16thstreet Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 In my current relationship, we did the big move in about 2 years into dating, and like you it was part of the eventual moving toward other things bit. You bet I was nervous! We had a one bed, one bath apartment, with only one television. But, we lived in the heart of a major metro area, so getting out for the purposes of disengaging was still a pretty easy "I'm going to walk over to X place and grab Y, be back later!". It turned out it was very nice living together. It was comfortable, but not in that take-each-other-for-granted sort of way, but rather the I-am-so-comfortable-with-this-why-didn't-I-do-this-years-ago sort of way. I hope your move in turns out to be so great. Why do I think it worked, despite the one television, one bedroom, and one bathroom? Several reasons. For one, my partner was not a man-child. He had been living on his own (with or without roommates) for close to 20 years. He knew how to take care of himself and did not need me to do so. That was a big difference from the dynamic that went into moving in with my exH (we were married in our early twenties), as his mother had devoted herself to selflessly serving her children and he expected me to do the same (which only became apparent after the knot was tied). It sounds like you have this area covered with your plan for the 50/50 division of labor. Also, intimacy grew. We were able to see each other more close-up and personal than ever before even though before we had spent a lot of time effectively co-habitating. If it wasn't going to work before we decided to move things along further, we both wanted to know that fact. And, we both wanted to have it work, so we were required to communicate more with each other about things we hadn't needed to before... and communication is not one of my strongest points. But, it was a way to see how we worked things out. Perhaps there is some mystery (and hence a form of "romance"?) when you know your guy's BM routine in the mornings (tmi? haha) but over all the added intimacy and closeness were well worth it. We took the moving in phases slow too. We moved in, but kept a lot of our separate routines and schedules (and certainly finances), and gradually sort of blended them together. No one was giving over their independence. We were just sharing. There's probably more, but that's all I can think of for now. Good luck!! 1
carhill Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Some newer homes have a 'his and hers' master bath and we've built a few of such bathrooms in friend's homes. Essentially, same room, but larger and with independent space. In one we did a two-headed walk-in shower with a separate claw-foot oversize tub so the wife could get her 'soaking' fix occasionally. Two discrete sinks and dressing areas. Worked well and was about the size of an average bedroom. In my case, part of the move (to the main bath) was for energy management. When exW would plug in all her 'stuff', like blow dryer, curling iron, wax pot, etc, it maxed out the electrical circuit. I got tired of resetting the breaker when I needed something to run. 1.5 baths can be a challenge unless you are both minimalists and/or the space has a lot of storage. Tub/shower time generally doesn't have to be an issue, but sink time can be, if there's only one sink and not much counter space. There will be some 'adapting' 1
pink_sugar Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Moving in together with my H made things a lot easier. There was a lot of driving back and forth when we'd see each other and it also made things financially easier, sharing an apartment as our area is a very high cost of living. 2
Author TigerCub Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 In my current relationship, we did the big move in about 2 years into dating, and like you it was part of the eventual moving toward other things bit. You bet I was nervous! We had a one bed, one bath apartment, with only one television. But, we lived in the heart of a major metro area, so getting out for the purposes of disengaging was still a pretty easy "I'm going to walk over to X place and grab Y, be back later!". It turned out it was very nice living together. It was comfortable, but not in that take-each-other-for-granted sort of way, but rather the I-am-so-comfortable-with-this-why-didn't-I-do-this-years-ago sort of way. I hope your move in turns out to be so great. Why do I think it worked, despite the one television, one bedroom, and one bathroom? Several reasons. For one, my partner was not a man-child. He had been living on his own (with or without roommates) for close to 20 years. He knew how to take care of himself and did not need me to do so. That was a big difference from the dynamic that went into moving in with my exH (we were married in our early twenties), as his mother had devoted herself to selflessly serving her children and he expected me to do the same (which only became apparent after the knot was tied). It sounds like you have this area covered with your plan for the 50/50 division of labor. Also, intimacy grew. We were able to see each other more close-up and personal than ever before even though before we had spent a lot of time effectively co-habitating. If it wasn't going to work before we decided to move things along further, we both wanted to know that fact. And, we both wanted to have it work, so we were required to communicate more with each other about things we hadn't needed to before... and communication is not one of my strongest points. But, it was a way to see how we worked things out. Perhaps there is some mystery (and hence a form of "romance"?) when you know your guy's BM routine in the mornings (tmi? haha) but over all the added intimacy and closeness were well worth it. We took the moving in phases slow too. We moved in, but kept a lot of our separate routines and schedules (and certainly finances), and gradually sort of blended them together. No one was giving over their independence. We were just sharing. There's probably more, but that's all I can think of for now. Good luck!! Thank you so much 16thstreet for sharing your experience with me. I do see a lot of similarities between what you described and how I do think things will play out with us. What you just described with regards to sharing and not losing independence, is exactly what I'm hoping for. We both really do enjoy doing our own thing, and I love having girls nights and stuff like that, and we already talked - we wont be giving that stuff up, but we will be around each other more and sharing more and I know that will bring us closer. I do have a fear of losing myself in a relationship, but Its been almost 2 years and that hasn't happened and at this point in my life, I kinda doubt that it will. Thanks again, I really appreciate your take and you good wishes. Glad it worked out for you as well
