imabouttoblowup Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 So the 4th of July has passed and I'm depressed and frustrated. I hate this time of year. Everyone out with their loved ones having a good time. Last month I find out a guy I was talking to for over a year was flirting with girls on a website behind my back and lying about it. I ended it and since I have been depressed and lonely. Why do people have to be so cruel? I haven't had a real relationship in about 2 years and that one screwed me over pretty bad, and feelings of hatred still come over, I still think about it and wanna cry or hit something. No I do not want him or the other guy that I was recently talking to. I do however want the whole relationship feeling back. Attention and affection, genuine love, passion in this dull ass, loveless life... I was just in this dating website chatroom (for the company, I know, pathetic) and witnessed these users leaving the room to talk privately and I felt jealous and like crap. How come I can't find a nice guy to connect with on these dating sites like those two did? How come I can't, for the life of me, meet a man who I connect with in real life? I am 22, so yes I'm young but it seems guys just don't like me that way (except for uglies or players). I'm moving on a college campus in the Fall and am hoping I meet someone to end this loneliness and sexual frustration, but at this point I'm just depressed and ughhhh, just sick of it already. 1
Teal Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Nice things will be nice things. I've met a few people I'd trust without hesitation over the past couple of years, but I was always too slow to actually say something and others snapped them up. I've been tentatively gambling elsewhere with no luck. I'm thinking about getting a dog to cuddle to death. Worst case scenario, I'll have someone who also hates drama and doesn't want a quickie to curl up with at night and am happier and healthier for it. Best case scenario, I'm thinking clearer and less emotional, and find a match as a result. You don't know at a glance if two people hooking up are nice, going to last, etc.
mortensorchid Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I know where you are, I am there as well. There are times I feel like I am grasping at straws in the world. OLD as well as RL. All you can do is try different avenues, change things up, and then things will fall into place. Life changing moments (good and bad) happen when you least expect them to. Things will always happen to us, even if it's silly or mundane or whatever else it may be. And you also have to be open to anything and everything. Don't shut someone out because you do not their appearance or something trivial. You never know what is out there. But in the meantime, be positive about being alone. I see the happy couples out there as well, and I also realize that they are lucky people. You could be with someone who does not love or appreciate you, and nothing is worse.
dark1san Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I'm sorry you feel that way, not all us guys are bad, some of us go through that same feeling that you're talking about. I keep getting the whole, you're too nice for me, or you're not what I'm looking for. You said you want a nice guy, I'm pretty sure I'm not chopped liver. But you know what, there is someone out there for all of us, sometimes when you least expect it, they tap you on the shoulder and plant an everlasting kiss on your lips. And then you're done , he or she is yours for the taking.
Teal Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 There's probably dozens of guys that are going to fill her inbox with solicitations before this thread hits 3 pages. That happens here?
