KathyM Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Take it for what its worth, but these are the women who online date, from my personal experience: - Separated pending marriage -Married pending separated - Want their ego stroked - Say they want a relationship, if you look like Fabio. - Promiscious ones - Ones with baggage (4 kids, 3 fathers) - Very few normal ones looking for something serious While I would agree with you that there are a lot of those types you mentioned that do OLD, there are also some good ones in the mix. You just have to be willing to put in the time to separate the wheat from the chaft. I know a lot of people who met their SO through OLD who are quality people and met a quality person through OLD, and not all of them were physically beautiful either. Some were just Average Joes lookswise, but had a lot of good qualities in other areas.
ZhaoZilong5 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Lol the women that I click with are apparently super rare according to LS, enotalone, and personal experience. I was only ever able to date 1, and at my age, she broke up with me due to G.I.G.S. I played the friend card, because I actually wasn't trying to date her. It just happened. Ironic, I come to forums like this for hope and get the total opposite LOL.
Shaun-Dro Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I know PLENTY of women that aren't in a relationship, and who don't particularly want/need to be in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with them. They're not tragically misfortunate in the looks department or anything, some are just working on their career or focused in studies. I mean, sure, you'll find a lot of girls that can't seem to stay single, or even have a fear of being single or alone. But guess what? You've just met a woman who's been single... for over a year... BY CHOICE! Single by choice over a year? I smell another lame feminist...
carhill Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 OP, I've got one for you, if you don't mind an older, self-sufficient and awesomely fit woman... She's been divorced 15 years; retired special ed teacher, ethnic Indonesian; speaks multiple languages; generally averages between 25-50 miles of running per week and competes in marathons. Very involved with her family. Two sons. One, 28, has CP. Non-denominational Christian; active in church. You'd never guess she turned 60 this year. She likes to bring Indonesian dishes to our BBQ's. She interacts with men but hasn't had any romantic interests in quite awhile. I just thought of something which might bookend KathyM's posts.....this lady doesn't give out the vibe like she is seeking companionship, outlier to the generality which Kathy posted. She's quite comfortable living her life solo with her friends and family, hence there's not that flirtatious tension 'vibe' with her that a woman 'needing' companionship sends out. I've experienced the gamut in life and see further clarity in this anecdote. Cool. Thanks.
runner Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Be a good friend to her so you have your foot in the door, but do seize the opportunity to express romantic interest when the situation presents itself. Don't back off, whatever you do. Accept the relationship on the terms she's ready to give you, and it may turn to something more. I know a woman who started dating a guy after her divorce who was convinced she was not going to get serious about him and wasn't ready for another commitment, and sure enough, he changed her mind and she married him. Don't back off. This is your window of opportunity. yep i've seen this happen before as well. but only if the man genuinely cares about her as a friend, and isn't just waiting to pounce. there is a difference, and a smart women will know if you're just being full of it.
Leigh 87 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 (edited) I rarely do meet women that isn't in a relationship, there is always some kind of overlap with them and relationships from one man to the next...at least from my experience. I don't think I've EVER met a woman that's been (by choice) been single for at least a full year. What the fck? .... I have only bothered to be in relationships with men who I am crazy about, and vise versa........ Therefore, if it did not work out with my bf, I would be pretty upset!!!!!! I would take a good few months to even consider sex with another person, much less a relationship........... I guess by the end of the relationship, things could be more platonic, and therefore the women may be more apt at courting and dating? Honestly, I do not think it is healthy to go from a really loving and serious relationship, to breaking up ( when the girl was still in love and attached), and to dating straight away..... Being single is fun, it sounds like a lot of women fail to remember that! I loved being single before my boyfriend, and I admit, it IS amazing having a partner in life. That said, I will not feel the need to have to get a guy again after we break up......... As great as it is. .,... Maybe most women, after falling in love and experiencing the joys of a relationship, then go on to WANT another one, sooner than their heart cares for.... Have you noticed that some women, after a relationship, try things with you, only to say " it doesn't feel right" and then proceed to get really emotional? I can't see things feeling right for a good while, if I break up with my bf.... I would need time. Edited July 6, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fixed quote 1
Author irc333 Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 That's good Leigh, at least you're allowing some time to past. Just curious, after your break up, did you have guys trying to ask you out? What the fck? .... I have only bothered to be in relationships with men who I am crazy about, and vise versa........ Therefore, if it did not work out with my bf, I would be pretty upset!!!!!! I would take a good few months to even consider sex with another person, much less a relationship........... I guess by the end of the relationship, things could be more platonic, and therefore the women may be more apt at courting and dating? Honestly, I do not think it is healthy to go from a really loving and serious relationship, to breaking up ( when the girl was still in love and attached), and to dating straight away..... Being single is fun, it sounds like a lot of women fail to remember that! I loved being single before my boyfriend, and I admit, it IS amazing having a partner in life. That said, I will not feel the need to have to get a guy again after we break up......... As great as it is. .,... Maybe most women, after falling in love and experiencing the joys of a relationship, then go on to WANT another one, sooner than their heart cares for.... Have you noticed that some women, after a relationship, try things with you, only to say " it doesn't feel right" and then proceed to get really emotional? I can't see things feeling right for a good while, if I break up with my bf.... I would need time.
