without Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I've been reading so much stories here and there that I'm becoming rather pessimist about the whole idea of dating.. I mean people fall out of love, cheat, leave and ... so easily... How can one still date?
Titanwolf Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Don't worry OP. Loveshack doesn't represent the real world in any significance. You've just come to a concentrated place, where people gather to talk about dating, often negatively. So I'm not surprised you've been become so pessimistic towards it. Some fall "out of love" (who created that stupid phrase, it's a joke ), cheat, lie and emotionally torture their partners. Some, commit, cherish, share and forsake all others for their partners. Everyone is an individual so you can't become preoccupied with such negativity towards dating, because it's ultimately the other party who will help determine whether a relationship is "good" or whether it's "bad". If you find that person, the rest lays on your shoulders. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 (edited) Consider it a training course on what not to do But really, most people come here with issues and problems they're having in the dating world or relationships (which is a broad term in this day and age) so you're obviously going to see a lot of negative things going around because a lot of people are at wits end or reaching out for advice and a non-biased opinion. Not to mention just venting anonymously...that's the main grab right there, they can really say how they feel without being known. Most people aren't going to come on here to tell you that their relationship is great, even If they do it just looks like they're bragging or basking in their own happiness which most people won't appreciate! Also most of what people have issues or complain about situations that could be/have been avoided altogether by not making themselves apart of the equation, but they'd rather beat their head against a wall out of their own free will, It's something they are choosing to do...and you don't have to make the same choices and get yourself knee deep before you cut it loose. This is definitely one facet of dating life, In a lot ways there are many negative things out there but it's like anything else in life...It's how you deal with them and negotiate these things, that's what makes one persons life drastically different in experience than someone else. It also can definitely be a bit depressing, so don't spend too much time here If that's what it's doing for you. Edited July 5, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas 1
Philosoraptor Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I've been reading so much stories here and there that I'm becoming rather pessimist about the whole idea of dating.. I mean people fall out of love, cheat, leave and ... so easily... How can one still date? If you ask me honestly, dating sucks. But it's a necessary path in order to get to know someone to determine if you'd like something more with them. Just take it as it is, use your people picker, and be patient enough to find a good match. A lot of the issues come from people jumping on the first thing that wants them rather than getting down to the core of the person and deciding that they are someone they'd like something serious with. 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Philosoraptor mentioned a good point in terms of dating as well in terms of people picking, and maybe it's worth my personal experience/attitude towards dating. Maybe it's worth expressing how I feel on this one. Personally I don't have a negative attitude towards dating or meeting new people. I see it as generally a positive and exciting thing, because you don't know who's around the corner...you don't know the potential or who you'll meet. Does that mean I always enjoy doing it? no, I wasn't built for the kind of a world in many ways and I have my own obstacles. I take my time and am not in a rush, I get to know people, exchange personal details about who I am that are genuine and look for "natural" connections, chemistry, not try to fabricate them (I'm not one of those friends to lovers people)...and I am completely myself from the beginning, not someone else or trying to be because I am confident in who I am. I really try to get to know the person for who they really are not just what they do, what their level of education is, what their flaws or negatives are that make them less than perfect or ideal...and that's mainly because I am a romantic and believe in something greater than that...maybe in a strange way that makes it easier or more at peace for me even though I seek something much more rare that people only consider as an afterthought, after they found that ideal person on paper and superficially. I don't have one of those lists and "deal breakers" that you'll see many people refer to on this site, I look for compatibility and since I know myself well, I know what I want and need from a woman, I know who works for me. And I don't react impulsively just because i find someone very attractive or date someone out of desperation or because they have a few things that I like about them and too afraid to let it go or just want to see what happens or unfolds, I'm not really afraid...I think fear is a horrible thing to let control your decisions in dating/relationships and life. I see a lot of great women out there, I come across them all the time, even on these forums...some that are compatible with me and some that are not even though they are still great women. I don't expect women to chase me and I don't expect to chase them, I want something reciprocating and mutual. Do things always turn out for the best? I think they do honestly even If you don't agree with it and complain about because you refuse to learn from the experience. I think many people make choices based on their own faults and issues not because of what someone else did to you...nobody held a gun to your head, you put your head in front of it and then got upset when you get shot. People really need to learn to take more responsibility for the actions that they do, instead of doing things with an agenda and becoming upset when it is not returned...you need to always make sure that the other person is on the same thing, communication is so important. So when you have all these issues and problems in life I think people get the wrong idea and start blaming others, instead of thinking of what they did to cause this or be apart of it, what could they have done differently, and why do you expect others to save you, why don't you save yourself, why don't you protect your own heart? it's yours, not theirs...take care of yourself, care about you just not someone else. Life is not about the world conforming to who you are and what you need, it's about finding how you fit into it being you, how do you be the best you can be, how to get what you desire and need? how do determine what your life is going to be and is it really just a coincidence that you find yourself in the same situations over and over or is it you or something you could be doing better to chance it? just because you failed after an attempt doesn't mean there's nothing that can change it, that just means what you did to fix it was the wrong thing...and is someone really doing this to you? Do you just blame someone or something else forever? When do you take responsibility not just for something but for everything you do and have a hand in? because as long as you are apart of the equation, you have the choice to change things, you always have a decision. 1
neiljohnson85 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Well, the reason our reader wrote is that the clash of perspectives between her and her boyfriend is stressful. She doesn't want more of the same, but is hoping for an improvement in the situation. Besides, even if we assume she wishes to be compassionate and accept her boyfriend unconditionally, compassion must be balanced with good judgment. For example, I recently read about a man that wants to help pedophiles after their release from prison. Psychologists generally believe that pedophiles cannot be cured, and, consequently, always pose a threat to society. Yet, I admire the gentleman who is compassionate enough to want to help them.
El Brujo Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Some of us still fall for that damn fool idea there's such a thing as love... but life has taught me that women and most men are incapable of love. Instead, we'll just have to settle for a grotesque parody of love.
Titanwolf Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Some of us still fall for that damn fool idea there's such a thing as love... but life has taught me that women and most men are incapable of love. Instead, we'll just have to settle for a grotesque parody of love. I've since stopped using that overused, undervalued word "Love". I think the words "Bond" or "Attachment" better suits the concept of lasting "Love". As someone previously mentioned, it's better to believe in "attachment" or "bonds", as those types of relationships are often, the most fulfilling long-term. People talking about their romantic ideals blah blah blah, shutup. Romance doesn't last forever. I'd prefer a wife that I could rely on, that works with me and understands that that annoying "Honeymoon" period won't last forever. When it does end, I believe that's when the good old-fashioned "Love" concept comes into play. Society has warped it's definition. Arigato Hollywood 1
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