SunandMoon Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Haven't had a real relationship in two years? Try 5. It can be a bummer, but there is always something around the corner. Whether it is a realtionship or just something to lift those spirits. But for the timebeing you say you're frustrated, do you have any hobbies that can occupy your time, keep your mind elsewhere other than on those feelings of loneliness? Like Motensorchid said; be positive. You may be alone but you also don't have to put up with someone's crap. lol
Jane2011 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 (edited) I feel your pain. It's been two years since I've had a serious boyfriend, and almost seven months since the last short-lived relationship I had. I miss feeling in love the way I did, years ago, when I first met my boyfriend. I also miss the sex and companionship I had with the guy from November and December of last year. Like someone else said, though, be patient; there's always something just around the corner. People always think it's "the end" of their dating life, but it never is. Someone will come along and excite you. And it's true that people go 4 or 5 years without a serious relationship, but inevitably Mr. or Ms. Right comes along. While I was in a five year relationship, my boyfriend and I had a number of single friends who we (I, anyway) saw as "perpetually single." They were single the whole time he and I were together, just about. But now that I am broken up and single, some of those people are in relationships. Pretty lasting ones, so far. So...it's a cycle. In two years, their relationships may or may not exist anymore, and I might just be starting one. That being said, I'm very cynical and without hope of late. OkCupid is the only effort I'm making, and I don't like anyone who's messaged me. The thing that's keeping me going is that I have a non-dating-related goal that I'm after; I'm very preoccupied with that. Plus, I'm hanging with my family a lot. And seeing friends for lunches, etc. It's actually kind of fun being this sane, even-keeled, not-dating person who's not feeling neurotic about some guy. Edited July 5, 2012 by Jane2011
Jane2011 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 p.s. Love your screen name - "imabouttoblowup" So melodramatic, lol
somedude81 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I feel your pain. It's been two years since I've had a serious boyfriend, and almost seven months since the last short-lived relationship I had. I miss feeling in love the way I did, years ago, when I first met my boyfriend. I also miss the sex and companionship I had with the guy from November and December of last year. You feel that way too? My sympathies. And it's true that people go 4 or 5 years without a serious relationship, but inevitably Mr. or Ms. Right comes along. That being said, I'm very cynical and without hope of late. OkCupid is the only effort I'm making, and I don't like anyone who's messaged me. Oh, you're making no effort at all, waiting for Mr. Right and don't like anybody who has reached out to you so far? I take back what I said before
monkey00 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I was going through the same rough patch as you a few months ago. If you ask me, I'd say 22 is the perfect age to be single. This should be the time about you. Partying, working on your career/masters and climbing the corporate ladder. Meeting new people, making new friends, and dating people along the way. Considering these days in America more and more people are settling down and getting married well into their late 20's & early 30's. I'm single too and I was out with my friend on July 4th doing activities and hitting up a bbq. Nothing wrong with being single on a national holiday. Maybe you just need to make some friends to fill that void and improve your social life? That's the way it'll go. Usually friends who are in relationships will hang out with others who are too and the singles will hangout with the singles. I don't really hangout with my friends who are in R these days because they're often busy, usually I spend my free time with my single buddies.
Leopard Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 (edited) I felt like this for a very very long time. I always wondered why everybody had someone and I was always alone. Then I realized that I was too picky and that's why I didn't like any of the guys who came around, and that's why I was alone. When I started settling for guys and started having relationships, I wasn't as lonely because at least I had something to talk about, someone to spend occasions with... Do you think maybe you are too picky? Maybe that's why you've resorted to dating companies and online dating? Because there's just nothing good out there? If that's the case, then you really should just lower your standards. That's what I did and it's far better than being alone all the time. Spending it with friends isn't the same. No one loves you and adores you, no one buys you flowers and takes you on dates. It feels amazing even though it's not with "prince charming". Edited July 5, 2012 by Leopard 1
somedude81 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I felt like this for a very very long time. I always wondered why everybody had someone and I was always alone. Then I realized that I was too picky and that's why I didn't like any of the guys who came around, and that's why I was alone. When I started settling for guys and started having relationships, I wasn't as lonely because at least I had something to talk about, someone to spend occasions with... Do you think maybe you are too picky? Maybe that's why you've resorted to dating companies and online dating? Because there's just nothing good out there? If that's the case, then you really should just lower your standards. That's what I did and it's far better than being alone all the time. Spending it with friends isn't the same. No one loves you and adores you, no one buys you flowers and takes you on dates. It feels amazing even though it's not with "prince charming". Wohoo! I love it when women actually make the effort to realize what is wrong and change themselves. Pretty much every girl who has "problems" with dating and has been single for a while and is lonely needs to lower her f-ing standards. There are lots of great guys out there, no they don't have 6-packs or make 6 figures or speak 6 languages. But do you really even want a 666 man? 2
Titanwolf Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Wohoo! I love it when women actually make the effort to realize what is wrong and change themselves. Pretty much every girl who has "problems" with dating and has been single for a while and is lonely needs to lower her f-ing standards. There are lots of great guys out there, no they don't have 6-packs or make 6 figures or speak 6 languages. But do you really even want a 666 man? Liked for the "666 man". Ironically, we associate positive traits with physical beauty. The irony is that, it's usually the most "beautiful" people that do the most hideous things. 1
Leopard Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 The irony is that, it's usually the most "beautiful" people that do the most hideous things. I don't agree with this. Looks have nothing to do with how someone is inside (I don't mean ego or self-centerdness). I mean how good or bad someone is inside. Looks have very little to do with it. And I don't blame people for wanting physical beauty in their partner. Who doesn't? They just need to realize it isn't the end of the world if their partner isn't the hottest or most attractive thing. There are other things that are more important that last longer than looks ever could. As for somedude, I have a 6 pack and I speak 6 languages! Don't make 6 figures but I'm on my way there (eventually hehehe) Does that make me evil?
