suckered Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I met this guy online last week. Everything went well and we ended up going to dinner and hot chocolate late into the night. I told him how I am not interested in anything casual and need to get to know someone first before we have sex. He seemed to nod and said he understands. He has been in touch every day since. We made plans to see each other this weekend. He suggested that I come over to his place to watch a DVD and order some food. He also said that I shouldn't worry about sex as this is not his intent. I feel weird about him inviting me to his place so soon. I feel like it's a flag that he just wants sex. I lightly suggested going to the cinema instead and he said that he would prefer to watch a movie at his place but whatever I am comfortable with. I am not sure if I should see him again. My feeling is that he is just after sex I feel stupid forcing him into going to the cinema and it won't change his intent.
Arabella Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 If you feel comfortable with him not being a creep, then go and stop worrying. .He could just be wanting the privacy/comfort of his own home over the cinema since you're barely getting to know each other. What do you have to lose? After all, if he really is just after sex, you will know because he will try to make a move on you. If he doesn't, then you'll know his word means something. -A
Algermas Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Date at his place = ****ing If you're not comfortable with this don't go. 2
RedRobin Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Nope. I call BS on this one. NEVER, not once, have I come across a man who doesn't try to put the moves on someone if you come over. So... how to back out of this while retaining some benefit of the doubt for him... Going to the cinema is not an ideal second date. You can't really talk and get to know someone that way. My suggestion? Ask him to come up with something that doesn't require he come to your place or his. Do it in a nice way though. Noone likes being accused of having an agenda.... even if they do. There are lots of other things that are inexpensive to do that don't require going to the home of a near stranger too. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Ha! You know what he was thinking when you told him you wanted exclusivity before sex? He thought to himself "yeah whatever b*tch...wait till I get you all hot and steamy and my place because that's what the last girl said and she gave it up without a fight". Please...second date his place? You've got to be an utter fool if you think he wants something other than sex...you don't need to go to his place to justify it. And to top it off he's given you no credible feedback to your response...he's just like whatever he doesn't give a sh*t. If he was at least half willing he would have at least tried to BS you "oh yeah of course I feel the same way I respect that" then you'd go over his house like a fool believing it and then he try to put on his retarded moves and then he'd get it in and be like "welp...too late now can't take it back!....oh and btw I'm not ready for a relationship I thought I was but realized I'm not...take care sport" He doesn't want to put effort or thought into this...he wants it easy and cheap...you've got to decide if that's what you're looking for. 2
veggirl Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 It's really tacky of him to suggest a SECOND date at his place. I think that speaks volumes of his intentions. Plus his reaction of "I'd rather just have you at my place but okay fine if you insist on going out" is really telling. He doesn't want to put in the effort of dating you, he wants you to come to him at his place and make it easy. I would decline all together in this situation, even though he has pretended he is "okay" with a public date. and geez, a movie and ordering food? He can't even bother with "I will cook for you!" ?! 2
Hope82 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Yep, a date at someone's house usually equals sex. Also, movies are bad second dates because there's not a lot of time for talking. Maybe use that as your excuse. Say you'd rather do something where you guys can talk and get to know each other more. Make suggestions like mini golf, a wall at the park, etc. and that will get you out of going to his house without even revealing that it makes you nervous. This will also give you the chance to get to know him better and maybe get a feel for what his intentions are. If he's a good guy, he'll be more than okay with going somewhere in public for at least the first few dates.
ScienceGal Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I agree with the other posters. His intentions are not innocent. Why doesn't he take you out to the movies instead and dinner or coffee/drinks after?
RedRobin Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Ha! You know what he was thinking when you told him you wanted exclusivity before sex? He thought to himself "yeah whatever b*tch...wait till I get you all hot and steamy and my place because that's what the last girl said and she gave it up without a fight". Whaa?! You mean it's not... "I need to see if we are sexually compatible before I know if I can be exclusive".... 1
FitChick Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 The same goes for men who want to cook dinner for you at their place. That's the latest twist on the "watch a DVD at my place." 2
RedRobin Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 OP, the guys who sincerely want a relationship realize that they need to have discretion and willpower too if they want a good start on things... and are very unlikely they will suggest anything like this so early. I'm really not optimistic about this guy's intentions.
veggirl Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Yeah if for some reason you still want to go on a 2nd date with him, just tell him I'd rather do something where we can talk and suggest bowling or whatever activity.
Author suckered Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Thanks everyone. I will just tell him that we are not looking for the same things and won't see him again. I don't see a point of suggesting some other activity. He may agree but that will only postpone "pumping and dumping". I don't see how a guy that wants something more than sex would be disrespectful enough to suggest his place as second date. Postponing will only delay the inevitable.
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