Girlboots Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Hi, I'm new here. I've been really upset lately. I had this friend I was really close to, and we were friends, and we talked everyday, saw each other almost everyday, and we sometimes fought, but we always made up, and we kissed once, but we got over that, and we would cuddle and we still somehow both knew we were just friends. Well, this guy at first tells me he's so happy im in his life because he was lonely before me. He cries one day when he thinks he's going to lose me, and I comforted him. One day something happens. A friend pranks him, and I think he likes her. I had nothing to do with the prank, but he somehow thinks I was involved in it. I told him I didn't , and he says it's fine and he seems to move on. Well, after the prank, he acts weird. He starts to push me away and we don't talk. I picked up on this, so I gave him space. I only texted him when I needed to. Eventually, I ask him what's going on. Why are you acting this way? He responds a week later with something like: :i just realized i can't be a best friend. its too much emotion. i still loveyou and nobody has ever done what you've done for me. i just can't, maybe i'm not the one" like what the HELL is that? I go off on him. It gets kind of sticky and he says "the prank isn't what did it, but I see you and (my friend) differently after it, but I calmed down and asked him what he expects from our friendship now. He tells me he's not going to tell me how he feels because he doesn't want to. He doesn't even know why he texted me, because it was pointless. He says that to me! Well, I basically tell him ok and to take care. 2 months later, I apologize for anything I might have done wrong. I tell him I'm still here for you and I care. he responds with something like, that's nice to know. I'm not gonna lie about how I feel that wouldn't be right. Sorry for the way I acted too. So, I'm sitting here now like what the ****? What could I have possibly done? Who gets mad at someone over that and ends a friendship? I really want to know what happened, but I've tried so hard and he keeps treating me like I mean nothing. He's really being rude and it's pissing me off. A part of me doesn't want to give up on him because he made me build this bond with him, and another part is like FORGET HIM. I don't know. Help?
Jamie1986 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I think you might have answered your own question there. You kissed this guy you cuddled he cried when he thought he was going to lose you, you talked and saw each other all the time but you conclude "we still somehow both knew we were just friends". He then texts you " just realized i can't be a best friend. its too much emotion. i still loveyou and nobody has ever done what you've done for me. i just can't, maybe i'm not the one". You don't realise that maybe you were more than just a friend to this guy and that's why he was getting upset because you kept him in the friend box?
Author Girlboots Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 I think you might have answered your own question there. You kissed this guy you cuddled he cried when he thought he was going to lose you, you talked and saw each other all the time but you conclude "we still somehow both knew we were just friends". He then texts you " just realized i can't be a best friend. its too much emotion. i still loveyou and nobody has ever done what you've done for me. i just can't, maybe i'm not the one". You don't realise that maybe you were more than just a friend to this guy and that's why he was getting upset because you kept him in the friend box? I never really thought about that. I figured maybe he was upset with the prank, but there was a time when I asked him if we should move forward, and he was hesitating, so I assumed he wanted to remain friends?
Jamie1986 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 You know what they say about assumptions He was very direct in his text. He said he loved you maybe he's not the one. Do you know how hard it is being someone's friend when you are in love with them? You obviously came across as cold to him because he was feeling a lot more than he became cold to you to protect himself. Decide whether you feel the same way or not. If you don't, respect that him being just friends with you would be agony for him and tell him sorry. If you do feel the same way, then he's been very direct about his feelings from what you've said, act on yours. 3
Author Girlboots Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 I don't know. I really feel like he doesn't feel that way about me. Here are some reasons why: -He always talks about other girls -He's madly in love with a girl and he comes to me to tell me how depressed he is about her -He calls me buddy -He likes my best friend, and if me and her are teasing each other on facebook he always takes her side or likes her comment...which is why I feel like he's really upset over the prank I really feel like he's bitter and I want to talk to him in person. Texting isn't getting anywhere, but I feel like any more attempts will come off as desperate and pathetic.