varonny Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Single by choice over a year? I smell another lame feminist... OR someone who is happy with single life, or simply doesn't care for the guys that has approached them over time. Sorry, but we're not all desperate to fall at your feet in order to feel wanted and loved.
iris219 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I rarely do meet women that isn't in a relationship, there is always some kind of overlap with them and relationships from one man to the next...at least from my experience. I don't think I've EVER met a woman that's been (by choice) been single for at least a full year. The only real solution is try to grab them as quickly as possible, before another guy snags them. (But is that wise, since they JUST got out of a relationship?) The real concern there is the male competition and who finds out she's FINALLY un-attached, first. I've seen it happen, when the "Orbiters" find out through word of mouth that a woman they've had the hots for (but had a boyfriend at the time), has been unattached for a day...word gets out. lol...and her phone line starts ringing. I thought this was crazy too. It’s not easy to meet someone compatible for dating. How are these women finding men so quickly? I’m jealous! I’ve been single for 4 years (though in that time my ex and I tried to get back together twice. I only did this because I had no other options whatsoever). I'm not single by choice though. I have a friend who’s been single for 9 years and another who’s been single for 3. I see someone who goes from relationship to relationship with no breaks to reflect as a red flag. It’s not possible that they are meeting super awesome compatible people every single time they go through a break up. Who’s that lucky? And who has "orbiters?" None of the women I know do.
Leigh 87 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 That's good Leigh, at least you're allowing some time to past. Just curious, after your break up, did you have guys trying to ask you out? I have never been in love before my current bf. And I have no idea what the break up might/will possible feel like. If we mutuall grew apart, we would both move on faster. If one of us was just as in love as ever, while the other one fell in love with another person - geez, it would take a long time, at least a year, to get over it. If I am not mentally healthy about being with other men, I won't, even if he is out having fun with the new girl. Fooling around with other men, when he is the man I am still in love with, would not feel right. It would feel like dirt compared to gold. It weould only serve to remind me how devastated I am about losing him. I think the girls who move on so swiftly were not so much into their partners when they broke up, OR they were but think a rebound will help... Those are the women I asked you about - do they try to get with you, only to back out and feel messed up about it?
Leigh 87 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I thought this was crazy too. It’s not easy to meet someone compatible for dating. How are these women finding men so quickly? I’m jealous! I see someone who goes from relationship to relationship with no breaks to reflect as a red flag. It’s not possible that they are meeting super awesome compatible people every single time they go through a break up. Who’s that lucky? And who has "orbiters?" None of the women I know do. Yeah, who IS that lucky, to meet super comtatible people EVERY time they are single?!!!! Looks like some poeple are happy being " mediocore" happy with people.. rather than waiting for a real spark to occur. I would rather be single and aloneeee than just pleasantly happy with some dude:sick:
Oxy Moronovich Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Yeah irc, it seems a crapload of women occupy at least one of the following: 1. Divorced. 2. Single mother. 3. Crazy cat lady. 4. Rejected woman who lives with her parents and is bitter toward men. 5. Whore. Many women my age (27) fall into these categories. I'm sure it's worse for guys in their 40s.
