brandon_4385 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 (edited) Hey guys. Very new to the board but after doing some searching, I found this to be a great place for relationship advice. I'm 27 years old and my story is I've been dating/going steady with a 23 year old woman for 3 1/2 years and I can't seem to let go of past hurts. I've dated and talked to a few gals in the past who honestly led me on so much and then completely abandoned me without explanation why. I was raised in a great, loving home with an awesome family who taught me right from wrong and my mental health is great here but I think I've been hurt so much by other women in the past that it's hard for me to forget what my current girlfriend has done to me in the past. She had 2 previous relationships, one...and engagement that ended after 7 years because her fiancee cheated. Two...she had a "best" friend that she hung out with a lot and she revealed to me that they had a one night stand at one point in their friendship. After we got together it was hard for her to let go of this "best friend" guy. I made it clear it made me uncomfortable that she was still talking to him a lot. He would call her and text her frequently. He would call her drunk at a friends' house and she would go pick him up and take him home. The first year of our relationship was really rough for me because not only did she do those things for him but one time I called her and she completely lied to me. Her and her girlfriend ended up staying in a hotel one night with him...I called her, she was a little drunk and it completely devastated me. The next day she said was sorry and it would never happen again. She explained that nothing ever happened between them. She said that her and her girlfriend slept in another bed while he slept in the other. However, she confessed he did hug her before he left the next morning. Later that day, I ended up going to her house and we got into a very huge argument. She ended up saying she was sorry but the hurt was already seeded. I couldn't sleep that night knowing what was going on. My girlfriend is someone who likes to keep things of the past and recently while repairing her laptop I found screenshots of past chat messages and between her and her best friend. Just to say, these messages where to the extent of her asking if he was alone, etc. All of this was while she was dating me! Fast forward two more years and she seems shes changed a lot since then. She completely cut this guy from her life (so I think.) She's faithful, we are constantly talking to each other and spending time together. But when I seen those messages and pictures this weekend, I showed them to her and her reaction wasn't calm. She started getting really aggravated and upset to the point of her telling me to leave. She wouldn't let me see the other pictures and messages. So I left and here I am now. For the past 3 years, when we do get into arguments, I sometimes bring up the past and what she has done to me. I know it hurts her and I don't mean to hurt her. My gut feeling is telling me she is hiding something from me from her past and it leads me to believe something she did with this guy. I really do love her with all my heart and I've been thinking about marriage more and more everyday but these things from the past or what she maybe hiding from me may really hinder that. I feel in my heart that she's the one for me but sometimes I doubt her and my trust in her. We've talked about these things before but she tells me I don't need to worry. She seems regretful sometimes and then sometimes my gut tells me she still has some feelings for this guy. I do want to take our relationship to the next step but this one thing is hindering me. Am I paranoid or holding on too much? Thank you guys for taking the time to read this. Edited July 5, 2012 by brandon_4385
Philosoraptor Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 You either forgive her or you let her go. If you feel you can't trust her though that is a very bad sign and you need to decide what you want to do with that. You can either go with it and end things, work through it together (couples therapy?), or repress it and allow it to continue to come up randomly. Just because they had a sexual relationship doesn't mean her feelings are of more than friends. She's pretty much stopped communication with a long time friend to continue in this relationship. That seems like a pretty big step to be willing to take for someone. 1
runner Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 OP, have you actually tried interacting with this 'best friend' of hers ? just because they had that at one time doesn't mean it's the same in the present. in other words, you could be blowing things out of proportion due to your own insecurities.
Author brandon_4385 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 We will need to talk this over but it's going to be difficult. I haven't tried interacting with her best friend because he is a very hostile and rude person. I would end up having to use my 4 years of martial arts skills for him to listen. Even my girlfriend told me he would want to fight.
Recommended Posts