Hope82 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Okay, so I'm diving back into the dating world. Three months ago, my fiance woke up and, out of the blue, decided that he didn't want to share his life with anyone. Everything seemed to be perfect up until that morning. Then he decided he wanted to quit his job and sell his house. Completely bizarre behavior, and I saw none of it coming. I read a bunch of books on commitment phobia, and this seems to happen more than I ever would have imagined. Anyway, after dropping ten pounds and basically feeling like my life was over, I've decided to get out there and stop being a hermit. Nothing will change his mind and get my "perfect" life back, so why keep wishing? I joined an online dating site a few weeks ago, and immediately reconnected with a guy I went to high school with (graduated about 12 years ago). We've actually been friends on social networking sites, but have never really hung out in person. Actually, we were going to meet a couple of years ago, but he had just gone through a breakup and wasn't ready, and I ended up meeting the guy who would eventually propose and then break my heart three months before our wedding. Anyway... so I met up with the high school guy at a park a couple of times and we just walked and talked and had a great time. Then he kissed me. I wasn't ready for that. But was I? Am I on the rebound? Anyway, the next time we hung out, we went to his place to watch a movie, but instead made some bad decisions and ended up in the bedroom. And the next night, the same thing, only he got us Chinese take out this time. And after we finished our bedroom sessions, he'd just throw on his clothes and flip on the TV or start checking his phone. Seemed a little odd to me. I really did like this guy, but this was happening too fast and it wasn't the direction I wanted to go in. Was this becoming a "friends with benefits" relationship? I couldn't tell! I let him know that I liked him and was interested in getting to know him more than just physically. But really, after that, he continued to just text me with jokes about sex. Finally the texts became annoying and I just didn't reply. They weren't too vulgar or anything, just childish I guess. So a few days passed, and he texted and asked me what happened. I let him know again that I liked him and was interested in him, but that I felt that we were skipping the "beginning". The part where we go on dates. The courting. The romantic beginning of a relationship. Somehow we skipped that part, and I want that. So he invited me out to see a movie late that night and promised that we would remain fully clothed. I was excited! We were going on a date! Then he told me to pick the movie. I let him know that I've been wanting to see The Hunger Games, but I'm not sure if he'd want to see that or not. His reply was, "Okay, but you're paying." Huh? Was this a joke? Was this guy really trying to take me out on a date? Were we friends? I'm NOT a diva, and I believe in 50/50 when it comes to this stuff. Actually, I've paid for probably MORE than 50% in my previous relationships because I think I'm too nice. So I ended up replying with, "Okay, well that's fine. It's my turn anyway since you bought Chinese." I just really hoped that he was joking. It's just a nice gesture for a guy to pay, I think. I'd have gladly bought the popcorn and soda, which came out to be the same price as the tickets. Anyway, so we actually decided to go see a different movie - one that he wanted to see. And when we got up to the ticket booth, he stepped aside so that I could pay. So I did, naturally, but it felt weird!! He did pay for soda and popcorn once we got inside. Anyway the movie was fine and then we went our separate ways after. The sex jokes and F bomb-laced texts (he has no filter, which I find tacky when you first meet a person) continued the next couple of days. I had been talking to one other person on the online dating site, and he asked me out, so I figured "What the heck..." and went out with him. The conversation was great and he was a total gentleman. And then I was supposed to go to a baseball game with the high school guy the very next night (my tickets). I didn't want to confuse things, so I texted the guy that day and said that I don't think I'm going to go to the game now. I said that I don't see it going anywhere, and I don't want to confuse things for both of us by going. (We've never even talked on the phone since we met, we only had texted, so I didn't feel too bad with the texting part of it because of that). Anyway, the guy was shocked. Said he really likes me. Wanted me to take a couple days to think about it, etc., etc. And now I'm just feeling bad. I mean, he's a good person... just a little off putting with his non-filter, and the way that he acted after the bedroom events. It just seemed odd to me. So now I'm wondering if I'm being too critical. Is this the way that "normal" guys act? My ex-fiance was a total gentleman, but he apparently was being fake the whole time and turned out to be a little looney. So maybe there is no "prince charming". Maybe this is what people mean when they say that women have "Hollywood expectations". So my questions are: should he have paid for our movie date since he invited me? Should he have refrained from the sex jokes and f-bombs at the beginning? Should he have not thrown his clothes on and flipped the TV/phone on immediately after our bedroom incidents? Or am I just being too critical? I also went out with the new guy again last night for the second time. Again, he was a gentleman. Very nice, great conversation. And I paid for our meal since he paid the first time. And that's perfectly fine because he didn't TELL me I had to pay. I wanted to! But somehow I'm still feeling bad about the other guy and I have no idea why.
