ChelleBelle08 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Been dating this guy for about a month. Turns out, he was single for only 2-3 weeks, if that when we met. He's been a perfect gentleman, calls me nightly, see each other every other day, until last weekend. He spent the entire weekend with me, and brought up the fact that i asked him awhile back to make sure i'm not a "rebound." He told me he's been thinking about it, and wants to take things slow, (which i though we were doing). He wanted to make sure that we are not exclusive because this has been too fast for him. After that, he took me out to dinner, and stayed with me the entire weekend, holding my hand in public (which he hates) and initiated everything. then i did not hear from him for a few days, in which when he did call he stated he got weird and needed some space. He then proceeded to tell me he likes hanging out with me, but is not sure where this is going yet. (Which, i thought was the point of dating). So therefore, i have stepped back, have not called him or anything in which he has continued to call me. He has spent the past month, initiating pretty much everything. I am not needy, and do not think i have done anything to make him think that. He knows that im not around just for a hook up, but lately im starting to think thats all he wants. We have not had sex, but we do do other things in which he references all the time. I have now not seen him for over a week, but he is still talking to me and talks about seeing me. Should i give up and give him space to be single? I am very confused and unsure what he wants with me. We have so much fun together and get along so well, but he got weird out of nowhere. Im not sure what to do or how to act due to the "he wants to take things slow" comments and him retreating to be alone, and pretty adamant about being able to see other people still. How do I deal with this guy being hot for the entire time we've been dating, and now all of a sudden cold but still wants to see me?
GLDheart Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 You wrote a lot. It all sounds fine except the part about him getting weird and cold. I would ask him why. That will be a good test of his ability to be honest with you. If he can be true to you, then respect whatever he says. If he just lies and avoids the topic, you can now decide what you think about his ability to be honest. 1
USMCHokie Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 "Taking it slow" means that he is banging other women and doesn't want to choose just one of you at the moment. Being "non-exclusive" for some means that having sex with other people isn't cheating. 1
venusianx13 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I've been there... I think you're doing the right thing by stepping back. I had a similar situation where a man I started seeing was all about me for a month or so, and then he got weird and all of a sudden, nothing. I made the mistake of freaking out, asking, insisting he talk to me... well, this put more distance between us, and what I thought was a great dynamic turned into, well, a disaster. Keep doing what you're doing, though...but date other men. Really. I know you like him, but don't put all your eggs in his basket, so to speak. After all, he did insist you not be exclusive.
USMCHokie Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 How do I deal with this guy being hot for the entire time we've been dating, and now all of a sudden cold but still wants to see me? Whoops, didn't answer this question. He still wants to see you because he wants to at least put it in after all the effort and time spent... 1
DuchessKaye Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 (edited) If he's taking things slow including sex then it could mean he really wants to get to know you more and wants to develop a much strong bond before taking what you two have to the next level. He's probably afraid of commitment, has been hurt before and is being cautious. Could be a number of understandable things. But if he says he wants to take things slow but is wanting sex, he's an ass and not someone to bother with. Move on quick! Edited July 6, 2012 by DuchessKaye 1
ThingsAreComplicated Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 (edited) @OP: take things slow means exactly that. Considering your description you are pretty much into the "dating mechanisms" with all the expectations and rules that go along with it. Believe it or not, there are men who just want to get to know a girl without all this bull**** and want to kiss the girl when they want to and not when some rulebook dictates. For me this attitude of expectations was always killing things meaning take things slow Edited July 6, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Civility and respect 1
Author ChelleBelle08 Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 everyone has pretty much said the exact things im thinking. Either he is actually being genuine, or an ass. He has seen the ex recently and she lives a few states away. He told me they are totally over but she is having trouble with it. He has been honest with me, but now i'm not completely sure. He now told me that they are not even talking. I do like him, hence why i am here and worried but i really cannot decide what i should do!
pteromom Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 It sounds to me like he wants you around for sexual release and to ease loneliness, but doesn't want to put any effort in or give anything back. I would walk away from this one. He's not ready for any type of commitment and needs to be on his own for a while. 1
Recommended Posts