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Your fights with your mate and how y'all resolved them?

BetheButterfly

By BetheButterfly
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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BetheButterfly Established Member

BetheButterfly

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My hubby and I fought on July 3rd. :)

 

He is a health freak... his second home is the gym.

I am not a health freak but do enjoy being healthy, and yes I go to the gym with my hubby 3 days a week (he would prefer 4 or 5 but I'm not there yet).

 

My family has the tendency of overeating. My Mom has struggled with her weight during/after having 4 daughters, and eating has always been something that she (and I) love to do!

 

Well, one of the things we loved to do before she got on Weight Watchers and I moved out of my parents' home, was eating chocolate chip cookie dough: YUM!!! :bunny: My Dad always expressed the concern that if the eggs are bad, we could get sick. As far as I can remember, we never got sick, but anyways....

 

I have gotten into a habit that horrifies my wonderful health-conscious hubby. I have started taking a big spoonful of butter, heating it up in the microwave, and mixing it with white flower and brown sugar for a tasty treat around "teatime". He HATES that.

 

Well, last week he was going to hide the flour from me! I said no no no. So he didn't. However, on July 2nd I had eaten some and didn't feel good. Then, guess what he did? HE THREW THE FLOUR AWAY without telling me! I found out the next day when I was looking for it. I looked everywhere!

 

I forgot though. (I forget easily.) When he got home from work, we had fun chasing each other around the house, but when he started taking out the trash, I remembered and got mad at him. When I confronted him about "Where is my flour!?", he confessed. I then threatened to throw away his brown sugar that he likes for his coffee and tea. His face fell. I couldn't. (My parents have taught me too well not to waste anything anyways.)

 

So, I start getting ready to go to the gym, acting very cold. (I am not normally like that, except when I'm mad.) He sits me down and asks me to explain cause he still doesn't understand why I'm mad. He said he thinks eating uncooked white flour can make a person sick (I don't know?) and he just wanted to take care of me. I informed him that I'm not his daughter; I can most definitely eat what I want to, and I didn't appreciate him throwing away something that I was using. He could just give me information about his concerns and I will make my own decision thank you very much.

 

Finally, he understood and apologized. I was fine by then too, because all throughout the conversation, he was holding my hand and gazing puppy-dog-like into my eyes. I can't resist him when he does that. :)

 

He even offered to buy me more white flour, but I told him, ok, if it's that important to you, I won't eat that little treat anymore. Instead, I'd eat a whole wheat bread round and honey as a snack, so we went to the store and bought honey. :)

 

So, basically what helped us resolve this little fight are the following:

 

1. Caring for the other person.

2. Communicating with touch and love expressed.

3. Attempting to understand the other's point of view.

4. Substituting something that is considered a better substitute by both sides

5. Forgiving, making up :bunny:, and moving on with happiness!

 

We went to the gym and had a great time, before going to the store to get my honey (and no flour).

 

What is a fight you have had with your mate, and how did y'all resolve it?

Edited by BetheButterfly
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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We use a lot of humor to keep small annoyances from becoming fights.

 

When there is a bigger disagreement (rarely), we have multiple talks, progressively getting closer to understanding each other's point of view, and the underlying reasons for the conflict. We tend to really deal with stuff, and then it is done--not to return.

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Krytie TV Established Member

Krytie TV

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I call her a stupid b*tch and she calls me a f*ckwad, and then we end up having angry sex soon after. All better.

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pink_sugar Established Member

pink_sugar

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I can actually relate to this. I am the health freak dispite coming from a family where weight has always been an issue, so I have to be very careful of what i eat. My husband was very skinny when we met, about my weight. However he has put on nearly 30 pounds in 5 years. He needed some weight, but he also had very bad eating habits and hardly ate fruit or veggies and a lot of soda. He has a bit of a small gut now. I've told him 30 pounds is a lot and if he continued his eatin habits without exercising, the pounds will continue to creep up the older he gets and the more the metabolism slows. I also explained to him my concerns about his soda habit, because you hear about all the risks and side effects. We've fought over it many times and i admit I can be a bit overbearing, but he continues to get fattening drinks while I am not home and on top of that he sometimes drinks a lot of sugary juice. He doesn't drink alcohol, so I am certain the belly is from the high sugar intakes. Thankfully he has cut back and is working out more and hikes with me each weekend. Have you thought about also using whole wheat flour instead of white flour? I am glad you guys are working it out. Moderation is key.

