesetc) well so last night out at dinner, i told him the reason i have mood swings,but the only topic i discussed was the upcoming extensive mamography to check the mass-and that getting old sucks b/c of all the health problems that develop(high blood pressure, choloesterol)
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