Is she crazy, over me, GIGS, rebound, etc.

[AceAdams86]

PLEASE I AM BEGGING ANYONE TO RESPOND TO THIS. IM REALLY SEARCHING FOR HELP.

 

okay heres the deal. Her and I have dated for 3 years. its been really hot, but has had several struggles and gone cold too. We have always gotten back together. 3 years ago we start talking as friends. the talking escalated and we (like crazy young kids only 20, decide to just move in together, as friends at this point) within a week of living together, we are intimate the entire way. She tells me im the greatest thing she has ever had. 4 months later she is sneaking around with her ex and telling me she doesnt wanna date and its too much for her. but we still had a lease together so decided to continue living together. after a couple weeks with her ex, she breaks it off and is back to me again, saying he is the same a-hole she left before. we are great for another year. Then she starts saying she doesnt have feelings for me like that, as shes talking to another guy behind my back. I was shocked at this point bc we were soo good. I was really confused. we still continued to live together but she said she was looking for a new place. we have dogs together, everything. so I said fine, im gonna move on this time. I went out with my buddies weekend after weekend. Hardly ever talked to her when she was there, and ignored her calls or texts when she would. after about a month of this game, she calls me one night she was with her friends and was BAWLING. confessing how terribly she loves and is sorry, etc. By this point i had started talking to another girl. Spent a fair amount of time with this girl (just to help heal my broken heart) but never had sex. I would then come back to our house and hook up with my ex who threw herself at me bc she didnt want me to find anyone else. she said she realized what we had together etc. (i hated myself bc i would be a dick to her right after because i was hurt) long story short on that, we got back together again for about 4 months and i was still so hurt that she could talk to another guy behind my back and knew it crushed me but did it anyway. we had 1 really bad fight and she moved out the very next day. we did NC for a couple weeks and I find out she had sex with another guy, but they didnt talk since that night. another week passes and she would text me about things she saw on my twitter. stupid small talk. I loved it so i fed into it and we ended up getting back together, taking a romantic trip to vegas and it was great. This was all in January. 2 months later she is pushing me away and says she REALLY LIKES the same kid she recently had that one night stand with. I was living with her again at this point and she wanted me to move out. I did so. I was truly trying to get over her at this point and did NC again for about 3 weeks. I broke NC and would text her stupid stuff I knew would make her smile. shed reply, etc. Never more than a few back and forth messages. After a month of being seperated, she calls and says lets hang out. We went out for a couple drinks and she says "lets have a sleep over tonight at my place" we kiss etc go to her place, hook up. and the next 3 weeks were very intense. Constantly hooking up, making love, etc. she would cry the first couple times we would hook up when one of us would say I LOVE YOU in the heat of the moment. I stayed at her place for the next 4 weeks straight.

 

Then just 10 days ago she is ignoring me and not answering her phone as I was visiting family. I go to her apt and shes not home. I had a hunch she was with the same kid again, and to my dismay, im right. I walk past his house (he lives 2 houses away) and she is sitting in the yard with her friend and him having a couple drinks. I was like why are you here. She says bc i can and wanna be. I said come talk to me away from the ppl. we walk away and she says i like him. I said WHY WOULD YOU DRAG ME BACK INTO THIS? she said sorry. I left. Didnt talk to her for 3 days and then we text a little here and there. I say I have to get clothes from her house as an excuse to see her, etc. we hang out for like an hour and thats it. I leave. small texting in between. She would meet me and my friends out, but then would tell my friends that she likes the other and he likes her. I decide after this i will let it go. I ignore her for 3 days again, just this past sunday, she calls me 7 times until I answer. JUST TO SEE WHAT I WAS UP TO!?!? mixed signals!! She invited me over to see our puppy...I get there and we talk for a little and then I kiss her.. she kissed me back..while talking she says it sucks not having anyone to talk to at all, ever. I understood but decided it was time to head home. The next day, again, hung out shortly, came over at night, kissed her, talked a little, and left. the next night we are at my house hanging out with our other friends. we go out to the bar, and as shes leaving one bar to go to another, she says "lets have a sleepover at your place tonight" i said ok. 20 minutes later she texts me and says F YOU, IM STAYING AT MY GIRL FRIENDS PLACE TONIGHT. she then ignored me the rest of the night. I go to her house the next morning and she says theres just too many open wounds for us to fix and its exhausting to her. she unfollows me on twitter, like a child. Tonight my friend makes a twitter account, and he tweets to me. (i was the only person he was following and nobody else knew he made an account. it was just 2 minutes after he created it) Wouldnt you know however, 10 minutes later, she is also following him on twitter. This would mean she doesnt follow me, but must look me up because she saw he tweeted to me. Why would she do all of this? I am fairly certain that she misses me. we are best friends..i have been so great to her. I just believe that when she has these outbreaks where she pushes me away, its because the other kid is showing her attention again. I am so confused. I've decided NC for now, but what should I do. Why is she doing all of this? SO MANY MIXED SIGNALS!

