JHparkes Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I have been seeing a guy a month and I want to stay distanced in how I feel for a good while yet. How do I maintain the distance in my heart and head and not let my barriers down? I don't want to rush and feel as though I have "fallen in love" and then get hurt. I'd rather wait until he reveals himself fully before I let myself fall. How do I do this though? Also is it too much to see them four nights in the beginning?
Algermas Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Well for one I don't view women as people so that makes it fairly easy. Also the knowledge that women see vulnerabilities and being open as weaknesses to be exploited helps.
Philosoraptor Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Life is simply a big calculated risk. We determine what is worth risking ourselves for. If you feel like the reward of putting yourself out there is worth the risk then do so. If not, it shouldn't be hard to hold back. But would you really want to be with someone you felt the need to hold back from? 1
Joaquin Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 (edited) Girls who are guarded are, IMO, and for the time being, broken and shouldn't be in relationships. Yes you don't move in, Spout I love yous, get heavy with planning the new house etc etc after just a few weeks or months, but be very careful, if a guy has an ounce of experience he will sense you are holding back emotionally and putting up barriers, and he will likely interpret it as you aren't emotionally available or in to him enough and he could and probably should leave you. I'd say the same if you were a guy trying to figure out a girl. Be yourself and the right guy for you will love you for being just the way you are. Edited July 6, 2012 by Joaquin
Philosoraptor Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Girls who are guarded are, IMO, and for the time being, broken and shouldn't be in relationships. Yes you don't move in, Spout I love yous, get heavy with planning the new house etc etc after just a few weeks or months, but be very careful, if a guy has an ounce of experience he will sense you are holding back emotionally and putting up barriers, and he will likely interpret it as you aren't emotionally available or in to him enough and he could and probably should leave you. I'd say the same if you were a guy trying to figure out a girl. Be yourself and the right guy for you will love you for being just the way you are. I can't disagree with you. It can be quite exhausting waiting for someone to open up. It goes both ways though and someone not willing to open shouldn't be out there looking for anything serious. 1
Christine52 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I have been seeing a guy a month and I want to stay distanced in how I feel for a good while yet. How do I maintain the distance in my heart and head and not let my barriers down? I don't want to rush and feel as though I have "fallen in love" and then get hurt. I'd rather wait until he reveals himself fully before I let myself fall. How do I do this though? Also is it too much to see them four nights in the beginning? I don't know if it's so much about being guarded, as it is about a certain kind of mind set. If you know you can be happy without a man, and are secure with yourself and know that your life is rich, and full of positive experiences, then if, and when a man 'breaks your heart', you will be ready in short order to get up, dust yourself off, and try again Like yourself, I try to have a mindset that until a guy shows me ample evidence of commitment and genuine intentions, then I am not going to go head over heels for him. This is because in the early stages of dating, it's really hard to tell when someone truly cares about you, so it's a little risky to start giving all of yourself to them right away.
Christine52 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I don't know if it's so much about being guarded, as it is about a certain kind of mind set. If you know you can be happy without a man, and are secure with yourself and know that your life is rich, and full of positive experiences, then if, and when a man 'breaks your heart', you will be ready in short order to get up, dust yourself off, and try again Being guarded shouldn't mean not opening up to someone. What it does mean is making intelligent decisions so that you minimize all the hurtful things that can potentially happen in your life. If your date tells you he's not ready for a committed relationship, then move on! If he tells you he doesn't see marriage in the future, move on! This is how you guard yourself, by choosing wisely the man you want to invest your time and energy on.
Christine52 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I don't know if it's so much about being guarded, as it is about a certain kind of mind set. If you know you can be happy without a man, and are secure with yourself and know that your life is rich, and full of positive experiences, then if, and when a man 'breaks your heart', you will be ready in short order to get up, dust yourself off, and try again Like yourself, I try to have a mindset that until a guy shows me ample evidence of commitment and genuine intentions, then I am not going to go head over heels for him. This is because in the early stages of dating, it's really hard to tell when someone truly cares about you, so it's a little risky to start giving all of yourself to them right away. Being guarded shouldn't mean not opening up to someone. What it does mean is making intelligent decisions so that you minimize all the hurtful things that can potentially happen in your life. If your date tells you he's not ready for a committed relationship, then move on! If he tells you he doesn't see marriage in the future, move on! This is how you guard yourself, by choosing wisely the man you want to invest your time and energy on.
carhill Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 ^^^ Posting issue? How do I maintain the distance in my heart and head and not let my barriers down? Understanding your intimacy and emotional style is elemental to such matters. Avoiding triggers of emotional attachment. As an example, if you become more attached after sexual relations, abstain. Also is it too much to see them four nights in the beginning? Four nights in a row or four nights in a week? Both might be considered moving a bit too fast but four in a row, considering your expressed feelings, might be both counterproductive to how you wish to proceed as well as perceived as 'leading him on' if you're not available for an 'all-in' relationship. Time for some communication, IMO.
FitChick Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 When you are guarded, you don't let bad things in but you don't let good things in either. Be open but neutral and observant.
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