irc333 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I know....it's an obvious questions, but I meet a mix of women that either 1. Are totally needing to recover from a divorce, and....sometimes it'll take a few YEARS. (and who has time to wait on that , right?) 2. I saw a picture of a woman, on POF, CELEBRATING her divorce...some picture of her at a local upscale club and her caption is saying, "Celebrating divorce with my friends" Now, it's been said to not to date someone who has been RECENTLY divorced...however, are there exceptions to this rule...with regards to option #2?? Date a divorcee who does not NEED to recover, in fact date the ones that are REJOICING after a divorce?
Titanwolf Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 This is the society we live in now. I will never marry a Western woman as they've become too corrupted IMHO. Someone should laugh every time the priest says "In sickness and in health, till death do us part"
Emilia Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I'd say everyone needs to recover, those that celebrate are either liars or in denial
Author irc333 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 I'd say everyone needs to recover, those that celebrate are either liars or in denial Well, from experience, the one that is the DUMPER and not the DUMPEE, is the one to date and needs no recovery.
Algermas Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 They need to recover when they were dumb enough to sign an ironclad prenup, they're celebrating when they've managed to secure a large amount of money by virtue of being born with ovaries.
carhill Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 While the ad copy might have been marketing-speak, moving on varies from person to person. Some move on immediately; others take substantial time. A lesson learned from my own D is that, apparently, when one has had more experience with the process, it's easier to move on emotionally, since they've done it before. As a first timer, it's taken me awhile. With three under her belt, my exW was already in a new relationship before we were divorced, and that continues today about two years later. Experiences with other multi-timers support this premise. They know the drill. I feel a bit of that process now, mostly recovered. It'll be easier to 'move on' in the future for a myriad of reasons. I don't think I'll be 'celebrating' though. I don't see divorce that way. 1
Author irc333 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 With three under her belt, my exW was already in a new relationship before we were divorced, and that continues today about two years later Carhill, yeah, that's suprising that guy she's been with for 2 years, didn't end up being a fling. I want to be "that guy", that will be the guy to last that long with a woman that's divorced (or longer)
curlygirl40 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Well a handful of things to think about. Some of this is experience, some is opinion, and some is what I've watched other people go through. There is definitely a process to go through to get on the 'other side'. Denial, grief, anger, sadness..... Sometimes people have gone through that process BEFORE they file for divorce. I was one of those people. I read every book, I tried to get help for my marriage, I came to terms with the fact that it was over and I needed to move on. I grieved what I was losing. The life I always wanted. I celebrated getting 'me' back, the 'me' that was lost through years of emotional abuse and control and anger from my now X. I was looking forward to my future knowing it would be better. I did all of that before I filed. Some people don't. Some people are caught off guard when their spouse wants it to end and then have to go through all of those steps after the filing, after the separation, after the divorce. Some people, even if they initiate the divorce, do it more on the impulsive side. Or maybe they initiated because they found out their spouse had an affair. Those people are in no way ready to date because it's all too new. They have to go through the emotions first. Also remember that sometimes divorce can take a long time. 1-2 years. It's possible that even though they are newly divorced they have been separated and on their own for a long time. I also agree with Carhill that sometimes it has to do with how many divorces someone has under their belt. They know the steps, know what they need to do to get past it and they move on quicker. Food for thought. 1
carhill Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 The downside risk of quick movers and those who 'celebrate' is that the propensity will be equally in play with you/me. This is similar to relationship hoppers and/or, to resurrect a long-past LS moniker, monkey-branchers. There's a psychology of holding on loosely which can portend a quick exit. I see signs of some of those changes in myself and am watching it carefully, as such is not my historical style. 1
Emilia Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 There's a psychology of holding on loosely which can portend a quick exit. I see signs of some of those changes in myself and am watching it carefully, as such is not my historical style. Yes I stopped this developing in myself as well
wow04 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I'd say everyone needs to recover, those that celebrate are either liars or in denial You are right everyone does need to recover. I celebrated my divorce, but I wasn't a liar or in denial. I celebrated finally being untied to an abusive man. What I had to recover from was the years of abuse I took. 1
Bristolius Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 My divorce? It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. 1
CopingGal Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I don't see anything wrong with celebrating, especially if your spouse treated you like crap. You can be happy it's over, or still hurting and still celebrate. Sometimes divorce takes a long time to happen through the courts. It could be that by the time it comes about, the person is over it. I'm celebrating the resolve of my relationship that happened a year ago. After everything he did to me, I deserve to. I wish I had celebrated the day I left him. 1
Author irc333 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 There's this one woman I know....we "went out" a few times...hung out at her place, even got pretty intimate...but she wanted a FWB relationship, and didn't want to date me. I found it to be an odd set up, but I didn't want that....I asked her why, and she said that we just don't have much in common....I think she was talking about my nerdy activities, and she's kind of into the "girly girly, foo-foo" stuff. However, I think she was attracted to me enough to fool around physically, thought I was just simply a sweet guy, and was keeping her company while she was single. BUT< she was divorced for 3 years and STILL not over it. Apparently her ex husband moved on, dated another woman, she moved in with him, and now they're with child...and it irritates her to no avail how far he's gotten with a new woman in his life, a house, and she's in a stinky studio apartment. She really despises her ex that that he's moved on, and she's still single.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I depends on the people involved and their unique experiences and personalities. In the case of the celebrator, she may have come to despise the guy where just being around him was torture. I don't see anything to lament and do penance over for months--she won her freedom and who knows, maybe the guy deserves to pay some healthy alimony. In my own experience however I've learned to be wary of the story--I got serious with someone who claimed her ex just up and divorced her out of the blue. I was to find out the hard way why--she was absolutely impossible to get along with.