 

please i am begging you, help me.

[AceAdams86]

i just cant understand how she can be so intimate with me, say she loves me, kiss me, and then drop me all within 2 weeks...on and off like crazy..

[Pod81]

I really don't wanna be the one to dish out tough love here, but YOU NEED TO STOP BEING HER DOORMAT! This girl is keeping you as a number 5 option at best and you need to ditch her faster than a passenger aboard the Titanic. This girl is INCREDIBLY SELFISH and wants to have her cake and eat it too. Below are some quotes from your post that you REALLY need to read over and over again.

 

"She tells me im the greatest thing she has ever had. 4 months later she is sneaking around with her ex and telling me she doesnt wanna date and its too much for her."

 

"after a couple weeks with her ex, she breaks it off and is back to me again, saying he is the same a-hole she left before. we are great for another year. Then she starts saying she doesnt have feelings for me like that, as shes talking to another guy behind my back."

 

"we did NC for a couple weeks and I find out she had sex with another guy, but they didnt talk since that night."

 

"2 months later she is pushing me away and says she REALLY LIKES the same kid she recently had that one night stand with. I was living with her again at this point and she wanted me to move out."

 

"we go out to the bar, and as shes leaving one bar to go to another, she says "lets have a sleepover at your place tonight" i said ok. 20 minutes later she texts me and says F YOU, IM STAYING AT MY GIRL FRIENDS PLACE TONIGHT. she then ignored me the rest of the night."

 

Is this someone you want to be with? Or do you deserve someone who will see you as their #1 option and love you selflessly? How many red flags do you need to cut this girl loose?? Just hearing about this girl pisses me off and I don't blame how frustrated you are with her. It doesn't matter how many positive signals she gives now. You gave her a gazillion chances and she has proven to you OVER AND OVER AND OVER again that she can't be trusted, she's a filthy whore-bag, and will stab you repeatedly in the heart. You need to stand up to yourself and give yourself more respect! DROP HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE COMPLETELY - don't be her friend, her acquaintance, NOTHING! Change your phone number, change your email, defriend her off FB, twitter...ANYTHING! Work on yourself and build up your confidence so that whatever relationship you're in next, you won't be a complete DOORMAT.

Edited July 6, 2012 by Pod81

[AceAdams86]

yeah Pod, I know you're absolutely right. I am adjusting to the realization that I am her security blanket..It is just such a stab to my pride to accept all of this. You sound exactly like my friends...They have been telling me for years how awful of a person she is and to let it go because shes such a waste of air...For some reason I keep going back.. I dont know if it is because I feel like i can fix it and "win" this time or what the problem is...i really believe it is the companionship I might be losing, and not the great girl I seem to believe she is..does that make sense?

 

Thank You very much for your response and time in reading that insanely annoying 3 years of my life. Now imagine how I feel about it..jesus

[Pod81]

Yeah man, I know it's tough to be single after 3 years of a relationship. But clearly this is a broken relationship that is WAY beyond repair. Although my situation wasn't nearly as broken, I thought I could be the hero and change my ex's commitment phobic ways. What we need to realize is that we CAN'T be the hero to serious character flaws. These are things that they'll have to deal with on their own (and that's assuming they even recognize these issues). We can't be their emotional crutch, psychologist, therapy counselor, etc. Best to just let them go, have them crash and burn, and learn from their mistakes. Meanwhile, improve yourself (in your case, building up confidence, dealing with insecurities, not being a doormat) before getting into your next serious relationship.

[AceAdams86]

yeah I got you..takes time I guess. Every time I am letting go and feeling good settling in on a new life, she barges back into it and im sucked in like quicksand..truly blocking her completely might be my only option

[Pod81]

"Might" be your only option? It DEFINITELY SHOULD be your ONLY option!

