paloma22 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 (edited) I have been dating a guy for 2 months and things have been going well... Until last night. I noticed the other day that he introduced me to his female friend as his 'friend'.. which is fine, given we haven't had the 'labels' talk yet, but after bringing it up we started talking about what our plans were in the fall. come september, he will be jet setting across the country for school, and is going into a very difficult year. i will be also beginning a very important academic year, where there is no room for error. we both weren't expecting to be in a relationship, let alone have to do long distance. based on how things have been going, i sami-assumed come the fall we would just try to make it work. however when i brought it up to him, he said he wasn't sure if he was ready to make that long distance commitment, and needed to 'think about it'. we are going up to my familys cottage tomorrow the two of us, and this morning he said, "I've thought about it and want to try staying together in the fall"... yet i can't help thinking this is just an excuse to continue putting the inevitable off? i can't afford to get hurt come the fall. Should i just break it off now if i know there is no future for us/ its all just very bad timing? I was hurt by what he said, and it makes me question just how much he likes me. Edited July 6, 2012 by paloma22
january2011 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Hold on. He said he wasn't sure and needed to think about it. He then went off to think about it and said that he's sure. Why choose to believe his first comments but not his second? I'm missing the part where his comments are hurtful. I suspect that you're trying to self-sabotage. Perhaps you were hoping that he'd enthusiastically be all for staying together, even in the fall and his need to be cautious threw you off, despite his latest reassuring comments. And if you haven't had the labels talk yet, then it isn't a surprise that he introduced you as his girlfriend. I think that you need to take him at his word. He has been cautious, yes, but he also appears to have been very open and honest about where you stand. He hasn't said that there's no future or that the timing is off. He's said that he wants to try to stay together. Perhaps it's time to return the openness and honesty. Talk to him about your concerns regarding the labels. Discuss the outline of how it will work in the fall. How you will keep in touch, see each other in-person, etc. Stop self-sabotaging and projecting your own fears onto him. And yes, all things end. But right now, he has told you that he doesn't want it to. And you need to learn to believe him. 1
letsplaynice Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 How do you really know it will end? If you feel healthy and happy in this relationship and you feel it is something you want today and neither of you are hurting anyone else - trust yourself and go with it. Try to let go of what you think will be...because it may never come. If this is not a healthy relationship, let go now and take care of yourself first.
january2011 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 And if you haven't had the labels talk yet, then it isn't a surprise that he introduced you as his girlfriend. Apologies, I meant "friend" not "girlfriend."
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