Jamie1986 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I don't know. I really feel like he doesn't feel that way about me. Here are some reasons why: -He always talks about other girls -He's madly in love with a girl and he comes to me to tell me how depressed he is about her -He calls me buddy -He likes my best friend, and if me and her are teasing each other on facebook he always takes her side or likes her comment...which is why I feel like he's really upset over the prank I really feel like he's bitter and I want to talk to him in person. Texting isn't getting anywhere, but I feel like any more attempts will come off as desperate and pathetic. I hate to tell you this but you're losing sight of what's important here. The prank isn't important. That text is - do you seriously think him saying there's too much emotion to be friends, he loves you and maybe he's not the one is a sign of bitterness? Consider the background... you talked all the time you kissed you cuddled, he cried when he thought he was going to lose you. All the signs are there and he said it. Please don't go away and hurt him even more by pretending this is about bitterness. If he was bitter he'd gladly tell you that after this and that he doesn't want to be friends. He wouldn't pretend he's in love with you.... 1
Author Girlboots Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 (edited) I hate to tell you this but you're losing sight of what's important here. The prank isn't important. That text is - do you seriously think him saying there's too much emotion to be friends, he loves you and maybe he's not the one is a sign of bitterness? Consider the background... you talked all the time you kissed you cuddled, he cried when he thought he was going to lose you. All the signs are there and he said it. Please don't go away and hurt him even more by pretending this is about bitterness. If he was bitter he'd gladly tell you that after this and that he doesn't want to be friends. He wouldn't pretend he's in love with you.... Well, the first text of course wasn't bitterness, but the ones after. Saying things like "that's not what did it, but I see you differently now" and saying "that's nice" after I tell him I still care. I don't want to hurt him. That's the last thing I want to do, I just find it very hard to believe he's doing this because he likes me? Like I said, I want to talk to him in person and figure things out, but I don't know if that's coming off as desperate. And the actual text said something like: "I had a sudden realization, I can't be a best friend. There's just too much emotion involved. I thought I could do it, but I can't. You've done more for me than anyone has ever done and I still love you. Thats basically it" This is after him acting really cold towards me and I ask him what's going on. Someone who likes me wouldn't say that. After that text, he started talking to me like I don't mean anything to him. Like I'm some random girl he just met at the club or something Edited July 7, 2012 by Girlboots
favoritepills Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I agree with the others in this thread, I think he's in love with you and is forcing himself to get over it by distancing himself from you. My theory is that he thought his feelings were reciprocated (or getting there), but then the prank happened and he was humiliated and thought, "If she liked me she would never do this to me." So now he's trying to get over you. (If you told us what the prank actually was, we'd be able to give you better advice.) You could ask him to clarify his feelings, but I don't think anything he could say would make it clearer. He's been direct enough about it already. -He always talks about other girls -He's madly in love with a girl and he comes to me to tell me how depressed he is about her -He calls me buddy -He likes my best friend, and if me and her are teasing each other on facebook he always takes her side or likes her comment...which is why I feel like he's really upset over the prank My boyfriend says these are classic behaviors of a guy who feels friendzoned and is trying to either A) make you jealous or B) make you realize he's a guy who has romantic feelings and desires, and consider that he might have those feelings for you too. If you feel the same way about him, tell him before it's too late and also apologize for any hurt feelings you might have caused. If you're not interested in him romantically, just let him go through his process.
Author Girlboots Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 (edited) I agree with the others in this thread, I think he's in love with you and is forcing himself to get over it by distancing himself from you. My theory is that he thought his feelings were reciprocated (or getting there), but then the prank happened and he was humiliated and thought, "If she liked me she would never do this to me." So now he's trying to get over you. (If you told us what the prank actually was, we'd be able to give you better advice.) You could ask him to clarify his feelings, but I don't think anything he could say would make it clearer. He's been direct enough about it already. My boyfriend says these are classic behaviors of a guy who feels friendzoned and is trying to either A) make you jealous or B) make you realize he's a guy who has romantic feelings and desires, and consider that he might have those feelings for you too. If you feel the same way about him, tell him before it's too late and also apologize for any hurt feelings you might have caused. If you're not interested in him romantically, just let him go through his process. I'll explain the prank... April 1st, my best friend (the one he likes) decided to prank him. She knows he had feelings for her, so I said don't do it. I told her it was a stupid idea. She waited until I left to prank him, she said she told him I was missing and she was looking for me...then she said april fools and he was like "im not amused" He didn't take it very well, and she told me she should've listened to me. I texted him later on and asked if he's ok. He said the pranked ruined his night, and I told him I had nothing to do with it and I even told him I told her not to do it but she didn't listen. He said it's ok and said he was going to bed. After that, he just acted weird like I said. Distancing himself from me...keeping our convos short. BTW! We always say I love you, so it wasn't like he was saying he was in love with me. We always say it to each other. I just read it over to see why you guys were saying "hes being direct", and him saying I love you isn't something new. Edited July 7, 2012 by Girlboots
Jamie1986 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I'll explain the prank... BTW! We always say I love you, so it wasn't like he was saying he was in love with me. We always say it to each other. I just read it over to see why you guys were saying "hes being direct", and him saying I love you isn't something new. Why are you refusing to listen to what he's told you? You typed it out twice! "I had a sudden realization, I can't be a best friend. There's just too much emotion involved." You and him saying 'love you' may not be something new - but by the by its incredibly silly and dangerous to use that word lightly if you don't want someone to get the wrong impression - but him saying there's too much emotion to be best friends certainly is! 2
Author Girlboots Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 Why are you refusing to listen to what he's told you? You typed it out twice! "I had a sudden realization, I can't be a best friend. There's just too much emotion involved." You and him saying 'love you' may not be something new - but by the by its incredibly silly and dangerous to use that word lightly if you don't want someone to get the wrong impression - but him saying there's too much emotion to be best friends certainly is! I do love him, just not that way. I would be open to having a relationship with him, I'm sure the feelings will develop later on. So, what do I do now? How do I speak to someone who doesn't want to talk to me?