[AceAdams86]

I know, I know. do these people ever grow up, and mature enough to have a normal relationship..Im 23 and although thats fairly young, im almost positive its past the age of the games she plays, right? I just need to know that this isnt my fault and it is her mental issues

[Pod81]

Most people do grow up eventually. From my own personal experience, most people tend to be more stable and at least know what they want by their mid to late twenties. Of course, this rule isn't set into stone. Some people mature faster than others while some other people NEVER mature. I know people who are in their 30's and still chase around other men and women like they're 21! Don't hold out hope for future reconciliation and even if she does change, trust me when I say that won't happen for YEARS (assuming if she even does). By then, I'm sure and hope you'll be WAY over her. I have a feeling she will come begging multiple times and saying she's changed, but you've given her MORE THAN ENOUGH chances. If you have the willpower to ignore her time after time (or just say f**k off - I'm moving on my life without you. Have a nice life), I can guarantee you that she will give up eventually. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind when you look back at this situation in the future, you'll be glad you walked out of this relationship and wonder WTF you were thinking.

Edited July 6, 2012 by Pod81

[AH1990]

You need a dose of reality and honesty! In my mind, as harsh as this sounds, you're coming across like a little b***h. You need to drop her and MOVE ON!!!! MOVE ON!!!!! You say one thing, then do another.

[AceAdams86]

just gonna take some will power and mind over matter...truthfully If i just think of how awful she has been and stop holding onto the good times, this should be easy.

[AceAdams86]

haha naw man, its not that I am a bitch, I just really love this girl and I think of how great it is when its great..Shes a terrible person, but I try to look past it and help her to fix it...I enjoy taking care of her..

Edited July 6, 2012 by AceAdams86

[Oncehadluv]

haha naw man, its not that I am a bitch, I just really love this girl and I think of how great it is when its great..Shes a terrible person, but I try to look past it and help her to fix it...I enjoy taking care of her..

 

stop thinking like a girl, get some buddies into your life and go balls to the wall until your in the right state of mind for relationships

 

the back and forth will wear you out, i know from experience

[AceAdams86]

And if she comes running back after a couple weeks, maybe months, is there no possible way if I push her away enough, she will mature enough to have grown up? And make this work? Her friends are a terrible influence and they are finally all going to be gone soon. She finally finishes school in December.

[wilsonx]

LOL I bet money that she doesnt graduate in December. Want to take me up on that bet?

 

I didnt read the walls of text because Ive seen it 100xs here on the forum.

 

Shes got gigs, shes gone for now, probably for a long time.

 

Dont mistake her contacting you as a sign she wants you back. These wont come for at LEAST A year to two if she decides to come back

 

No contact - means dont talk to her, follow whats going on in her life, tell your friends and her friends to keep their mouths shut and keep focusing on you.

 

Dont let her fool you at the 3-4 month mark the 6 month mark and the 10 month mark. Id be wary of the year mark too. Usuaully a good spot if you decide to see whats up is at the year and a half mark to 2 year mark.

[Alban]

PLEASE I AM BEGGING ANYONE TO RESPOND TO THIS. IM REALLY SEARCHING FOR HELP.

 

okay heres the deal. Her and I have dated for 3 years. its been really hot, but has had several struggles and gone cold too. We have always gotten back together. 3 years ago we start talking as friends. the talking escalated and we (like crazy young kids only 20, decide to just move in together, as friends at this point) within a week of living together, we are intimate the entire way. She tells me im the greatest thing she has ever had. 4 months later she is sneaking around with her ex and telling me she doesnt wanna date and its too much for her. but we still had a lease together so decided to continue living together. after a couple weeks with her ex, she breaks it off and is back to me again, saying he is the same a-hole she left before. we are great for another year. Then she starts saying she doesnt have feelings for me like that, as shes talking to another guy behind my back. I was shocked at this point bc we were soo good. I was really confused. we still continued to live together but she said she was looking for a new place. we have dogs together, everything. so I said fine, im gonna move on this time. I went out with my buddies weekend after weekend. Hardly ever talked to her when she was there, and ignored her calls or texts when she would. after about a month of this game, she calls me one night she was with her friends and was BAWLING. confessing how terribly she loves and is sorry, etc. By this point i had started talking to another girl. Spent a fair amount of time with this girl (just to help heal my broken heart) but never had sex. I would then come back to our house and hook up with my ex who threw herself at me bc she didnt want me to find anyone else. she said she realized what we had together etc. (i hated myself bc i would be a dick to her right after because i was hurt) long story short on that, we got back together again for about 4 months and i was still so hurt that she could talk to another guy behind my back and knew it crushed me but did it anyway. we had 1 really bad fight and she moved out the very next day. we did NC for a couple weeks and I find out she had sex with another guy, but they didnt talk since that night. another week passes and she would text me about things she saw on my twitter. stupid small talk. I loved it so i fed into it and we ended up getting back together, taking a romantic trip to vegas and it was great. This was all in January. 2 months later she is pushing me away and says she REALLY LIKES the same kid she recently had that one night stand with. I was living with her again at this point and she wanted me to move out. I did so. I was truly trying to get over her at this point and did NC again for about 3 weeks. I broke NC and would text her stupid stuff I knew would make her smile. shed reply, etc. Never more than a few back and forth messages. After a month of being seperated, she calls and says lets hang out. We went out for a couple drinks and she says "lets have a sleep over tonight at my place" we kiss etc go to her place, hook up. and the next 3 weeks were very intense. Constantly hooking up, making love, etc. she would cry the first couple times we would hook up when one of us would say I LOVE YOU in the heat of the moment. I stayed at her place for the next 4 weeks straight.

