Trying to move on after my affair

[angel_caz]

This is my first time posting anything on here but will try and keep it short.

Basically I had a short affair/fling with a married guy from work (I am also married) who has since moved abroad with his work. It started about 3 months ago, although I have known him for nearly 3 years and had never thought about him that way. It started off with a flirty email message and escalated from there. I know it is not an excuse but I was going through a tough time at home with some personal issues and feeling a bit neglected and unsure about my relationship with my husband. I knew when we started this that MM was leaving (he left about 3 weeks after that initial email) but still couldnt stop myself from getting involved and it got quite intense quickly and although I would never claim it was love, there was an emotional connection. We met up a handful of times and the relationship was physical. After he left we carried on what I guess would be an emotional affair and spoke via email almost every day, until 3 weeks ago when he told me he needed to do some soul searching and we haven't had any communication since. I totally get where he is coming from, I know in the sensible part of my head that it is for the best as nothing was ever going to be able to come from it and it was an impossible situation but I just don't seem to be able to move on. I think about him all the time and replay it over and over in my mind and sometimes have trouble fighting the urge to contact him to see if this is hard for him and if he thinks about me at all. I know I need to be sensible and get on with my life and concentrate on my relationship with my husband but am having trouble actually doing it.

[Owl]

Not sure what specifically you're asking for help with...getting over your affair, or rebuilding things with your H?

 

Personally...I always feel that one comes along with the other. Your H needs to know how bad things have gotten...and should be allowed to decide to continue in a relationship or not with you based on ALL of the information...to include knowledge of your affair.

 

Tell him. Odds are, that will change your focus OFF of missing your affair partner, and back onto your H and marriage.

 

That's my first, best advice to offer.

[drifter777]

You should really post this on the OM/OW forum. You're not going to get much useful feedback on how to deal with your longing for a married man on here.

[GLDheart]

You may be in a marriage, but your heart is in another relationship.

 

What do you really want?

[darkmoon]

OP if it's "replaying it over and over in your mind" may be that you have post traumatic stress disorder, see a doctor xx

Edited July 19, 2012 by darkmoon

[standtall]

It seems that you are more missing your AP, than working on your marriage with your husband. You need to decide if you want to stay married... without your AP in the picture.

[scatterd]

You need to be on OW OM forum.

[nofool4u]

I don't think this person is looking for any advice. She is a one time poster who came in here and dropped a despicable story in a part of this site that people primarily come to deal with the kind of crap this person is doling out.

 

It seems to be happening alot lately, one time posters dropping a story like this to ruffle feathers.

[Silly_Girl]

If this poster does want help in rebuilding her marriage, the majority of the replies wouldn't indicate that she can't get it here as most just took the opportunity to bash instead of offering assistance.

 

Completely agree. Well done Loveshackers! That's the perfect way to offer guidance to those asking for advice... Insult them.

[2sunny]

Be honest!

 

You stated that "you couldn't help yourself" - which would prove you have NO self control. Get help. Everyone SHOULD be capable of controlling self - either you aren't being honest or you have little integrity... Or both. Seek counseling.

 

And tell your H what you've done - he deserves to know he's married to a cheater who still wants contact with her MM.