Author TigerCub Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Some newer homes have a 'his and hers' master bath and we've built a few of such bathrooms in friend's homes. Essentially, same room, but larger and with independent space. In one we did a two-headed walk-in shower with a separate claw-foot oversize tub so the wife could get her 'soaking' fix occasionally. Two discrete sinks and dressing areas. Worked well and was about the size of an average bedroom. In my case, part of the move (to the main bath) was for energy management. When exW would plug in all her 'stuff', like blow dryer, curling iron, wax pot, etc, it maxed out the electrical circuit. I got tired of resetting the breaker when I needed something to run. 1.5 baths can be a challenge unless you are both minimalists and/or the space has a lot of storage. Tub/shower time generally doesn't have to be an issue, but sink time can be, if there's only one sink and not much counter space. There will be some 'adapting' There are new homes that have separate (his/her) master bedrooms. I think those are kinda depressing. But I certainly see the value in the his/her bathrooms. We are not minimalists. Well, I'm definitely not when it comes to the products I use (hair, body, make up, blah blah), but we'll find a way..which really mean, "I'll find a way to get my way" I kid, I kid ... Its all about communication & compromise, or somethin like that p.s. you sound like such a giving and patient person to just let her have all the outlets and eventually letting her have that whole bathroom - that really was nice. If it were me, I'd probably just unplug their stuff or need to "have a talk". Yeah, I have a lot to learn.
Els Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Forgot to mention this part in my reply. Yes!! Thanks for mentioning that. It is something that came to mind, I know of a lot of couples that go from dates and romance to just sitting on the couch doing nothing all the time. I am a little concerned, but because of that I will be sure to make that a priority and keep it in the back of my mind. I understand that routine and responsibilities will take over sometimes, but I don't want us to lose the spark and the fun in our relationship. Thanks for mentioning that Glad I could help, and good luck in taking the next step forward!
mercy Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Can't, we only have 1.5 bathrooms. so we need to share the bathroom that has the bathtub. We'll have to upgrade to a more fitting house, then for sure, I'd claim my own We also have 1.5 bathrooms. I insist he use the smaller one for only one purpose... We've been married for years, when we first moved in together I thought I'd pass out! That day he was never allowed to 'use' the same bathroom as me. I gladly share the tub.
mercy Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 But then you don't get to barge in during her shower. Oh, no that's not what I'm talking about! We have loads of fun in the bathroom. It's about him 'using' the bathroom, that isn't allowed. Get it?
carhill Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Dropping the kids off at the pool, as my exW used to say 2
Author TigerCub Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 We also have 1.5 bathrooms. I insist he use the smaller one for only one purpose... We've been married for years, when we first moved in together I thought I'd pass out! That day he was never allowed to 'use' the same bathroom as me. I gladly share the tub. haha, ahh that's so mean, talk about shaming him cuz he makes the bathroom stinky :bunny:for sharing the tub - I love fun shower time 2
Author TigerCub Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 I just wanted to thank everyone for all your helpful tips, stories, advice and well wishes. I really do appreciate everything that was discussed here and I'm looking forward to this move in. 5
letsplaynice Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 What a fun and friendly thread you've created here! I enjoyed reading it. I'll add a comment about those annoying "flaws" or traits or habits you mentioned might become magnified when you are living together. I read this tip in a book once and find it helpful. There are always different ways we can look at things. If you change your perspective on something you find annoying, then suddenly it can actually seem cute instead of annoying...and eventually that thing may even become endearing! Best wishes! 1
Author TigerCub Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 What a fun and friendly thread you've created here! I enjoyed reading it. I'll add a comment about those annoying "flaws" or traits or habits you mentioned might become magnified when you are living together. I read this tip in a book once and find it helpful. There are always different ways we can look at things. If you change your perspective on something you find annoying, then suddenly it can actually seem cute instead of annoying...and eventually that thing may even become endearing! Best wishes! That would certainly be one nifty trick. I will actually keep this in mind and try it if I ever need to. I appreciate your input on this and your well wishes. Thank you
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