BrokenMirror Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I recently broke up with an ex that I dated for around three years. We broke up five months ago and I keep thinking about him, missing him, wanting him back. Actually, I'm not sure IF i want him back. Some part of me does, and the other part doesn't. I don't know what phase of the grieving process I am in, or if I ever went through it. I am hurting and we recently got back in touch. And we talked about us, our future, our kids again. Thing is, he's an ass in a way. He will disappear for days and then suddenly pop back in.
Philosoraptor Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 It's hard to move on when trying to stay in contact with your ex. Even harder when you talk to them about a possible future together when you're apart. It's building false hope and doing nothing but diluting any progress you may have made. 1
Author BrokenMirror Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 I realize that. I broke NC after almost four months, and today, I am on my second day of NC. We dated for three years and were close for five, so I can't expect to just up and move on in 5 months. It's hard. And I've read other people's posts on here, and they're encouraging. But I feel like he isn't hurting. He didn't look back once after breaking up. HE went on, shaved his head, went to Jamaica and Georgia and what not. He immeresed himself in school. Yet, when we talk, he tells me that he does still love me. How could it have been SO easy for him? Did he n ot care as much as I cared? And I was his first girlfriend, and the amount of times he told me that I would be his last I can't count. So how could he move on so fast? Why is his heart not hurting like mines does? Why doesn't he get the urge to cry at random times. Why am I the only one who is suffering. I did a lot for him. I often fought with family for him and I would get in trouble. I gave him me, as a whole. When he had his anger tantrums, I stayed by and soothed him. I listened to him when he was furious about something that his mother had done and I am the one who calmed him down. He used to say that all he had to do to calm down was hug me. I guess that isn't true anymore.
CopingGal Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 You can't control the way someone acts in a break up. It was extremely difficult for me to see that my ex did not suffer and happily went along his way to his next victim. It hurt like Hell, but he did it to me, and of course threw it in my face that he did not grieve for me. That's just the way it was. My ex was very emotionally aggressive toward me after I left him, while he wined and dined another women in my face...the woman he cheated with. I cried many, many nights, but in the end realized that that is just who he is. He was never emotionally invested in the relationship and kept me in the relationship due to ongoing lies about how much he loved me and that his life was just so difficult to make time for me. Many people literally do not suffer in relationship break ups while the partner is extremely damaged, like I was. That's just life. For me, I will pay CLOSE attention next time, because I believe the way someone treats you in a relationship is similar to how they would treat you in the break up. My ex is pathologically selfish and extremely insensitive. During our breakup, these traits magnified greatly. When people tell of being treated terribly during a break up, ask them if there were red flags during the relationship and you can bet your bottom dollar they will probably say there were plenty. So, forget about how your ex is coping with the break up. It's about you and your recovery and not about him. I read somewhere, to be glad you are hurting in a breakup. It shows that your heart was invested in the relationship. Be proud that you can give to someone like that because not everybody can. And those are the people that bounce from relationship to relationship, destroying every good one they ever come across.
Author BrokenMirror Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 I understand. He was always very sweet and caring. He would bring my coffeess in the morning and make us breakfast. He would stay up all night with me just talking and we would fall asleep talking. I loved him. I still do and I miss him terribly. I know I shouldn't wish for things to go back to the way they used to be, but I can't help it. I did invest a lot. You are right. And maybe he invested and is not showing that he is hurting. I miss this man. I miss being loved and three years of love invested? It's not going away. I'm hoping it does. I was talking to a guy I think is somewhat cute and the entire time I couldn't stop thinking about my ex, about how he different he was. Is it something wrong with me? I'm on day 2 of NC and it seems like day 1 was easy and today is hard.
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