Jamie1986 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 That's why you're refusing to listen - it isn't what you want to hear because you don't feel the same. I'm sorry to say this but this guy is right to walk away and you should let him. You expect him to give you unrequited love and suffer all the agony that brings in the off chance you may feel the same in the future? And you plan to do what, get into a relationship and fake having the same feelings as he does towards you? This isn't sounding a very friendly approach at all. If you're truly his friend be honest and say sorry but you don't feel the same way and respect his decision not to be in a friendship with someone he's in love with. 2
Author Girlboots Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 I guess you're right. I'm going to leave it alone even though it's hard
Frank13 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I guess you're right. I'm going to leave it alone even though it's hard Please listen to Jamie. Having been in the situation of your guy friend, I can tell you that Jamie and favoritepills are right on the mark. Either way you should talk to him. If you are "sure the feelings will develope later on" for the guy and want to give it a go, let the guy know and give him the choice to give it a try. If you don't feel the same and don't think you ever will, tell him so and let him go. In my case, I tried to move on with another girl and my friend got jealous to the point of us getting in a fight over it. It upset me so much that my friend didn't want more with me, but criticized me for trying to move on with someone else. She then followed up with texts attacking me and blaming me for things. I immediately went No Contact. I hoped she would either realize she had feelings for me and wanted to give us a try, or would understand where I was coing from and tell me good bye. She did neither. Maybe she saw things as you did, but I took it to mean she didn't care about me. In any case, neither one of us ever contacted the other again. It hurt that I wasn't even worth a good bye. To this day I don't know if she hates me, thinks I hate her, stayed NC for my benefit, or simply doesn't care (I think it is the last one). In the end it didn't matter because I cared about her too much to stay friends, and I believed she cared too little to even say good bye. If you care about the guy at all, contact him one more time and give a relationship a try if you think it will work out, or tell him good bye. It would have meant a lot to me if my friend had done that.
Frank13 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Girlboots, your story is so similar to mine, ie seeing each other almost every day, talking every day, fighting but making up, etc, that I had to re-read it several times to be sure your weren't talking about me. As I mentioned, I have been in the situation of your guy friend so let me comment. :i just realized i can't be a best friend. its too much emotion. i still love you and nobody has ever done what you've done for me. i just can't, maybe i'm not the one" Translation - He has more than friend feelings for you so it is hard to be just a friend to you. He compliments you having done things for him that no one else has (letting you know you mean a lot to him). "maybe I'm not the one", means he thinks you don't feel the same about him so is telling you that he realizes he is not "the guy" for you. By using "maybe" he is leaving the door open in case you do have feelings for him. Had he just said "I am not the one", he knows it could be taken that he is rejecting you. like what the HELL is that? See above. He specifically says "it's too much emotion". Someone wouldn't say that if they didn't care about you or wanted out of the friendship because they didn't like you. In that case there would be no emotions. I go off on him. It gets kind of sticky and he says "the prank isn't what did it, but I see you and (my friend) differently after it, but I calmed down and asked him what he expects from our friendship now. He tells me he's not going to tell me how he feels because he doesn't want to. He doesn't even know why he texted me, because it was pointless. He says that to me! When you went off on him he probably took it to mean you don't think much of him. Of course he doesn't want to lay his heart out and tell you how he feels after you went off on him. It makes him think you don't feel the same and he doesn't want to be rejected. He probably feels it is better to suspect he would be rejected than to know for sure. I could see where you may think him saying it was "pointless to text" was but, but it was probably him wanting you to tell him it wasn't. It is kind of like someone you get in a fight with, who then wants to patch things up, saying "I know you hate me" in hopes you to tell him that you don't. Well, I basically tell him ok and to take care. 2 months later, I apologize for anything I might have done wrong. I tell him I'm still here for you and I care. That was a good move. I wish my ex best friend had done that. he responds with something like, that's nice to know. I'm not gonna lie about how I feel that wouldn't be right. Sorry for the way I acted too. So, I'm sitting here now like what the ****? What could I have possibly done? Who gets mad at someone