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

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We haven't fought in what feels like forever. If something annoys the other person, we talk about it right away and resolve it. In doing so, it doesn't escalate due to repressed resentment.

 

Most recent weirdness, I noticed whenever he dressed Bumpy, it was in the same colours as he was wearing. I have this weird issue with the twin thing (it annoys me), so I asked him why he did this. H was really surprised. It wasn't intentional. So now he only dresses Bump in the same colours just to bug me! Such a jerk. :laugh:

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january2011 Established Member

january2011

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One of us takes a step back so that it doesn't escalate - we can both get very passionate about certain issues and have learned to recognise each other's trigger points. When we're both relatively calm, we talk through what the fight was really about. Sometimes, it will take more than one discussion to resolve an issue. Sometimes, we acknowledge that it's never going to be resolved and it's going to be an ongoing issue for the foreseeable future - these we agree to disagree on and work out a way to move forward in a way that's conducive to the relationship.

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BetheButterfly Established Member

BetheButterfly

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I can actually relate to this. I am the health freak dispite coming from a family where weight has always been an issue, so I have to be very careful of what i eat. My husband was very skinny when we met, about my weight. However he has put on nearly 30 pounds in 5 years. He needed some weight, but he also had very bad eating habits and hardly ate fruit or veggies and a lot of soda. He has a bit of a small gut now. I've told him 30 pounds is a lot and if he continued his eatin habits without exercising, the pounds will continue to creep up the older he gets and the more the metabolism slows. I also explained to him my concerns about his soda habit, because you hear about all the risks and side effects. We've fought over it many times and i admit I can be a bit overbearing, but he continues to get fattening drinks while I am not home and on top of that he sometimes drinks a lot of sugary juice. He doesn't drink alcohol, so I am certain the belly is from the high sugar intakes. Thankfully he has cut back and is working out more and hikes with me each weekend. Have you thought about also using whole wheat flour instead of white flour? I am glad you guys are working it out. Moderation is key.

 

 

It's a good idea, to use whole wheat flour. We have tried wheat flour tortillas, but I don't like those at all! I am glad that my hubby is a health freak, because I think he most definitely helps me to not get overweight, which is something some people in my family struggle with, sadly. My grandpa, for example, is overweight and has diabetes, so it is so important for me to take care of myself. I am not mad at all at my hubby anymore for what he did in throwing away the white flour. What bothered me was that he did that without talking to me about it and asking. We understand each other better now, and I'm trying to cut back on wheat and sugar.

 

Thanks for your good post! It's great for a couple to encourage each other to be healthy!!!

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BetheButterfly Established Member

BetheButterfly

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We haven't fought in what feels like forever. If something annoys the other person, we talk about it right away and resolve it. In doing so, it doesn't escalate due to repressed resentment.

 

Most recent weirdness, I noticed whenever he dressed Bumpy, it was in the same colours as he was wearing. I have this weird issue with the twin thing (it annoys me), so I asked him why he did this. H was really surprised. It wasn't intentional. So now he only dresses Bump in the same colours just to bug me! Such a jerk. :laugh:

 

Who's Bumpy? Just curious :)

 

Sounds like my hubby... he does some things just to annoy me, like putting my hair in my face, because once he did that and I said "It's ok", so now he does it saying it's ok. :p Silly hubby!

 

I have my revenge though ha ha ha. My husband hates it when I have a cup of liquid in my hand and hug him. He's afraid I'm going to spill on him, though I never have. So, I like to chase him around the house with a cup of liquid! :p

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threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

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Who's Bumpy? Just curious :)
Our little toddler. Started to call him Bump on LS while he was still in the womb and it progressed to real life, as a nickname.

 

Sounds like my hubby... he does some things just to annoy me, like putting my hair in my face, because once he did that and I said "It's ok", so now he does it saying it's ok. :p Silly hubby!

 

I have my revenge though ha ha ha. My husband hates it when I have a cup of liquid in my hand and hug him. He's afraid I'm going to spill on him, though I never have. So, I like to chase him around the house with a cup of liquid! :p

It's part of the beauty of any relationship. The ability to gently tease, laugh a lot and have fun together. :love:
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BetheButterfly Established Member

BetheButterfly

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Our little toddler. Started to call him Bump on LS while he was still in the womb and it progressed to real life, as a nickname.

 

Aww!!! Precious!!! :)

 

It's part of the beauty of any relationship. The ability to gently tease, laugh a lot and have fun together. :love:

 

Yep!!! Very Important!!!

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