FitChick Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 My friend just divorced her husband. She is much happier now. He was a very controlling, high maintenance man who belittled her and cheated on her when she was pregnant. While she is thrilled to be single, she is not ready to date and says she will never remarry. She and her husband make the same amount of money by the way -- $150K -- and she paid him for his share of their house. Everyone reacts differently because everyone is different and married different people and had different kinds of marriages. 1
Radu Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I know....it's an obvious questions, but I meet a mix of women that either 1. Are totally needing to recover from a divorce, and....sometimes it'll take a few YEARS. (and who has time to wait on that , right?) 2. I saw a picture of a woman, on POF, CELEBRATING her divorce...some picture of her at a local upscale club and her caption is saying, "Celebrating divorce with my friends" Now, it's been said to not to date someone who has been RECENTLY divorced...however, are there exceptions to this rule...with regards to option #2?? Date a divorcee who does not NEED to recover, in fact date the ones that are REJOICING after a divorce? Yes, date them casually and don't listen to their drivel about how bad their ex's were. It would be worth listening if not all of them were to say that.
Manimal Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I bartend four nights a week for the extra dough and my clientele tend to be 50+, so I've witnessed a few people going through divorces. I have one customer, let's call her Elizabeth, who's 50-something and just recently divorced her husband. She started coming to my bar as the divorce was just getting started and after a period of time she opened up to me about it. She was thrilled to be divorcing, as she made it abundantly clear that her husband was the vile avatar of a Sumerian demon or something. She was still living in the same house as he was and she would often remark how awkward and inconvenient the situation had become. She's a fairly attractive lady and would dress to emphasize her ample bust. It was apparent that she was reveling in her sexuality now, probably feeling liberated from the barrier of marriage. She even made a few passes at me, but knowing I'm married and unsure of whether or not I would cheat, she never fully outright asked me to. I've seen her hook up with a few of my customers, though, and she was a bit embarrassed by it (or at least by me knowing), but we got some laughs out of it. She was stressed out mostly about the living situation (which she has since changed) and how the court was going to decide what she got in regards to her husband's business, but she was definitely in a celebratory mode for the longest time. Her divorce is now final and I see a little less of her (as she now has to work full-time), but she seems a little more grounded now and less the liberated sexpot she came across initially. I think she was just excited by being single again and enjoyed it while it lasted. I don't think most people celebrate divorces unless the marriage was a maelstrom of diseased behavior. I guess it really depends on the situation and reason for divorce, and the person's side of the coin. 1
veggirl Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I would view the celebration of a divorce, or celebration of the dissolving of any serious R really, to be a red flag. If you are celebrating finally being free of someone who treated you terribly and was a horrible partner...how did you end up with them for so long in the first place? Truth is, people don't change over night, if red flags were ignored to the point that you arrived at the ALTAR with this person, well that says something about you. Not something good! 1
OliveOyl Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I would view the celebration of a divorce, or celebration of the dissolving of any serious R really, to be a red flag. If you are celebrating finally being free of someone who treated you terribly and was a horrible partner...how did you end up with them for so long in the first place? Truth is, people don't change over night, if red flags were ignored to the point that you arrived at the ALTAR with this person, well that says something about you. Not something good! True, people don't change overnight, but they DO (we all do) change over the course of 5, 10, and 20 years. Celebrating divorce doesn't mean that the union was a terrible one. It just means one is happy to be able to move on to the next phase of their life. Divorce can be a long drawn out process. The "celebration" part can mean you're just glad you made it through the court system and waiting period. Imagine if every time you broke up with someone, you had to go through a mandatory 2-month period until you were "officially" broken up. You'd usually be glad that period was over regardless of the nature of the former relationship. 1
louise_23 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 if my mum could afford a divorce i would be so happy for her id throw a party of.massive proportions. like super sweet seperation. whats not to celebrate? getting rid of some.loser husband thats abusive, controlling and plain nasty. i think people that celebrate their divorce are brilliant. dont dwell on loss, look forward to life without the scumbag marital partner. woooooohoooooo. 1
bac Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 2. I saw a picture of a woman, on POF, CELEBRATING her divorce...some picture of her at a local upscale club and her caption is saying, "Celebrating divorce with my friends" that are REJOICING after a divorce? What is wrong with celebrating the divorce if a woman had a terrible husband for many years? She was so depressed and unhappy for many years and she was not able to get rid of her husband for some reasons (probably, because of children or financial security) . Finally, she got a chance to enjoy her life, be happy and she wants to celebrate that. 1
Woggle Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 If she had a horrible husband that would be one thing but if she were the typical walkaway wife I would say next.
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