Enema Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 You're not being too critical. - Everyone has a different personality - That's just what high school guys' personality is - You don't like it - Stop seeing him Pretty simple. You can't say he "should have" acted differently. He acted like himself, he just happens to be a bad match for you. You will probably have similar gripes about 9/10 guys you date until you find one you really gel with. 1
Green Light Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Okay, so I'm diving back into the dating world. Three months ago, my fiance woke up and, out of the blue, decided that he didn't want to share his life with anyone. Everything seemed to be perfect up until that morning. Then he decided he wanted to quit his job and sell his house. Completely bizarre behavior, and I saw none of it coming. I read a bunch of books on commitment phobia, and this seems to happen more than I ever would have imagined. Anyway, after dropping ten pounds and basically feeling like my life was over, I've decided to get out there and stop being a hermit. Nothing will change his mind and get my "perfect" life back, so why keep wishing? I joined an online dating site a few weeks ago, and immediately reconnected with a guy I went to high school with (graduated about 12 years ago). We've actually been friends on social networking sites, but have never really hung out in person. Actually, we were going to meet a couple of years ago, but he had just gone through a breakup and wasn't ready, and I ended up meeting the guy who would eventually propose and then break my heart three months before our wedding. Anyway... so I met up with the high school guy at a park a couple of times and we just walked and talked and had a great time. Then he kissed me. I wasn't ready for that. But was I? Am I on the rebound? Anyway, the next time we hung out, we went to his place to watch a movie, but instead made some bad decisions and ended up in the bedroom. And the next night, the same thing, only he got us Chinese take out this time. And after we finished our bedroom sessions, he'd just throw on his clothes and flip on the TV or start checking his phone. Seemed a little odd to me. I really did like this guy, but this was happening too fast and it wasn't the direction I wanted to go in. Was this becoming a "friends with benefits" relationship? I couldn't tell! I let him know that I liked him and was interested in getting to know him more than just physically. But really, after that, he continued to just text me with jokes about sex. Finally the texts became annoying and I just didn't reply. They weren't too vulgar or anything, just childish I guess. So a few days passed, and he texted and asked me what happened. I let him know again that I liked him and was interested in him, but that I felt that we were skipping the "beginning". The part where we go on dates. The courting. The romantic beginning of a relationship. Somehow we skipped that part, and I want that. So he invited me out to see a movie late that night and promised that we would remain fully clothed. I was excited! We were going on a date! Then he told me to pick the movie. I let him know that I've been wanting to see The Hunger Games, but I'm not sure if he'd want to see that or not. His reply was, "Okay, but you're paying." Huh? Was this a joke? Was this guy really trying to take me out on a date? Were we friends? I'm NOT a diva, and I believe in 50/50 when it comes to this stuff. Actually, I've paid for probably MORE than 50% in my previous relationships because I think I'm too nice. So I ended up replying with, "Okay, well that's fine. It's my turn anyway since you bought Chinese." I just really hoped that he was joking. It's just a nice gesture for a guy to pay, I think. I'd have gladly bought the popcorn and soda, which came out to be the same price as the tickets. Anyway, so we actually decided to go see a different movie - one that he wanted to see. And when we got up to the ticket booth, he stepped aside so that I could pay. So I did, naturally, but it felt weird!! He did pay for soda and popcorn once we got inside. Anyway the movie was fine and then we went our separate ways after. The sex jokes and F bomb-laced texts (he has no filter, which I find tacky when you first meet a person) continued the next couple of days. I had been talking to one other person on the online dating site, and he asked me out, so I figured "What the heck..." and went out with him. The conversation was great and he was a total gentleman. And then I was supposed to go to a baseball game with the high school guy the very next night (my tickets). I didn't want to confuse things, so I texted the guy that day and said that I don't think I'm going to go to the game now. I said that I don't see it going anywhere, and I don't want to confuse things for both of us by going. (We've never even talked on the phone since we met, we only had texted, so I didn't feel too bad with the texting part of it because of that). Anyway, the guy was shocked. Said he really likes me. Wanted me to take a couple days to think about it, etc., etc. And now I'm just feeling bad. I mean, he's a good person... just a little off putting with his non-filter, and the way that he acted after the bedroom events. It just seemed odd to me. So now I'm wondering if I'm being too critical. Is this the way that "normal" guys act? My ex-fiance was a total gentleman, but he apparently was being fake the whole time and turned out to be a little looney. So maybe there is no "prince charming". Maybe this is what people mean when they say that women have "Hollywood expectations". So my questions are: should he have paid for our movie date since he invited me? Should he have refrained from the sex jokes and f-bombs at the beginning? Should he have not thrown his clothes on and flipped the TV/phone on immediately after our bedroom incidents? Or am I just being too critical? I also went out with the new guy again last night for the second time. Again, he was a gentleman. Very nice, great conversation. And I paid for our meal since he paid the first time. And that's perfectly fine because he didn't TELL me I had to pay. I wanted to! But somehow I'm still feeling bad about the other guy and I have no idea why. I think the first guy excites you in a way even though he is juvenile.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Huh? Was this a joke? Was this guy really trying to take me out on a date? Were we friends? I'm NOT a diva, and I believe in 50/50 when it comes to this stuff. Actually, I've paid for probably MORE than 50% in my previous relationships because I think I'm too nice. So I ended up replying with, "Okay, well that's fine. It's my turn anyway since you bought Chinese." I just really hoped that he was joking. It's just a nice gesture for a guy to pay, I think. I'd have gladly bought the popcorn and soda, which came out to be the same price as the tickets. Now I understand why so many Americans are overweight. One person buys tickets for two, so the other one feels obligated to buy something too and gets a disgusting huge portion of popcorn, dripping with burnt vegetable oil, and an equally huge and disgusting high calorie, corn syrup-sweetened beverage. Gross People in the USA would be a lot healthier and better looking if they just split the cost of the tickets and skipped the junk food.
Author Hope82 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 True. I know saying that "he should have" done this or that doesn't make any sense because he's just being himself. I guess I was meaning that as in, "Is this what I want a potential partner to act like..." And yes, high school guy does excite me and I do actually really like him. I just know that I have a habit of overlooking red flags at the beginning, so I'm trying to be more aware of those without being overly critical. Trying to find the balance, I guess... And thanks for the input!
Author Hope82 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Haha. I'm actually fit and not at all overweight. But glad you seemed to have gotten your rage out in this thread...
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