Am I crazy or is he suffering from the lazy boyfriend syndrome?

[whispering_willoww]

Don't know if any of you have read my other posts, but long story short, we met on the net, he was local we dated for 5 months and he had to move to georgia. This month is our 6 month mark. I have visited him once, he has not been back here yet seeing as how he just started his jobs, so that much i understand. when i visited him we had a good bit of time together, but not as much as i wanted. for instance, i came in late friday night so that's nothing, saturday night there was someone else come over so there was my saturday spent entertaining someone i really didn't know well. sunday we were supposed to do a few things, but due to saturday nights festivities we woke up late and he spent more time talking with the guys again until he saw i looked a little upset. then he said he realized he wasn't thinking, he kept thinking i was down there for good, blah blah blah and apologized, ok great. but that still left little time because i had interviews monday morning and left monday night. And furthermore even if i was down there for good we still have to spend sometime together other than sleeping to make our relationship grow.

 

well seeing as how he wants me to move there it raises several questions after this one visit and other small things i have noticed. first, if i move there is this the type of love and attention I can expect to receive? i do love him and i like all the friends i have met but i have to wonder, will i be cast aside and taken for granted? Also I feel as if I am the one making all the contact, I initiate the phone calls, I send messages first etc and frankly I am getting tired of it. i love him very much but I do not want to be in a lopsided relationship in which I am doing all the work. I know he is busy and he is holding down 2 jobs to get things started, but i just feel that it wouldn't hurt for him to make contact first. I want to say something, but how do i tell him "this relationship is unfair and onesided".He did ask me when i was coming down again, and i told him i don't know. i have a job here still and i can't keep asking for a friday off here and a monday there. I have interviewed for a few jobs in that area and so far so good, but i just don't know how to make him understand how i feel. for the most part we communicate effectively, but in this situation i think he sees me a someone who can handle it on her own,but i need his support and love. I need to know that he loves me and will not cast me aside when i get there. how can he not see that i am terrified of making a mistake. he keeps assuring me it will all be ok but i just don't know. i don't doubt he loves me and i love him but how can i get him to open his eyes and really see how i feel?

[soapoperahaven]

maybe you should back off a bit and see if he comes or calls or what ever to you if not maybe he doesnt like you as much as you think

[HoldOn]

I second that. Why don't you just get involved in your life and see if he takes up the relationship reigns.

[whispering_willoww]

I understand what you are trying to say however, i kind of feel that communication is crucial right now seeing as how he wants me to move there, i have already had interviews and will be receiving a call from a company today in reference to a job. I just feel like at this point in time, he has been all gung ho on me moving and asking me repetitively if i have heard anything and just this week all of that seemed to stop. I just don't get it. I just came back from there on the the 28th so did my visit have something to do with the direction change? he was all on me about it and now nothing. I wonder if he is having second thoughts and i just want him to let me know something before i uproot my life and move. i mean we are down to the wire here.

[HoldOn]

Well, if you are having doubts, I think you should think twice about moving down there. It would be easier to delay this decision than to undo it.

 

You guys have only known either for six months anyway, that's a very short time to change your whole life for someone.

 

If you would move there anyway and if you like your new job prospects, you could consider moving there, but I would get my own place.

 

IMHO, he is NOT showing enough interest in you. I don't know why, he could just be clueless, but I wouldn't expect this behavior to change.

[whispering_willoww]

Ok well here is an update... since i last posted I talked with him and laid it all out on the table. i asked him if he was having second thoughts about me moving there. he said no and he was looking forward to having me around. he said he had to admit that our time apart had changed him a bit as neither one of us is used to a ldr. he said he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. but i still stood my ground and told him that the way he was acting hurt me, it was as if he didn't care about me or love me this past week. he was really apologetic and i said that was ok. of course in my mind i was thinking we will see. i knew he meant it but as they say "saying and doing are two different things". i made up my mind that i was not going to contact him first anymore. if he realized what he was doing and how it was hurting me, he would fix the situation. well that's exactly what happened. the next day he called me just to see how my day was going and then logged on im to see how i was and chit chat about our day. this is still going on so far so i'm not feeling as bad. at least i could talk to him and tell him, he didn't take offense instead he took it like a man, and trust me i said a lot of things in the nicest way possible. anyways looks like the move is still on, of course nothing is in stone so we never know. however, don't hope i have this problem again.