Jane2011 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 (edited) You feel that way too? My sympathies. Oh, you're making no effort at all, waiting for Mr. Right and don't like anybody who has reached out to you so far? I take back what I said before Oh please. Like I want your sympathy anyway. I've been proactive tons in my life. That's how it is that I've had half the boyfriends I've had... Everyone's entitled to taking a break for a while, which you know was the subtext of my post. Edited July 5, 2012 by Jane2011
somedude81 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Liked for the "666 man". Ironically, we associate positive traits with physical beauty. The irony is that, it's usually the most "beautiful" people that do the most hideous things. I don't agree with this. Looks have nothing to do with how someone is inside (I don't mean ego or self-centerdness). I mean how good or bad someone is inside. Looks have very little to do with it. Yeah, it's a little off to think that looks are relevant to what people do. And I don't blame people for wanting physical beauty in their partner. Who doesn't? They just need to realize it isn't the end of the world if their partner isn't the hottest or most attractive thing. There are other things that are more important that last longer than looks ever could. Exactly. Many qualities that many women look for or even require, have absolutely no relevance to how good the relationship can be. All they are doing is excluding men who could actually be perfect for them. As for somedude, I have a 6 pack and I speak 6 languages! Don't make 6 figures but I'm on my way there (eventually hehehe) Does that make me evil? Not yet, but you're almost there
Titanwolf Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I don't agree with this. Looks have nothing to do with how someone is inside Does that make me evil? I think you'll find that an ugly person, will grow up with a completely different frame of mind, to an attractive person. That affects development and how they perceive the world. It's simple fact that humans are partial to an attractive face. That affects subconsciously affects how they treat you. They treat you well-you develop well, maybe a little arrogant or egotistical, but better than how an ugly person would develop, after being shafted their whole lives. Looks have a lot to do with personality. 1
somedude81 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Oh please. Like I want your sympathy anyway. I've been proactive tons in my life. That's how it is that I've had half the boyfriends I've had... Everyone's entitled to taking a break for a while, which you know was the subtext of my post. Nope, I didn't get the impression that you were taking a break from dating. All I got was that you were sad and lonely, and weren't going to do a thing about it, and still be picky. If that's not the case, then my mistake.
Jane2011 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Nope, I didn't get the impression that you were taking a break from dating. All I got was that you were sad and lonely, and weren't going to do a thing about it, and still be picky. If that's not the case, then my mistake. Well, I used the wording "of late," which means "lately." It's come across in my posts recently, as well, that I'm somewhat stepping back for a while; you may not have caught every single post I've written, but that is true. At any rate, I have, in fact, "gone after" men/dating/etc. plenty, in my life in general and in recent years. I have my reasons for stepping back for a while, doesn't mean I'll never be proactive again. I don't think my post actually said I will be picky, but yes, I will be picky. I'm not going to date someone who is below my standards and just end up treating him poorly because I don't *really* like him.