 

Then just 10 days ago she is ignoring me and not answering her phone as I was visiting family. I go to her apt and shes not home. I had a hunch she was with the same kid again, and to my dismay, im right. I walk past his house (he lives 2 houses away) and she is sitting in the yard with her friend and him having a couple drinks. I was like why are you here. She says bc i can and wanna be. I said come talk to me away from the ppl. we walk away and she says i like him. I said WHY WOULD YOU DRAG ME BACK INTO THIS? she said sorry. I left. Didnt talk to her for 3 days and then we text a little here and there. I say I have to get clothes from her house as an excuse to see her, etc. we hang out for like an hour and thats it. I leave. small texting in between. She would meet me and my friends out, but then would tell my friends that she likes the other and he likes her. I decide after this i will let it go. I ignore her for 3 days again, just this past sunday, she calls me 7 times until I answer. JUST TO SEE WHAT I WAS UP TO!?!? mixed signals!! She invited me over to see our puppy...I get there and we talk for a little and then I kiss her.. she kissed me back..while talking she says it sucks not having anyone to talk to at all, ever. I understood but decided it was time to head home. The next day, again, hung out shortly, came over at night, kissed her, talked a little, and left. the next night we are at my house hanging out with our other friends. we go out to the bar, and as shes leaving one bar to go to another, she says "lets have a sleepover at your place tonight" i said ok. 20 minutes later she texts me and says F YOU, IM STAYING AT MY GIRL FRIENDS PLACE TONIGHT. she then ignored me the rest of the night. I go to her house the next morning and she says theres just too many open wounds for us to fix and its exhausting to her. she unfollows me on twitter, like a child. Tonight my friend makes a twitter account, and he tweets to me. (i was the only person he was following and nobody else knew he made an account. it was just 2 minutes after he created it) Wouldnt you know however, 10 minutes later, she is also following him on twitter. This would mean she doesnt follow me, but must look me up because she saw he tweeted to me. Why would she do all of this? I am fairly certain that she misses me. we are best friends..i have been so great to her. I just believe that when she has these outbreaks where she pushes me away, its because the other kid is showing her attention again. I am so confused. I've decided NC for now, but what should I do. Why is she doing all of this? SO MANY MIXED SIGNALS!

 

please i am begging you, help me.

 

She ****s with other people, till she gets bored and comes back to you, then finds someone else she ****s with, she dumps you and when she is over with the other guy comes back to you, same story every time and you still don't get it ?

 

She is a whore my friend a ****ing whore who doesn't deserve nothing but ****.

YOU DESERVE BETTER

[AH1990]

haha naw man, its not that I am a bitch, I just really love this girl and I think of how great it is when its great..Shes a terrible person, but I try to look past it and help her to fix it...I enjoy taking care of her..

 

And in return you get....? I'd love to hear the answer to this.

[leoc1973]

Well here is a question. Does she have some kind of "issues" with you? Like when she breaks up with you is there something that in her head she either feels you are doing wrong or some reason she thinks you are not boyfriend material?

 

For example. Do you sit around playing video games all day? Smoke pot all day? Hang with your friends instead of her? Its not always so cut and dry as I have learned since i've been on this site. Some times we read other stories and we say "oh well that is definitely a whore" and "she is definitely taking advangage of him and treating him like a doormat" but we don't get the other person's side of the story.

 

For all we know this girl may be so in love with you and she should really move on and get away from you but she just can't bring herself to do it cause she loves you so much. She may have her friends saying to dump that guy he will never grow up and other guys well you know they will say anything to get laid.

 

But if she has no actual issues with you and she is still treating you this way then yes she has gigs and she needs to go out and date other people and down the road if she really loves you she will be back. But you won't want her at that point anyways. If she is running around with other guys then don't play her games and cut all contact to her.