I cheated in a long relationship and now am "catching feelings."

[neveragain2493]

I know I'll probably get some nasty judgments for this, but I just want a neutral opinion. I've been in a relationship for 2 and a half years, and my boyfriend and I have had rough times. He's cheated on me in the past, and he's gone through phases where he wasn't sure how he felt about me anymore, but I stayed with him because I was crazy about him. I lost my virginity to him. Now, the tables have turned, and I'm not sure what to do.

 

My best girl friend has a few guy friends, and I met them last week. One of them is my perfect type, and I kept telling my friend how cute he was. They were having a party that Saturday, so we planned on going. My friend showed me where he told her I was cute, so I was excited. Saturday night, after drinking, we were flirting the whole time. We kissed and went to his room. Against my better judgment, we had sex (he was my second). We literally sat there and talked for hours after that about our lives, interests, religion, politics, etc. We had a big connection. We had sex again that night, and I left before he woke up.

Later that day, I texted him and told him how much I enjoyed getting to know him. He basically told me that I was awesome, and that we could be great friends for now, but he wasn't in a place in his life for anything real to develop because his heart was still occupied (he isn't over his ex). I said that was fine, and he said he was glad I was mature enough to understand. We talked all of the next day, and he told me they planned on having another get together last night.

Of course, my friend and I went. We didn't talk as much, but he did keep coming up to me, hugging me, and kissing me on the forehead/cheek. He told me I looked great. Eventually, he went into his room, and I followed. When we were in there, he told me he didn't want me to catch feelings because he wasn't special, and that he didn't want to hurt me. I told him not to worry about me and getting attached, that I was very into him, and that we could just go with it. He said that was fine, so we had sex and then fell asleep. I told him goodbye this morning, and I haven't heard from him all of today.

 

I have seen my boyfriend since then, and I've literally just been depressed the entire day. I feel guilty, but I really can't feel much of anything for him right now. I wouldn't want to see him with someone else, but I feel like we've been together so long that I need to feel what it's like to be single. I keep saying I'm going to go with the flow and see how I feel, but that's easier said than done.

This other guy has told my friend that he thought I was awesome because he's never had sexual contact with a girl he could talk to for hours. He's basically great for me, but I can't be stupid enough to chase someone who has emotional baggage. Still, I can't help but feel something for him. My friend tells me I need to step back from the situation and think. Should I try to talk to him? What do I do?

[Chi townD]

I feel like we've been together so long that I need to feel what it's like to be single. I keep saying I'm going to go with the flow and see how I feel, but that's easier said than done.

 

Uh huh....yeah....right. Look, don't BS a BSer. The guy you are cheating with is newly single and you are with your boyfriend. You want to be single because there's the possiblity that sooner or later this guy is going to get over his Ex and you want to be FIRST IN LINE when that happens and you can't do that if you're attached. Until then, you are more than happy to be used for sex. Thing is, you're into this guy as a person and he's into you for the sex. To be blunt with you, this guy is like, "Look I don't want to be emotionally attached to you, but your vagina looks really neat!"

 

This guy thinks you're awesome because he gets to have "no strings attached" sex! And let me ask you, does he know you have a boyfriend?

[utterer of lies]

What do I do?

 

First, you have to break up with your boyfriend. Obviously.

 

Next, you have to be on your own for a while. The new guy doesn't want you anyway, or at least not for more than just a sex buddy. In addition, you will probably suffer of heartbreak because the new guy doesn't want you.

 

Finally, you will find someone new.

[Prim3]

Break up with your boyfriend. Have the decency because you'd want the same thing if it was reversed. You can pursue the other guy once you break up with your bf.

[wow04]

Break up with your boyfriend. Forget about the other guy. He is using you for sex. You need to be single and enjoy life for a while.