Sox Man Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 So I had posted here about being involved with a separated woman I work with. For the past few months she and I have had an incredible time together. She's sweet,funny and beautiful. We both share the same interests. But now, things seem different. She been out of town for 9 days and we've communicated via text a few times. I can't help to believe I'm becoming the rebound guy. I still have feelings for her, and am miserable when she's not around. I can be completely down and a text or a smile turns it all around. I don't think she's using me on purpose, but it still really hurts. I know deep down she's not right for me, but I can't seem to let it go, because part of me thinks she perfect for me. God I love being with this woman! I know it was wrong for me to ever get involved with a still married woman, but now I feel I've fallen too hard. How do I handle this situation guys? She works with me, so completely ignoring her isn't the answer, and we have several mutual friends that we hang out with. I still want to be friends, but I'm not sure I'm at the point where I can leave my emotions/feelings for her out of it. I love the time we spend together golfing,running, eating out etc, but these things just reinforce my "love" for her. Do I just blow her off when she gets back, or do I just sit down and tell her how I feel? I feel like if I break things off completely and tell her I can't do those things with her anymore I will break her heart.
january2011 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I suspect that your confusion comes from your precarious situation. She is not free to love you and give all of herself to you. Therefore, it wouldn't be a surprise that your heart is trying to protect itself by pulling away so that you pull the plug first rather than leaving it to her. I agree that you've fallen very hard for her. It's an addiction and you need to go cold turkey. Unless she divorces, I don't see how you can be together in the open, long-term. The nine days she has been away has probably given you some breathing space to see this situation for what it is. I would suggest that unless you are content to remain in a FWB situation, then yes, you use this as an opportunity to break it off. And take this as a lesson not to put yourself in a situation with a married woman from work. After breaking it off, you need to return to polite disinterest. Perhaps take some time out from the mutual friends as well. In the future, you might be friends again, but you need to accept that if she doesn't want that, there's is nothing you can do about it.
Author Sox Man Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 I know this is probably the wrong thing to think at this point, but her divorce is imminent. I would love to see where things could go in the future, but I'm not even sure that's feasible now. I don't want to burn my bridges as they say, and I don't want to hurt her either. She told me she would probably miss me more than I would miss her, and that meant a lot. Did I just fall for a line or is she just messed up from her breakup? I don't want to be another guy that's rejected her either.
january2011 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I think that you both know that the writing is on the wall with this "relationship." However, I suspect that neither of you want to be the bad guy. However, someone has to bite the bullet and get on with it. Better to do it now so that you can work on salvaging your professional life and prepare for a potential friendship in the future, than to wait for it to blow up in your face in a very public way.
Author Sox Man Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 The other problem is that she's a great friend. Most of my friends are married or work all the time, so I don't have anyone to spend time with. We innocently started going to dinner together, played golf, running etc, and it went from there. I'm so lonely without her around. (She's been out of town for 10 days and comes back tomorrow.) I feel as if I cut things off all together, I'll be even more lonely. I'm a pretty sociable guy. It's just that all my friends have their own lives. This entire situation is breaking my heart. There is another girl that's new on our floor. We've spoken once or twice on our floor, but the other night, I had happened to sit beside her at a table where a big group of people from work were watching some live music at a local restaurant. We talk throughout the night. The problem is she and this other girl work on my floor and we have mutual friends. I don't want them both to think I'm going out with this other girl to make the other one jealous. That's not fair to either one of them. If the 1st girl was just "some other girl" this wouldn't be so difficult. But she's not just some other girl. Her divorce is right around the corner. I wonder if there's any chance of salvaging this relationship, or if I should just let it go.
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