Nice codependent guy up for grabs, Not sure who he is though...

[jenbuck69]

Let me stump the pro's and help me with my cesspool that I have helped create...

 

My husband and I met when he was 17 and I being the female was 20, we married in 1996 with high hopes and plans for the future. My parents were abusive alcoholics and his parents were a highly religious babtist couple, but his Dad swung both ways secretly during their marriages(married 3 times, in denial that he is gay i guess)

 

We have since went through losing everything going bankrupt, and constantly being in debt and overdrawn. there was always a good reason and i believed my husband and let him handle things probably alot longer than I should have, but since he made the money I also thought he should handle it since it was his.

 

My husband has a unique gift of bull****, and the hard part is he has a very convincing shell, he is just a nice guy that will listen to you and tell you what you want to hear. Its as if his personality changes to fit in. Whenever I mention that he drank more beer, swore more, acted a different race, or just very fake in front of others and seemed to "perform" in a way. He blames my negative upbringing and how I am very critical, and that he can never do anything right, and how he feels worthless and how hard he works for me and blah, blah, blah.

 

Well, my unfortunate fault is both my parents were abusive alcoholics who beat and belittled me daily, so he claims that is what I was doing in a sense to him.

 

So instead i backed off and started working on me, well I found out I was a mess and needed alot of therapy and counciling and got started reading books.

..... Present day marriage......

 

He has deteriorated to the point where We only enjoy hanging out when we are both plowed. When you have heated discussion, its supposed to be a two way conversation, he just sits there and has this blank angry stare, nothing changes, I calm down in a few hours, then just a few weeks go by and then its back again, because well nothing changes of course?

He still doesnt have sex with me, and doesnt take me places, surprises nope, flowers no, birthday, christmas? no, He treats me like his buddy that he lives with and occasionally when he is good and drunk and maybe if his equipment works that time of the year, then maybe i might have sex.

 

I am 30 years old Is it ok to leave a marriage to seek professional help because you believe your husband is just going to tell you what you want to hear, never find himself, and make the rest of your life confusing, miserable and lonely, unless you separate for awhile and find yourselves alone.

[soapoperahaven]

well do you really want to live the rest of your life that way didnt think so so there is your answer got to do what is best for you and your sanity i have a similar situation yet i have 3 kids so it is very hard to decide that now i suggest counciling if he wont or it dont work then there is nothing you can do

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by jenbuck69

I am 30 years old Is it ok to leave a marriage to seek professional help because you believe your husband is just going to tell you what you want to hear, never find himself, and make the rest of your life confusing, miserable and lonely, unless you separate for awhile and find yourselves alone.

 

Of course it's OK! It's more than OK - it sounds like the only positive alternative open to you right now.

 

Separate, get the help you need for yourself. Maybe your husband will finally hit bottom and start swimming up someday--maybe you will even inspire him. But do it for yourself. You won't always be alone if you don't want to be. Whether you and your husband reconcile someday, or you meet and fall in love with someone else and find yourself in a happy and fulfilling relationship, you need to make positive steps for your own emotional health.

 

I think therapy is a great start - get some tools to help you be independent. Its scary as hell, but often times the scariest/hardest things to do are the most rewarding.

[jenbuck69]

Let me start off by saying, I really despise alot of women, well because we have alot of bad tendencies towards deception, backstabbing, ridicule, sarcasm, critical women with attitude, and you just showed me that conversations with women are very useful.

 

Last night we went to go see Rush, i made a promise to myself to have a good time,,, being with my husband made that impossible 4 me and here is why...

 

The only thing he brought was himself and he was an hour late, so the whole evening was totally rushed, we ate dinner on the back of the car kinda rushed, followed by him driving really fast and people pleasing as he did it, then sittng in traffic because he failed to plan where he was going...

 

Basically it hit me last night, he is a really nice guy with no foresight, planning skills, or organization, and on top of that he is completely codependent, and he is never going to change.

 

So i ended our marriage at a Rush concert,,, last night..

 

I am moving to my parents house in Idaho.

 

Thank u for the best advice i have gotten so far,,, to follow my heart..

 

 

jenn

[benskrewd2]

They all have the convincing gift of bull****. if u have no kids, leave NOW. He won't change- y should he when he has some-1 like u 2 take it and come back for more. U go find yourself....don't worry if he does or doesn't..u can't make that decision 4 him. Life is too short 2 put up with that.