carhill Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I think the girls who move on so swiftly were not so much into their partners when they broke up IMO, this has traction and applies to men as well. Additionally, the dynamic could be global as opposed to at breakup, unless that is what you meant. Global meaning 'into their partner' from early times. I have some experience with those who 'think relationships' and, like most logical and pragmatic processes, there is a next step, moving on. It happens and then the next step occurs, for some entering another relationship. To me, that is the 'dark side' and I've felt that tug and am resisting it so far. This is part of the work during the 'alone time' currently experienced. And who has "orbiters?" None of the women I know do. IME, those who do are generally ones who send out a vulnerable 'need a companion' vibe to men. This is done through expression, body language, touch and words. As a recent example (I have many), I experienced a change with a particular friend of my exW's where this was described in detail and posted about it in one of my journals here. Her words, touch, body language, even smell changed a couple years ago and, viola, she and her H are now nearly done with their D and she's had a boyfriend for over a year now. I got caught up in that 'aura' while still married but MC kept me from becoming an orbiter male. It helped me understand the signs. In the animal world, I liken it (in a woman) to the genitals of a female animal swelling and displaying sights and smells to males during her heat. Males begin to orbit. It's part of nature. In a man, he will begin to collect a harem of women he's 'paying attention to', albeit perhaps innocently, using his charm and charisma. Some men are better at this than others, of course, just like some ladies are better at attracting orbiters than others. Are they 'good' people in the relationship 'market'? Sure, some can be. Each person's definition of good is unique. If one is attracted, there's a lot of good to be found in the object of their attraction. Human emotion is an often nebulous quantity.
g450 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Yeah irc, it seems a crapload of women occupy at least one of the following: 1. Divorced. 2. Single mother. 3. Crazy cat lady. 4. Rejected woman who lives with her parents and is bitter toward men. 5. Whore. Many women my age (27) fall into these categories. I'm sure it's worse for guys in their 40s. LOL well I have dated all the above and most were a combination of one or more off your list. From my own experience I dated for only two years and you might say I was snatched up pretty quick. I was 48 when my XW divorced me and at the time had low self esteem and still had issues with my XW for about a year after the divorce. What I found out was that good guys like me are in very hight demand. Hell Im 50 now and my new wife lets me know what a catch I was. She couldnt ask me fast enough about what my plans were regarding possible re-marriage. So yeah, it seems most single women and men in their middle age have issues. And I hate to say it but women especially it seems. Met some nice ladies but most were hopless cases that will probably be single for a very long time. And to be honest, my new wife also had issues and baggage, 3kids, 3fathers, Separated, Still had issues with her cheating H etc you name it. So it's really up to you to sort through the baggage to see if she is worth it or not. It's a personal decision. I helped her sort all hers issues out for the most part and we are happilly married. So far so good, so it can be done. OTOH if I had to do it again I certainly would NEVER date a separated woman again. A women who has been separated for years and is still not divorced is a hughered flag that I somehow didnt want to see that fact and it cause me many problem in our two year courtship. Just saying that if you are looking for that perfect, baggage free single person out there, you are wasting time because that perfect woman doesnt exist.
KathyM Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 It's not just women that are meeting and getting into relationships soon after their divorce, or their prior relationship ending, or their spouse passing away. It's men also. I know a lot of quality people that did not stay single for long. Several of them--both men and women. Not every relationship will work out, of course, but people who are relationship-minded and have a lot going for them don't tend to stay single and alone for long, so if you're waiting until a certain amount of time has passed before approaching someone, chances are, someone will have already taken them off of the dating market in the meantime.
mortensorchid Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Very few women out there are single by choice no matter what they say. I think most spend most of their time hoping against hope that maybe someday, somehow that next person they are going to meet is Mr. Right. And the same goes for guys no matter what they say either. They like to tell you that they feel pressured by you to do something that they don't want to, they don't want children, they hate this or that, etc. But then they marry the next one that comes along. Let whoever they marry take all their abuse and demands, life is too short.
phineas Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 THIS.....this woman I'm talking to seems to be one of the good ones...however, she's been divorced only 2 months, and says she's still recovering and just looking for friends. With what YOU just said, should I hang around until she's healed so no other schmuck grabs her when she's ready? LOL I've been in this situation & played it out. For me the result was I was good enough to keep her company but too fat to date her & found out she was sleeping with the ex from 5yrs previous whom she broke up with because he didn't want to marry her. Now, I believe if I looked like I do now back then she would of dated me & forgotten the ex. so if you are attractive to her & treat her like a friend (don't stop trying to date others) you got your foot in the door. If you let her make you an exclusive friends without benefits (psudo dating) your done.
Leopard Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Hmm... Well the only times I am single is after I break up with a boyfriend. So I can't really say. I think the kind of women you meet or are attracted to are the relationship kind. Maybe that's why when you meet these women they are usually either divorced or hurting. You are probably attracted to the relationship kind of woman and not the single woman who bangs, has flings and forgets about it. I think maybe that's why you find yourself in this situation.
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