Leopard Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I think you'll find that an ugly person, will grow up with a completely different frame of mind, to an attractive person. That affects development and how they perceive the world. It's simple fact that humans are partial to an attractive face. That affects subconsciously affects how they treat you. They treat you well-you develop well, maybe a little arrogant or egotistical, but better than how an ugly person would develop, after being shafted their whole lives. Looks have a lot to do with personality. Oh yes of course! But I didn't mean personality, I mean how bad or good someone is, as in, how pretty you are won't determine if you turn into a liar or a murderer of some sort. Looks can dictate certain attitudes and outlooks, but not fundamentally someone's moral ethic. At least I don't think so 1
Jane2011 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Nope, I didn't get the impression that you were taking a break from dating. All I got was that you were sad and lonely, and weren't going to do a thing about it, and still be picky. If that's not the case, then my mistake. And actually, I didn't say I was sad and lonely. I said I could relate to how she feels ("I feel your pain"), but that I was actually doing okay, myself, 'cause I've had a project and have been spending time with friends and family. Just because one says she can relate to how another feels doesn't mean she is feeling it nearly as intensely as the person she's speaking to. I'm definitely not. So you're misreading everything.
Leopard Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 (edited) I don't think my post actually said I will be picky, but yes, I will be picky. I'm not going to date someone who is below my standards and just end up treating him poorly because I don't *really* like him. Hmmm...I understand what you mean, and you don't want to just settle for "some dood" just because you can't find what you are looking for.. ....but I don't think you would treat a guy poorly if he was below your standards. After all, we set our standards fairly high. If you would date someone completely repulsive, rude, disrespectful etc then of course you would treat him like crap. But I am in a relationship with my current boyfriend who is below my standards, yet he is still an amazing person and I have never treated anyone as good as I treat him. I know what you mean, but I think if you meet a great man (even still below your standards), you might realize that he is still worthy of you treating him well because even though he isn't as up to par as you would like, it doesn't make him a bad person. Edited July 5, 2012 by Leopard 1
somedude81 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Hmmm...I understand what you mean, and you don't want to just settle for "some dood" just because you can't find what you are looking for.. ....but I don't think you would treat a guy poorly if he was below your standards. After all, we set our standards fairly high. If you would date someone completely repulsive, rude, disrespectful etc then of course you would treat him like crap. But I am in a relationship with my current boyfriend who is below my standards, yet he is still an amazing person and I have never treated anyone as good as I treat him. I know what you mean, but I think if you meet a great man (even still below your standards), you might realize that he is still worthy of you treating him well because even though he isn't as up to par as you would like, it doesn't make him a bad person. I wish more women were like you, and to actually meet one of them.
Jane2011 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Hmmm...I understand what you mean, and you don't want to just settle for "some dood" just because you can't find what you are looking for.. ....but I don't think you would treat a guy poorly if he was below your standards. After all, we set our standards fairly high. If you would date someone completely repulsive, rude, disrespectful etc then of course you would treat him like crap. But I am in a relationship with my current boyfriend who is below my standards, yet he is still an amazing person and I have never treated anyone as good as I treat him. I know what you mean, but I think once you meet a man who is still below your standards, you might realize that he is still worthy of you treating him well because even though he isn't as up to par as you would like, it doesn't make them a bad person. Totally get what you're saying. And I agree. Of late, though, my prospects are not even close to what I want. There's a big difference between being open-minded and going drastically below (or different) from one's basic attractions.
Jane2011 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 The other thing is that I don't think I'm incapable of getting what I want, so I'm not presently going to change it. It'd be different if I decided that the men I like are out of my league, and I really need to get realistic. But if I don't believe the men I like are out of my league (and I don't, because I don't have the totally exaggerated 'six pack, speaks six languages, model-esue" standards that are spoken of in this thread), then there's no compelling reason to lower my standards. I think I pretty much like in a guy the same things I have to offer, physically and other-wise.
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