over that and ends a friendship? I really want to know what happened, but I've tried so hard and he keeps treating me like I mean nothing. He's really being rude and it's pissing me off. I don't think he was mad and ended the friendship over that. He knows you don't think of him as more than a friend so he is just trying to be polite. I don't see anything rude about that. He even apologized. Not sure about the "I'm not gonna lie about how I feel that wouldn't be right." unless he means in regards to apologizing. A part of me doesn't want to give up on him because he made me build this bond with him, and another part is like FORGET HIM. I don't know. Help? I wonder if my ex best friend thought like that but she just decided on the "FORGET HIM" part. I wished she didn't. I still miss her and think about her at least a little everyday. 1
Frank13 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 You and him saying 'love you' may not be something new - but by the by its incredibly silly and dangerous to use that word lightly if you don't want someone to get the wrong impression - but him saying there's too much emotion to be best friends certainly is! Plus, loving someone as a friend, or like a brother or sister, is completely different than being in love with someone.
Frank13 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I never really thought about that. I figured maybe he was upset with the prank, but there was a time when I asked him if we should move forward, and he was hesitating, so I assumed he wanted to remain friends? He may have hesitated because he knew he had feelings for you but you didn't for him (at least at that point) and he didn't want to get hurt. He may have also been hesitating to see if you cared enough to try to pursue something. You didn't say he said "No". You said he hesitated. I would have hesitated too until I could figure out if it was worth getting hurt to take a chance.
Author Girlboots Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 I read the responses, and I honestly dont I feel in my heart that he feels that way about me, but I'm going to speak to him at the end of this week and I'll update you guys. It just so hard to believe that someone who tries so hard to push me away and shows me they don't care is doing it because they love me, but like I said, I'm not going to be closed minded. He always shows me this uncaring cold side, but he usually comes to my house to apologize about it and we work on it. I'm expecting it to end in disaster and making me feel even more like ****. I don't know how to approach him. I'm a bit angry about how he ended our friendship without carefully explaining it to me...I mean he texted me all this and his texts are confusing as hell and when I tell him maybe talking to me in person was better he's like "maybe it was, but I didn't do that". So, I don't want to sound angry, and at the same time, I don't want to ask him if he has feelings for me and then him saying no and looking at me like I'm crazy. He went through so much effort to push me away, so him admitting it so easily won't be that simple.
Author Girlboots Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 When you went off on him he probably took it to mean you don't think much of him. Of course he doesn't want to lay his heart out and tell you how he feels after you went off on him. It makes him think you don't feel the same and he doesn't want to be rejected. He probably feels it is better to suspect he would be rejected than to know for sure. I could see where you may think him saying it was "pointless to text" was but, but it was probably him wanting you to tell him it wasn't. It is kind of like someone you get in a fight with, who then wants to patch things up, saying "I know you hate me" in hopes you to tell him that you don't. I really never thought of that. I feel pretty bad now. After reading this, I can understand why he's acting so cold, and it's probably because I made him feel so crappy after he opened up to me about how he felt. I don't think he was mad and ended the friendship over that. He knows you don't think of him as more than a friend so he is just trying to be polite. I don't see anything rude about that. He even apologized. Not sure about the "I'm not gonna lie about how I feel that wouldn't be right." unless he means in regards to apologizing. To me, that part sounded like he wasn't going to say he cares about me and he'll be there for me, because that would be lying. I think if anything, he thinks I like him and he's trying to create space between us because he doesn't want to lead me on. I wonder if my ex best friend thought like that but she just decided on the "FORGET HIM" part. I wished she didn't. I still miss her and think about her at least a little everyday. Maybe you should talk to her. She probably feels like me...like you don't care and you don't want to be friends. If he talked to me right now and sat me down and showed me he cared, I'd be really happy. I keep forgetting things....I deleted the texts because they were painful. He told me he "I don't know how I feel, but I feel weird. Maybe it's pride" I could not understand what that meant...anyway, again thank you for your replies, it made me think twice about the situation.
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